正文
原本跟老Peter約好上周二晚上一起去看那部Atonement 的電影，等我晚上回到家的時候接到他的兩個留言，說有一個好的消息和一個不好的消息告訴我，他隻說了不好的消息就是他不能陪我來看電影了，因為夜班那個保安被解雇了，他得上第二天淩晨4點鍾開始的那個早班，所以當晚必須早點睡覺，至於好消息呢，他說要等我回他的電話再告訴我，第二個留言跟第一個基本一樣，就是說話的語氣似乎有點心切。我心想，這老Peter骨子裏到底賣什麽關子那？
打電話過去，老Peter似乎很激動，不過還是很鎮靜自若地把留言中不好消息先複述了一遍，然後迫不及待地說：“嗯，好了，Sherry，現在開始告訴你好消息。我上周申請了一個公司director of communications 的職位，他們給我回信讓我去麵試，要知道這個公司規模非常大，下屬有很多很大的超市，根據我的了解，這個職位的報酬會在六位數。“ 六位數？ 我當時還沒反應過來。是，老Peter接著說：”按照他們的規模，這個職位的報酬應該在100K以上，我給你念念他們給我回複的有關約我麵試的email。Blablablablabla。。。“ 這個老Ｐｅｔｅｒ，怎麽跟小孩子似的，不就一個約麵試的信嗎，至於那麽激動嗎？可人家老Ｐｅｔｅｒ說了：”這個公司給我回的信很快，說明他們對我的經曆和背景非常感興趣。至於麵試嗎，我一向都是一次成功的。我非常善於在麵試中表現自己，知道如何對付麵試官，。我這頭聽著他在那頭ｂｌａｂｌａｂｌａ，心想，您這才哪到哪兒那，這萬裏長征頭一步還沒邁出去呢，就開始自吹自擂了，都說人家洋人自打從小無論在家裏還是在學校都受到的那種表現自我的教育，可眼前的這位老Ｐｅｔｅｒ表現的也太超前了吧？平時看他挺內斂的啊，不過，既然人家激動興奮成那樣，咱也不能潑冷水啊，於是，就順毛捋了：Peter，這簡直是太好了，祝賀你，良好的開端是成功的一半，相信你一定會成功的，我和Lisa都認為你在這裏做保安太大材小用了，簡直就是浪費人才啊，就憑您那資曆，您那學識，您那本事，您那那那。。。反正後來我都記不起來都說了些什麽。就記得把老Peter說的心花怒放的，電話那頭的笑聲讓我想起了那種久違了的孩提似的激動。在那個瞬間，我竟然感覺老Peter簡直就是一個大男孩。
這部我們計劃了很久想一起看的電影似乎難產了，一直到了周五的傍晚，大暴雪又開始侵襲這座城市，路上的車爬得都跟老牛一樣的慢，回到家，又收到Peter的2個留言，意思是說希望我開車安全到家，他非常擔心怎麽這個時候我還沒有到家，那個晚上我沒有回他的留言，不知道為什麽，我就是想一個人靜靜地呆著，不過，為了禮貌，我還是很晚的時候回了他一封簡短的信，感謝他對我的關心，告訴他我安全到家，不過我很累，不想說話。我這個人有時候就這樣，有時候比較情緒化，還不善於掩飾自己，想什麽就說什麽，當然也根本沒有過多地想我這樣做會給老Peter帶來什麽想法。隻管隨自己的心情做事是我現在所處的狀態。
周六早上起床，外邊已經是白雪皚皚的世界了，天氣預報說暴雪還要持續到周日，看來這周六晚我的好朋於Helen跟我說好的邀請我跟老Peter 一起去吃水煮魚的計劃要泡湯了，簡單吃了早點，給Helen電話，可人家還在夢裏呢。打開電腦準備給老母親發個郵件問候一下，咦，老Peter啥時候又來了一封信呢？點擊，信在慢慢地展開，我的天，立馬就開始頭眩目轉了，這老Peter，您這個給我寫信還是寫小說那？
Dear Sherry, I'm sorry you're too tired to speak; the drive back from the gym must have been terrible. The roads were bad enough at 5:30 when I got home!Thank you so much for telling me that you were safe.
I was very worried!! I know what it is to be too tired to talk. I am too tired to talk as well tonight. I did not sleep last night at all. I just lay in bed trying to put my life into some kind of perspective.
Last night, a terrible truth hit me. And it hit me like a bolt of lightening!
Have you ever had something really big happen in your life and although you know it's happened, it hasn't really gone into every part of your mind? I'm talking about the "subconscious". Maybe something like that happened when you divorced, I don't know. But it's that some really big thing has happened and it's too big for your mind to deal with all at once and so your subconscious mind denies for a long time that it has really happened. Am I making any sense?Well what happened to me last night was the truth of something finally being let out of my subconscious mind!You are the first woman I have wanted to date since I left Halifax in November 2006. And you don't know who I am.
Since 1992, virtually everybody in Eastern Canada knew who I was. They either knew my name, or my face. or both, or, if told who I was, their eyes would light up in recognition. Half a million people across Canada watched my TV show every week and most lived in Eastern Canada.There was never any question about Peter－. And the last woman to look at my tattoos said "Picton Castle?" I nodded and she smiled. She knew about the documentaries I had made on the sailing ship Picton Castle. She had watched them on TV. She had seen the program where I showed my tatoos to everybody and explained what they meant and why I had got them.
What kept me awake all last night was the thunderbolt of realization that you know none of this! To you, I am nothing more than your Security Guard, a few web pages and whatever I say, which may or may not be true.When I first came to Mississauga, I really enjoyed my freedom, the freedom of being anonymous, of nobody knowing or caring who I was. I could go into the Supermarket without being pointed at. I could ride the bus!! And I did! And nobody stared at me! I could run naked down the street without it being headline news in the paper the next morning! I never did that but the idea that I could really appealed to me.All that came crashing down last night when I saw the bad side of it for really the first time. Because my adored anonymity, my being anonymous, also means that I am anonymous to you. You, Sherry, the woman I am so attracted to, does not know who I am, does not know about my tattoos, does not know who I was and what I did and only knows me as a Security Guard because that is all she sees me do.It was like being hit on the head with a very heavy piece of wood! At last I could understand the truth. And it hurt very very badly.This is a good thing. This has made me wake up. You have made me wake up.I am not Peter －having a bit of fun in Ontario working as a Security Guard for a while, as my friends in Halifax think. I AM an anonymous Security Guard in Ontario. And that's all that Sherry knows. I write but Sherry does not see me write.I have no photographs and no possessions here. I am a mystery.And a mystery is not the perfect candidate for a potential husband.!I need to build a new life very quickly. And I will. Can you be patient with me, for a little bit, until I do? I love those lines of Mark Twain."Love like you've never been hurt", is one of the most profound statements in literature. We all know the incredible depth of what he means. It's one of the best pieces of advice the world has ever been offered! Can you love again, like you've never been hurt? Can I?The dancing and singing lines merely mean have confidence in yourself! And "work like you don't need the money" says do what you like to do and get enjoyment out of your work before all else.And then we have THAT line!! "Live like there's no tomorrow."It's one of the most discussed lines in American literature and it's become a cliché in the English language everywhere.After all the good advice of the lines before, why would Twain add this one that suggests irresponsibility and profligacy?Or is it actually good advice?When I was very young, I entered the Officers' Mess (the lounge, dining and bar area for officers in the army) of the Parachute Regiment of the British Army for the first time. I was a new Lieutenant posted to the regiment. On the wall I saw a framed copy of Twain's phrase. It's very appropriate for a soldier, who may not live to see tomorrow.Virtually everything I've done in my life ever since that day has had some element of danger to it. My stuff for CBC Television was always wild, exotic, and perilous and filled with passion.Living life like there's no tomorrow was my motto. And, as I've told you, one day in 2000, it seemed like there would be no tomorrow and my partner left me as a result!We need to talk about how that may have changed. Peter go bed now, dream Sherry maybe!
Pete
我問過老Peter他是用十個指頭打字還是用二個，因為我知道好多洋人同事都隻會用２個指頭打字，哪像我們中國人這麽聰明靈巧，當老Ｐｅｔｅｒ說他用二個指頭打字的時候，我看著他無可奈何地笑了：“難道你寫這麽長的email，隻有二個指頭打字不累嗎？”不，他回答道：不，給你寫信我從來不覺得累，還有，我打字很快的，他充滿自信地說。
周日的早上，我給老Peter回了信，謝謝他對我的關心，但是我目前隻想跟他做普通的朋友，因為我還是想找自己更喜歡的工作，也有可能去美國工作，所以未來真的是未知數。他回電話的時候帶著一絲傷感，說：Sherry，我現在的感覺就是被你dump了，我說沒，我們還是朋友，我還沒有想好走進relationship，我現在的首要任務是找一個好工作，穩定下來，然後再談別的。至於你是否願意還想跟我做朋友那是你自己的選擇，我不會勉強你的，他想都沒想說：“我願意跟你做一輩子的好朋友，不過，我非常非常地喜歡你，希望你我在一起有一個好的未來。”
打電話過去，老Peter似乎很激動，不過還是很鎮靜自若地把留言中不好消息先複述了一遍，然後迫不及待地說：“嗯，好了，Sherry，現在開始告訴你好消息。我上周申請了一個公司director of communications 的職位，他們給我回信讓我去麵試，要知道這個公司規模非常大，下屬有很多很大的超市，根據我的了解，這個職位的報酬會在六位數。“ 六位數？ 我當時還沒反應過來。是，老Peter接著說：”按照他們的規模，這個職位的報酬應該在100K以上，我給你念念他們給我回複的有關約我麵試的email。Blablablablabla。。。“ 這個老Ｐｅｔｅｒ，怎麽跟小孩子似的，不就一個約麵試的信嗎，至於那麽激動嗎？可人家老Ｐｅｔｅｒ說了：”這個公司給我回的信很快，說明他們對我的經曆和背景非常感興趣。至於麵試嗎，我一向都是一次成功的。我非常善於在麵試中表現自己，知道如何對付麵試官，。我這頭聽著他在那頭ｂｌａｂｌａｂｌａ，心想，您這才哪到哪兒那，這萬裏長征頭一步還沒邁出去呢，就開始自吹自擂了，都說人家洋人自打從小無論在家裏還是在學校都受到的那種表現自我的教育，可眼前的這位老Ｐｅｔｅｒ表現的也太超前了吧？平時看他挺內斂的啊，不過，既然人家激動興奮成那樣，咱也不能潑冷水啊，於是，就順毛捋了：Peter，這簡直是太好了，祝賀你，良好的開端是成功的一半，相信你一定會成功的，我和Lisa都認為你在這裏做保安太大材小用了，簡直就是浪費人才啊，就憑您那資曆，您那學識，您那本事，您那那那。。。反正後來我都記不起來都說了些什麽。就記得把老Peter說的心花怒放的，電話那頭的笑聲讓我想起了那種久違了的孩提似的激動。在那個瞬間，我竟然感覺老Peter簡直就是一個大男孩。
這部我們計劃了很久想一起看的電影似乎難產了，一直到了周五的傍晚，大暴雪又開始侵襲這座城市，路上的車爬得都跟老牛一樣的慢，回到家，又收到Peter的2個留言，意思是說希望我開車安全到家，他非常擔心怎麽這個時候我還沒有到家，那個晚上我沒有回他的留言，不知道為什麽，我就是想一個人靜靜地呆著，不過，為了禮貌，我還是很晚的時候回了他一封簡短的信，感謝他對我的關心，告訴他我安全到家，不過我很累，不想說話。我這個人有時候就這樣，有時候比較情緒化，還不善於掩飾自己，想什麽就說什麽，當然也根本沒有過多地想我這樣做會給老Peter帶來什麽想法。隻管隨自己的心情做事是我現在所處的狀態。
周六早上起床，外邊已經是白雪皚皚的世界了，天氣預報說暴雪還要持續到周日，看來這周六晚我的好朋於Helen跟我說好的邀請我跟老Peter 一起去吃水煮魚的計劃要泡湯了，簡單吃了早點，給Helen電話，可人家還在夢裏呢。打開電腦準備給老母親發個郵件問候一下，咦，老Peter啥時候又來了一封信呢？點擊，信在慢慢地展開，我的天，立馬就開始頭眩目轉了，這老Peter，您這個給我寫信還是寫小說那？
Dear Sherry, I'm sorry you're too tired to speak; the drive back from the gym must have been terrible. The roads were bad enough at 5:30 when I got home!Thank you so much for telling me that you were safe.
I was very worried!! I know what it is to be too tired to talk. I am too tired to talk as well tonight. I did not sleep last night at all. I just lay in bed trying to put my life into some kind of perspective.
Last night, a terrible truth hit me. And it hit me like a bolt of lightening!
Have you ever had something really big happen in your life and although you know it's happened, it hasn't really gone into every part of your mind? I'm talking about the "subconscious". Maybe something like that happened when you divorced, I don't know. But it's that some really big thing has happened and it's too big for your mind to deal with all at once and so your subconscious mind denies for a long time that it has really happened. Am I making any sense?Well what happened to me last night was the truth of something finally being let out of my subconscious mind!You are the first woman I have wanted to date since I left Halifax in November 2006. And you don't know who I am.
Since 1992, virtually everybody in Eastern Canada knew who I was. They either knew my name, or my face. or both, or, if told who I was, their eyes would light up in recognition. Half a million people across Canada watched my TV show every week and most lived in Eastern Canada.There was never any question about Peter－. And the last woman to look at my tattoos said "Picton Castle?" I nodded and she smiled. She knew about the documentaries I had made on the sailing ship Picton Castle. She had watched them on TV. She had seen the program where I showed my tatoos to everybody and explained what they meant and why I had got them.
What kept me awake all last night was the thunderbolt of realization that you know none of this! To you, I am nothing more than your Security Guard, a few web pages and whatever I say, which may or may not be true.When I first came to Mississauga, I really enjoyed my freedom, the freedom of being anonymous, of nobody knowing or caring who I was. I could go into the Supermarket without being pointed at. I could ride the bus!! And I did! And nobody stared at me! I could run naked down the street without it being headline news in the paper the next morning! I never did that but the idea that I could really appealed to me.All that came crashing down last night when I saw the bad side of it for really the first time. Because my adored anonymity, my being anonymous, also means that I am anonymous to you. You, Sherry, the woman I am so attracted to, does not know who I am, does not know about my tattoos, does not know who I was and what I did and only knows me as a Security Guard because that is all she sees me do.It was like being hit on the head with a very heavy piece of wood! At last I could understand the truth. And it hurt very very badly.This is a good thing. This has made me wake up. You have made me wake up.I am not Peter －having a bit of fun in Ontario working as a Security Guard for a while, as my friends in Halifax think. I AM an anonymous Security Guard in Ontario. And that's all that Sherry knows. I write but Sherry does not see me write.I have no photographs and no possessions here. I am a mystery.And a mystery is not the perfect candidate for a potential husband.!I need to build a new life very quickly. And I will. Can you be patient with me, for a little bit, until I do? I love those lines of Mark Twain."Love like you've never been hurt", is one of the most profound statements in literature. We all know the incredible depth of what he means. It's one of the best pieces of advice the world has ever been offered! Can you love again, like you've never been hurt? Can I?The dancing and singing lines merely mean have confidence in yourself! And "work like you don't need the money" says do what you like to do and get enjoyment out of your work before all else.And then we have THAT line!! "Live like there's no tomorrow."It's one of the most discussed lines in American literature and it's become a cliché in the English language everywhere.After all the good advice of the lines before, why would Twain add this one that suggests irresponsibility and profligacy?Or is it actually good advice?When I was very young, I entered the Officers' Mess (the lounge, dining and bar area for officers in the army) of the Parachute Regiment of the British Army for the first time. I was a new Lieutenant posted to the regiment. On the wall I saw a framed copy of Twain's phrase. It's very appropriate for a soldier, who may not live to see tomorrow.Virtually everything I've done in my life ever since that day has had some element of danger to it. My stuff for CBC Television was always wild, exotic, and perilous and filled with passion.Living life like there's no tomorrow was my motto. And, as I've told you, one day in 2000, it seemed like there would be no tomorrow and my partner left me as a result!We need to talk about how that may have changed. Peter go bed now, dream Sherry maybe!
Pete
我問過老Peter他是用十個指頭打字還是用二個，因為我知道好多洋人同事都隻會用２個指頭打字，哪像我們中國人這麽聰明靈巧，當老Ｐｅｔｅｒ說他用二個指頭打字的時候，我看著他無可奈何地笑了：“難道你寫這麽長的email，隻有二個指頭打字不累嗎？”不，他回答道：不，給你寫信我從來不覺得累，還有，我打字很快的，他充滿自信地說。
周日的早上，我給老Peter回了信，謝謝他對我的關心，但是我目前隻想跟他做普通的朋友，因為我還是想找自己更喜歡的工作，也有可能去美國工作，所以未來真的是未知數。他回電話的時候帶著一絲傷感，說：Sherry，我現在的感覺就是被你dump了，我說沒，我們還是朋友，我還沒有想好走進relationship，我現在的首要任務是找一個好工作，穩定下來，然後再談別的。至於你是否願意還想跟我做朋友那是你自己的選擇，我不會勉強你的，他想都沒想說：“我願意跟你做一輩子的好朋友，不過，我非常非常地喜歡你，希望你我在一起有一個好的未來。”
評論
任雪晴
2008-03-25 20:09:02
回複
悄悄話
春天姐，我把你的peter故事正在進行時都一口氣看完了。我想說說我的看法：1.我覺得你的思維方式還是非常中國的傳統女性，雖然你說你是“悶騷型女人”嗬嗬。2.西人的職業並不能代表他們什麽，我以前在多倫多有個朋友是學人類學和開直升飛機的，也是周遊列國，現在的職業是在北方林子裏砍樹，照樣也過的非常快樂。這個peter是個有故事的人，人生經曆非常豐富。3.如果不介意，其實文身也是一門藝術，隻是可能需要慢慢接受，還記得以前評價跳交誼舞和唱流行歌嗎？習慣就好了。4.我想姐姐對這個peter還是有好感的，隻是礙於一些傳統的思維，沒有邁開步子。如果姐姐覺得合適，就不要猶豫，“愛”的感覺是最重要的，其他生不帶來，死不帶走。最後祝福你，早日等到你嫵媚的春天！
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