正在進行時- 我跟Peter的故事（五）

跟老Peter的第一次約會，與其說是為了更多地了解他，倒不如說是為了不想傷害一個失意老男人的自尊心。Lisa經常跟我說說老Peter挺可憐的，大選失敗，一個人啥都沒了，沒錢，沒房子，沒正經的工作，但同時我和Lisa也都希望老Peter能有一個好的未來，他寫的書能夠出版，他也能夠找到real工作，能有一個好的結局。那天老Peter電話問我約會的時候除了中餐想吃什麽，我沒怎麽猶豫就說：日餐，韓國菜都可以，他問我泰國菜如何，我說好啊，都無所謂的。後來他來這裏接我的時候還是帶我去了一間韓國餐館，因為我先前提出吃韓國或日本菜都可以，他就問了樓裏的一個日本婦人哪裏有好一點的韓國餐廳，就把我帶到這裏了，我點了烏冬麵，還有一些生魚片，他點了米飯，炸蝦，我頭一次跟老Peter麵對麵坐的那門近，這才發現他的下巴有了贅肉，我在猜他的年紀，難道果真是他告訴Lisa 50 出頭嗎？關於老Peter的年齡，Lisa過去曾經懷疑過好多次，因為按照我們在網上看了老Peter來加拿大的年齡來推測，他現在快接近60了，可是他告訴Lisa他1956年出生的，如果那樣，他也就50多一點，可是我怎麽看怎麽覺得不對勁，我過去曾經約會過的一個教授比我大8歲，比老Peter看上去年輕多了，起碼下巴頦沒有贅肉啊，還有我還注意到老Peter手上還有一些老年斑。這些症狀都表明他的年齡不小了，難道他在隱瞞自己的真實年齡嗎？我經常跟Lisa說我就不喜歡老男人，跟老男人在一起就好像要圖他們什麽的，對了，前些日子看過的那個大腦袋娃娃寫的文章裏不是說過嗎，在老男人身邊覺得自己被人家認為小蜜似的，我跟Lisa說：你說，如果我跟老Peter出去約會，人家會不會認為我在傍大款啊，要那樣我多冤啊，他可是啥錢財都沒有啊，還有，你說Lisa，那老家夥摸起來會是啥樣的手感呢？會不會像木乃伊啊？說完我和Lisa哈哈大笑起來，Lisa總說我這個人太挑剔，不錯，我很色，喜歡帥哥，喜歡有款有型的帥哥，每次去gym，看到那裏有一個非常帥的personal trainer， 我都禁不住多看還不止兩眼呢，每次跟他打照麵的時候，我都不會錯過打招呼的機會，美女我也喜歡看。可是，不管是美女還是帥哥，我都喜歡看年輕的，當然跟我年齡相仿的帥哥我也喜歡看，我告訴Lisa沒有Physical attraction, 我是怎麽都提不起對一個男人的興趣，當然光有Physical attraction 恐怕也不成，還得有一些connections，Lisa 有時候罵我是老女色鬼，我不否認我就是，對了，從前有一個好過的男友，說我是典型的悶騷型女人，就是那種外表是淑女，內心是蕩婦吧。反正我就是覺得跟老男人在一起就是不自在，提不起神來，同時也大大地降低了我的想象力。那晚跟老Peter慢慢地吃，慢慢地聊，其實，跟老男人在一起的一個最大的好處就是心跳減速，血壓降低，似乎進入了麻木的狀態，總之很放鬆，我平時說話張牙舞爪的速度現在已經減到了差點連我自己都不敢確認到底是我還是我的魂，吃過晚飯，看看時間還早，我跟老Peter提議去咖啡店坐坐在繼續聊聊，他卻說去我家，我怔了一下，他看出我的驚異，說“我們都是朋友了，你不會太介意吧？我說當然不，回家更隨意，但心裏還真有點怕，我當然是怕他想跟我親熱了，那種身體上我一點沒有欲望的男人，我怕的要死，反正一想就有那種惡心的感覺。我是寧缺勿濫型，寧可空窗，也不會跟一個不喜歡的男人上床。回到我的公寓，我開始燒水泡茶，老Peter坐在餐桌旁，我邊跟他說話邊泡茶，就是不想跟他坐的那門近，後來茶泡好了，我把茶壺端過去，給他倒茶，心裏總有那種惶惶的感覺，我想如果他那時候抓我的手，我會把茶壺潑在他身上了，好在這個老Peter蠻紳士，到底是英國式教育，讓我慢慢地放鬆了下來。席間，電話響了起來，我心想，誰這麽好，這時候打電話給我讓我有機會遠離老Peter，原來是Lisa 從國內打過來的，我告訴她老Peter在我這裏，正約會我呢，她一聽說這樣，就說：“sherry，你跟他在一起一定得多觀察，因為我還是挺懷疑他的年齡的，我那次請他出去飯店吃飯的時候，他竟然跟我說他的腳冷，可是那個飯店一點也不冷啊，還有，他給我開車門的時候，手不利落“哈哈，我不禁笑了起來，這個人精Lisa比我厲害多了，我咋就沒看那麽仔細呢？當然，我告訴Lisa有關老Peter下巴頦的贅肉，我也開始懷疑他的年齡了，反正，Lisa說，想辦法知道他真實的年齡，當然，如果你不介意的話，我就沒啥好說的了。掛了Ｌｉｓａ的電話，我的心裏很不痛快，心想，這老Ｐｅｔｅｒ也應該算是誠實的男人吧，幹嗎裝嫩啊？西人不都說了嗎？年齡隻是個數字，說歸說，但年齡對我來說的確很重要，因為我寧願找比我小的，也不喜歡比我大的，當然狀態很重要，可是下巴頦有贅肉，沒有頭發，肚子大的，身材鬆鬆垮垮的男人不管年齡多大都提不起我的興趣，我女朋友Helen說我太肉欲，我不否認，可是，這可不是一上床閉燈就能解決的問題，關鍵是手感啊，誰不喜歡結實的肉呢？就算買肉還是那種腱子肉吃起來口感好。那肥肉誰看了不惡心，當然了，時間長了視覺疲勞是人類的共性，男人女人都一樣，反正我了解自己，沒錯，我喜歡精神共鳴，可對老Peter我的感覺就是敬重他，欣賞他，跟他談文學，談莎士比亞，人家可是頭頭是道的，我一起頭，就怕後麵了，因為他聊得越多，我聽得越迷糊，太深奧了，總之，跟老Peter在一起想要找到那種chemistry很難，可他在我們第一次約會後寫了一封很長的信：My Dear Sherry, It wasn't a typical first date at all!!We were friends already!BUT, we had been friends through Lisa and friends because I had keys and pots and they needed to be returned.........Friday night was just Sherry and Peter!And it was a date! And Peter thought it was fantastic.Poor you! You had a headache and I sensed you were suffering all evening. I wanted to suggest that we perhaps postpone the date but I thought you would not go for that!You were a fabulous dinner companion!!And then we went "back to your place"!! That was okay! You would NEVER do that on a fist date with anyone else!! But we were friends already.Sherry, several things happened, which I think are strange and perhaps are good omens.I was able to tell you some of my deepest feelings regarding politics and the need for change in this country. And I became passionate about what I was saying. I shared my passion with you, and that's something I have not done with anyone in Mississauga. Those feelings are something that I can only share with someone that I know really well and trust completely. And I shared them with you. It just seemed natural to do it.And I saw a little of a different Sherry as well that melted my heart. You are such a strong, self confident woman and yet I saw you nervous and confused at one point last night, nervous about me I think. I wanted to reach out and hold your hand and tell you that everything was okay but touching you as a friend is not something we have been able to do yet.The last and most amazing thing to me was how I felt when we said goodnight. I kissed your cheek, as we had agreed was appropriate, but the feeling I had being so close to you was one of pure chemistry! I wanted desperately to kiss your lips and felt it was the natural thing to do and my whole body shuddered with anticipation and I felt something from you as well. Wow!A first date is supposed to be a test as to whether or not one would like to see the other person again. Well, apart from the delightful fact that we are friends anyway, this first date told me that I have feelings for you beyond friendship and yes, I would love to see you that way again.Have I made any sense in this e-mail? I hope so! I'm very tired and it's late but I shall hopefully see you tomorrow (today!) and that fact keeps me going. I'll talk to you soon, Peter我不知道對老Peter啥時候會有chemistry，至少現在沒有，尤其是想到他的年齡至今是個謎，還有他那不確定的未來，我這顆本來平靜的心會經常心煩。