歪理一籮筐
原創自留地
正文
A very good friend in China is braking up with her boyfriend. They’ve been together for years. It’s really hard on her. I could see her misery. I know she is scared.
I understand! I understand all these matters! But I want to say: Hey, honey! I’m glad you finally making the decision to walk out. I’m proud of you!
These years, I witness, she made so many changes on herself—for him. She is no longer that happy girl. But I believe she will find herself back! Because now she is taking her responsibility, making this decision. It’s a good start, isn’t it?
I fully understand her hesitation, Chinese we want being with one man to the end. But what if he is not the one for you? Should we stay in the madness and sadness? Life is short, but it would be too long if being with someone that you are not happy with!
Who is the right one for you? Someone who wants to go in the same direction as you do, someone who is compatible with your views and your values!
Often when you into a relationship with someone you like, you only see what you want to see and you deny there are things you don’t like about that person. You lie to yourself just to make yourself right. Then you make assumptions, “My love will change this person.” But this is not true. Your love will change nobody. If you focus on changing your partner, then you set yourself up to fail.
Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. It is much easier to find someone who you just love the way he is, instead of trying to change him. Also, you have to be with someone who loves you just the way you are, if he is always trying to change you, that means he doesn’t really love you as you are! He may love you but in a certain way, you have to behalf in the way he wants, speak in the way he likes…that’s not real love!
I remember someone said: If you want a dog, then why you are getting a cat? He is so right about this. I understand maybe the cat is so cute, but don’t forget what you want is a dog; you don’t need that cat in your life. Ok! Let’s imagine that you get a dog and you love cats. You want your dog to behave like a cat, and you try to change the dog because it never says, “Meow.” What are you doing with a dog? Get a cat! This is the only way to begin a great relationship. First you have to know exactly you want. And you also have to see what you don’t want, don’t be blind.
In a relationship, we may change ourselves. For respecting your partner, maybe we give up certain things to have better couple live. But that should not because we are forced to change. We change because we make choices, because we want better, because we don’t want to suffer anymore.
Once we are forced to change, it could seem to work in a while. And then, we will see the accumulation of emotion poison, anger, resentment. Until a day we scream out, and we cross the limit of respect, we can’t step back anymore.
People say: marriage is the grave of love! That’s not true! It happens in this way, because their love was already dying on their way to marriage, but people just don’t have enough courage to make a choice before they jump into the grave! They are afraid of judgments from other people, and afraid to be alone…
We are not living with a big mission to save the world, but we do have a big mission in our live: make ourselves happy!
We are responsible for our own happiness! But when we get married, we exchange rings. Expecting the partner is going to make you happy, and you are going to make him or her happy. We base our happiness on our partner and it doesn’t work that way. This is the mistake most of us make right from the beginning.
You keep yourself happy, you work on your half of the relationship; and your partner works on his half.
For your half, you have to be yourself. Find a person who matches with you. Take the risk, but be honest. If it works, keep going. If it doesn’t work, then do yourself and your partner a favor: Walk away; let him go. Don’t be selfish. Give your partner the opportunity to find what he really wants, and at the same time give yourself the opportunity. If he cannot love you the way you are, someone else can love you just you are. Don’t waste your time, and don’t waste his time. This is respect!
Relationship is an art! Communication through respect and love is the whole key to keeping the love alive and never getting bored in your relationship. What you are going to share with your partner is not the live garbage, but your love, your romance, your understanding. The goal is for two of you to be happy.
That’s right, when there are problems we have to try, but don’t spend all your life to try on something would never work.
Believe yourself, when you feel something is not right--then something IS wrong! Get out of there! Don’t let the fake love damage you! The more time you waste, the more damage would mark on you!
If it doesn’t work, it’ Ok! Let’s admit it, nothing to be shame of. But don’t bury yourself in the grave. Send yourself free. We learn from it, and we move on!
Honey, don’t be so sad! Even we loved a wrong person, even the whole love story is fool and lie, at least the happy moments you had, that was true, that was real, and that was yours!
My dear friend, I’m waiting to see your shining smile back to your face!
I understand! I understand all these matters! But I want to say: Hey, honey! I’m glad you finally making the decision to walk out. I’m proud of you!
These years, I witness, she made so many changes on herself—for him. She is no longer that happy girl. But I believe she will find herself back! Because now she is taking her responsibility, making this decision. It’s a good start, isn’t it?
I fully understand her hesitation, Chinese we want being with one man to the end. But what if he is not the one for you? Should we stay in the madness and sadness? Life is short, but it would be too long if being with someone that you are not happy with!
Who is the right one for you? Someone who wants to go in the same direction as you do, someone who is compatible with your views and your values!
Often when you into a relationship with someone you like, you only see what you want to see and you deny there are things you don’t like about that person. You lie to yourself just to make yourself right. Then you make assumptions, “My love will change this person.” But this is not true. Your love will change nobody. If you focus on changing your partner, then you set yourself up to fail.
Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. It is much easier to find someone who you just love the way he is, instead of trying to change him. Also, you have to be with someone who loves you just the way you are, if he is always trying to change you, that means he doesn’t really love you as you are! He may love you but in a certain way, you have to behalf in the way he wants, speak in the way he likes…that’s not real love!
I remember someone said: If you want a dog, then why you are getting a cat? He is so right about this. I understand maybe the cat is so cute, but don’t forget what you want is a dog; you don’t need that cat in your life. Ok! Let’s imagine that you get a dog and you love cats. You want your dog to behave like a cat, and you try to change the dog because it never says, “Meow.” What are you doing with a dog? Get a cat! This is the only way to begin a great relationship. First you have to know exactly you want. And you also have to see what you don’t want, don’t be blind.
In a relationship, we may change ourselves. For respecting your partner, maybe we give up certain things to have better couple live. But that should not because we are forced to change. We change because we make choices, because we want better, because we don’t want to suffer anymore.
Once we are forced to change, it could seem to work in a while. And then, we will see the accumulation of emotion poison, anger, resentment. Until a day we scream out, and we cross the limit of respect, we can’t step back anymore.
People say: marriage is the grave of love! That’s not true! It happens in this way, because their love was already dying on their way to marriage, but people just don’t have enough courage to make a choice before they jump into the grave! They are afraid of judgments from other people, and afraid to be alone…
We are not living with a big mission to save the world, but we do have a big mission in our live: make ourselves happy!
We are responsible for our own happiness! But when we get married, we exchange rings. Expecting the partner is going to make you happy, and you are going to make him or her happy. We base our happiness on our partner and it doesn’t work that way. This is the mistake most of us make right from the beginning.
You keep yourself happy, you work on your half of the relationship; and your partner works on his half.
For your half, you have to be yourself. Find a person who matches with you. Take the risk, but be honest. If it works, keep going. If it doesn’t work, then do yourself and your partner a favor: Walk away; let him go. Don’t be selfish. Give your partner the opportunity to find what he really wants, and at the same time give yourself the opportunity. If he cannot love you the way you are, someone else can love you just you are. Don’t waste your time, and don’t waste his time. This is respect!
Relationship is an art! Communication through respect and love is the whole key to keeping the love alive and never getting bored in your relationship. What you are going to share with your partner is not the live garbage, but your love, your romance, your understanding. The goal is for two of you to be happy.
That’s right, when there are problems we have to try, but don’t spend all your life to try on something would never work.
Believe yourself, when you feel something is not right--then something IS wrong! Get out of there! Don’t let the fake love damage you! The more time you waste, the more damage would mark on you!
If it doesn’t work, it’ Ok! Let’s admit it, nothing to be shame of. But don’t bury yourself in the grave. Send yourself free. We learn from it, and we move on!
Honey, don’t be so sad! Even we loved a wrong person, even the whole love story is fool and lie, at least the happy moments you had, that was true, that was real, and that was yours!
My dear friend, I’m waiting to see your shining smile back to your face!
評論
bambooseven
2008-06-20 07:52:26
回複
悄悄話
thanks for this article. you are saying what i want to say. very smart girl you are!
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