getting old

try to find some songs on yahoo, suddenly found i m geting old so soon, lots of songs I knew are already out of top1000, that's only a couple of years, you know, nothing belongs to you when you are old, i would rather have nothing if can be 10 years younger, how could that happen? she never replied to me, don't know why, maybe she put the eml into the blocked automaticly, don't want to bother to call her, don't want to disturb her for my own good, is she expecting my call? not sure, let it go, let it go, i will have it if i deserve it, not if i don't. son called with great excitment, said he did finishing quite well today, i hope i can be with him, unfortuately i am here doing nothing all day, which is the most important to me? being together with him? pursueing what i like? or just sitting here for money? looks like I can get rid of any of them, all of them are what I need, i am screwed. i can't help trying to calling her , probably too late, after all, distance is the best way to controll your feeling, you just lost that kind of chance whenever you want to call her, good or bad? wrong or right ? a man can't have the 2nd chance, never, but what you can do even you have, you are still a farmer, a poor farmer, a very poor farmer, with only a couple of cents in your pocket, what you can do, better forget about her if i can, just forget, how could i , i did that long time ago i can, then what should i do, missing, dreaming, complaining, thinking, as a matter of fact, no matter waht i do,  too late for everything, just do what I can  make her happer, healthier.