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劉墉金屁高論:男女之愛

(2009-09-12 13:40:33) 下一個


劉墉 (作家)
--維基百科,自由的百科全書

劉墉1949年2月-),原名劉鏞,號夢然籍貫北京,生於台北,為台灣作家畫家

劉墉的父親1958年逝世,其後與母親相依為命。1962年時,家中失火。劉墉成功高中畢業、國立台灣師範大學美術學係學士、美國紐約哥倫比亞大學博士。曾於成功高中擔任美術教師,並應國立曆史博物館之邀參加當代畫家畫展及全國美展1971年11月30日1974年4月5日,主持中國電視公司益智節目分秒必爭》,這是他首度主持電視節目1973年1977年,應聘為中視新聞記者1978年,應聘為中視駐美代表,被推薦赴美講學。1980年,成為美國紐約聖若望大學駐校藝術家

劉墉除於繪畫藝術方麵有所成就外,亦出版許多散文。他的散文大概分成兩類,一類是處世散文,另一類是溫馨勵誌散文,用詞平實易懂。散文書常是華人地區的暢銷書,當中有入選中華民國國民中學國文教科書者。


男女之愛,很妙!                                                           
                                                                            
無論你怎麼說「愛是無條件的」,                                            
                                                                           
年輕時的「愛 」還總是跟「性」有關。                                       
                                                                           
否則,                                                                    
                                                                           
你們為什麼由拉拉手到樓樓腰,到擁吻 、撫愛,然後上了床?                   
                                                                           
因為這是與生俱來的本能,也就是因為這本能,                                
                                                                           
使男女可以相悅,使君子可以好逑,使種族能夠繁衍。                          
                                                                           
如果人人都談柏拉圖式的愛情,                                              
                                                                           
都隻要心靈,沒有肉體,這世上還有人類的存在嗎?                            
                                                                           
所以,年輕人的愛往往是帶有「性趨迫」的。                                  
                                                                           
他們目光交流、含情脈脈,他們傾心交談、徹夜不眠。                          
                                                                           
他們終於像是乾材烈火,突破最後的防線,                                    
                                                                           
他們翻騰、瘋狂,達到高潮。                                                
                                                                           
然後呢?                                                                  
                                                                           
然後,他們睡著了,睡的很熟。                                              
                                                                           
請問,                                                                    
                                                                           
他們怎麼不繼續一直聊、一直聊、互訴衷情、聊到天亮。                        
                                                                           
性愛、性愛、男女最先的相處需要「性」,                                    
                                                                           
後來的相處需要「愛」。                                                    
                                                                           
所以有人說一對男女在做愛之後,                                            
                                                                           
還能彼此愛憐、百般溫存的才是真愛。                                        
                                                                           
我們可以引申─隻有當一對夫妻,有一天成了「無性夫妻」,                     
                                                                           
還能彼此扶持,相顧深情的才是真愛。                                        
                                                                           
恕我講一句很俗的話,                                                      
                                                                           
據說應招女郎往往在「辦事」之前,先收錢。                                  
                                                                           
那男人就在眼前,跑不掉,她又何必先收錢呢?                                
                                                                           
應招女郎的道理很簡單─                                                     
                                                                           
「男人的下麵硬的時候心就軟,下麵軟的時候心就硬。                          
                                                                           
當他「辦完了事」,會立刻變的小器,會馬上後悔花那麼多的「代價」,          
                                                                           
甚至立刻覺得眼前的女人不夠美。辦事之前,則恰恰相反。」                    
                                                                           
夫妻之間,雖然不這麼現實,                                                
                                                                           
但是你如果,但是如果你細細想想,不也差不多嗎?                            
                                                                           
她溫柔的像隻小貓,偎在你身邊。                                            
                                                                           
他體貼的像隻小狗,在你旁邊打轉,                                          
                                                                           
她露出最嬌媚的笑,把菜端上桌,                                            
                                                                           
他以最勤快的動作,把碗盤拿去洗。                                          
                                                                           
他們把燈調暗,把音響打開。                                                
                                                                           
他們…在戀愛時期,也可以說在新鮮時期,                                     
                                                                           
兩個人精力都特別好,吃完飯可以去跳舞。                                    
                                                                           
跳完舞可以去PUB,PUB回來還有用不完的精力。                                
                                                                           
原本切的細細的水果,現在成了「喂!」唰!一個蘋果迎麵飛來。                
                                                                           
原本蹲在浴缸旁邊幫你搓背,現代已經逕自去睡,並傳來酣聲。                  
                                                                           
原本的「三菜一湯」,現在是微波爐裡端出來的「三盒一杯」,                  
                                                                           
還撂下一句話:「人家都丈夫有應酬,隻有你天天回家吃飯,把我都累死了!」    
                                                                           
原來的飯後依偎,音樂欣賞,成了督促孩子作功課,以及打賣哭鬧。             
                                                                           
原本的柔聲細語,變成了河東獅吼。                                          
                                                                           
那男人也一樣。原本靠在太太背後,對著耳朵吹氣,                            
                                                                           
現在鞋子一摔,倒上沙發就看報。                                            
                                                                           
原本說東說西,向太太報告外麵的一切,                                      
                                                                           
現在眼睛越過老婆肩頭,盯著電視一動也不動。                                
                                                                           
原本幫著擺碗筷、收桌子,                                                 
                                                                           
現在兩杯酒下肚,歪在椅子上已經睡著,且發出殺豬的音響。                    
                                                                           
原本來放屁時,一定躲到浴室,或說對不起,                                  
                                                                           
現在大剌剌地,還好像以「豪放」為得意。                                    
                                                                           
原本假日拉著太太看電影、爬山,                                            
                                                                           
現在假日不是睡大頭覺,就是背著球袋消失不見。                              
                                                                           
碰到這狀況,無論那男人或女人都會說                                        
                                                                           
「老夫老妻了嘛!幹什麼還裝?上班管孩子,累死了,誰還有什麼情緒?」        
                                                                           
可不是嗎?他們是倦了,因為工作慘了,因為體力不如從前而倦了,              
                                                                           
也因為眼前那個人,已經看了太多年而倦了,                                  
                                                                           
他們的「性」少了,「愛」也少了。                                          
                                                                           
你不能沒有的諒解政界常說一句話--                                        
                                                                           
「上台靠機會,下台靠智慧。」                                              
                                                                           
男女之間也可以說─「戀愛靠機會,婚姻靠智慧。」                             
                                                                           
茫茫人海,偏偏遇上他,當然是「機會」,                                    
                                                                           
但是此後幾十年,就靠彼此的智慧了。                                        
                                                                           
隻有哪些能夠把「熱情如火」的戀愛,                                        
                                                                           
化為「手砥足」的恩愛,                                                    
                                                                           
再化為「相濡以沫」的憐愛的人,才要有愛的大智慧。                          
                                                                           
問題是,你必須知道-你有,她不一定有;他有,你不一定有。                  
                                                                           
有些人就是沒有的智慧,也可以說他們沒有愛的能力。                          
                                                                           
  感情!感情!他有「感」,卻沒有「情」。                                
  抱負!抱負!他能「抱」,卻不能「負」。                                
                                                                           
性沒了,他就不愛了;                                                      
                                                                           
「更年期」到了,她就粗俗了;                                              
                                                                           
年輕女人出現,他就絕情了。                                                
                                                                           
除此之外,你必須知道,人的「前半生」可能用「下半身」思考;                
                                                                           
人的「後半生」可能是用「上半身」思考。                                    
                                                                           
上半身的思考,是用心、用腦,那是理智的,也是頓悟的,                      
                                                                           
所以當他「相通了」往往就一下子改變,再也難以挽回。                        
                                                                           
你知道大思想家羅素是怎麼跟他老婆愛麗絲分開的嗎?                          
                                                                           
他是有一天騎腳踏車,在鄉間的小路上,突然發覺再也不愛她。                  
                                                                           
然後某一日,讀書讀到一半,站起身,出門,再也沒有回頭。                    
                                                                           
你知道大文豪扥爾斯泰是怎麼死的嗎?                                        
                                                                           
他是在風雪天逃家,死在火車站的。                                          
                                                                           
他們的老婆都曾經是他們的愛妻,他們為什麼那麼絕呢?                        
                                                                           
誰不知道愛麗絲漂亮?誰不知道扥爾斯泰的夫人賢慧?                          
                                                                           
但是漂亮的不永遠漂亮,賢慧的不永遠賢慧,                                  
                                                                           
你要想想他們會不會像前麵故事裡的老徐,                                    
                                                                           
當他們的另一半變了質,不再優雅、不再體貼,                                
                                                                           
到有一天,他們忍無可忍,想開了,                                          
                                                                           
便突然下決定-離開,甚至即使會凍死,他們也要離開。                        
                                                                           
女人也一樣,多少女人在丈夫「變質」之後,                                  
                                                                           
為了孩子忍,忍了十幾二十年,孩子上大學入社會,女人就突然離開了。          
                                                                           
她們的道理簡單─「我覺得我的前半生白過了,我少女的夢想一點都沒有實現,     
                                                                           
我的犧牲夠大了,剩下一點歲月,讓我作回我自己吧!」                        
                                                                           
你看過羅伯J.華勒寫的(麥迪遜之橋/廊橋遺夢)嗎?                                    
                                                                           
笑死人了!那個女主角跟丈夫在小鎮過了平靜的一生,                          
                                                                           
居然真正讓她永難忘懷的,是丈夫不在時,偶然闖入她生活的一個男人。          
                                                                           
幾天的激情,怎能換來她一生的懷念?                                        
                                                                           
很簡單,因為她一生太平靜,                                                
                                                                           
因為她的生活太枯燥,也可能因為她的老公太無趣。                           
                                                                           
如果「哪一天」,她選擇跟「哪一個男人」,走了,你會驚訝嗎?                
                                                                           
看到這裡,你有沒有想想你自己的生活?                                      
                                                                           
你還有沒有「當年」的情趣?                                                
                                                                           
抑或是你已經粗俗地十足是個「莽漢」、「潑婦」、「糟老頭」、「歐巴桑」?    
                                                                           
  你會為吸引另一半而去健身、減肥、控製口腹之欲嗎?                      
  你會因為知道他喜歡「健康色」,而多曬一點太陽嗎?                      
  你們還會兩口子單獨出遊,享受一點「自己的時間」嗎?                    
                                                                           
記住!婚姻是要經營的?                                                    
                                                                           
妳再忙,也應該保持自己的儀容,                                            
                                                                           
妳即使是家庭主婦,依然要追得上外麵的潮流。                                
                                                                           
你即使在家上班,也得天天刮鬍子、常常理髮,不能隻穿睡衣晃來晃去。          
                                                                           
最起碼,你們一定要找機會,把自己打扮得十分體麵,                          
                                                                           
梳了頭、化了妝、噴上香水,再穿上西裝、晚禮服,出去應酬一下。              
                                                                           
真正的目的不是應酬,是讓你的另一半「驚訝」的發現,                        
                                                                           
原來在燈光下、燭光下,妳化起妝,他穿起禮服,還是那麼的嫵媚、瀟灑。        
                                                                           
你們雖然應該節省,但餐具還是該成套,而且要常替換。                       
                                                                           
一位那是情趣、是變化,                                                    
                                                                           
而且同樣的食物裝在不同的餐具裡,能有完全不同的感覺。                     
                                                                           
你想想,今晚妳捨棄以前的塑膠杯或喝水用的玻璃杯,                          
                                                                           
為他端出放在瓷碟裡的一杯咖啡時,他的感覺有多麼不同。                      
                                                                           
人都追求感覺、追求新鮮、追求變化、追求品質。                              
                                                                           
婚姻也一樣,當你不在能用「性」去愛、用思想去愛。                          
                                                                           
人可以老化,但不能腐化;婚姻可以老化,也不能腐化。                        
                                                                           
當你的婚姻有一天亮起紅燈,                                                
                                                                           
妳永遠要想想,是他變了質,還是你變了質?                                  
                                                                           
亦或你們兩個都沒有愛的能力,你們隻懂「性」,不懂「愛」。                  
                                                                           
如果你們已經四五十歲,你們要想想,你們辛苦了半生,                        
                                                                           
存那麼多錢,到今天,過的是什麼樣的生活?                                  
                                                                           
你們的辛苦,除了為子女,還為什麼?                                        
                                                                           
如果你是女人,你要想想;                                                  
                                                                           
他前十年要你幫他創業,中間十年要你幫他攢錢,                              
                                                                           
再過十年,他還要幫他存,存到他死嗎?                                      
                                                                           
還是希望你為他安排「怎麼花錢」?                                          
                                                                           
否則,當有一天,他到老周家,發現自己辛苦大半生,                          
                                                                           
連菜場裡有的水果都吃不到的時候,他會怎麼想?                              
                                                                           
同樣的,如果你是男人,你要想想;                                          
                                                                           
一個女人,跟了你,腆了肚子、彎了腰,駝了背、碎了夢,                      
                                                                           
她的一生快要過完了,她還有什麼?                                          
                                                                           
孩子笑著出嫁的時候,她哭;                                                
                                                                           
你笑著招待朋友的時候,她累;                                              
                                                                           
你老了,先走一步的時候她送終。                                            
                                                                           
剩下沒多少日子了,你該不該做點什麼?                                      
                                                                           
你成天在外忙,值不值?                                                    
                                                                           
還是一句老話,你們有沒有愛的能力與智慧?                                  
                                                                           
如果你不希望另一半有一天因為「想通了」而離開你,                          
                                                                           
你就要想想「你是不是該做一點點改變」?                                    
                                                                           
畢竟夫妻要做的長久,是很大的一門功課



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評論
村幹部 回複 悄悄話 有點道理,人是相互關懷,才是和美的夫妻.
vwbeetle 回複 悄悄話 回複sydney-boy的評論:

好像 yiyi 姑娘的見識比你這位 "boy"多!

anahiyiyi 回複 悄悄話 回複sydney-boy的評論:
百家爭鳴嘛
你這種口氣不利於和諧
你的心態有問題
sydney-boy 回複 悄悄話 回複vwbeetle的評論:
超,什麽功利主義,很多人都是心裏想但嘴裏不說罷了。你不欣賞無所謂,這裏沒有人強迫你的。
vwbeetle 回複 悄悄話 不欣賞!
太雜,
功利主義.
閑人Filiz 回複 悄悄話 謝謝分享,學習好文!
CCTV-4 回複 悄悄話 嗬嗬 就算金屁吧
這個道理在京華煙雲裏麵已經闡述的夠清楚了
一絲浮塵 回複 悄悄話 頂好文!謝謝分享!
東又西 回複 悄悄話 說得有理。收藏了。
登錄後才可評論.