Anssi 要走了

上個星期四，很無意的發現Anssi麵容嚴肅，就想起來給他發Skye. Skye是我常用的，但不是他用的。太多回憶，不知道從何說起了。

我很撒嬌似的要他抱抱，因為要報考AWS. 結果他告訴我他已經正式通知公司離職了。太沒想到了！我一時不知從何說起，裝作震驚的問他到哪裏。他還是很耐心的解釋了。說主要是為了事業的發展，還說有25%的工資提高。我還能說什麽呢，隻好祝福他。我還是撒嬌，要他給我買禮物。

周五我還是不能自已，趕緊跟他打招呼，聊聊啊。說這說那，說他的後背，和傷。 他說Hannu對他不公平啊。

一個周末都是蒙蒙的。感覺不能睡，不能想。像是一切都回來了。我記得他一瞬間的體溫。好像是在Nokia的一次次失之交臂都回來了。感覺這份工作真的是把一切都還原了。我找到了一切的感覺，難道下一步就是離職了嗎？我已經這把年紀了，離職後又能怎樣呢？

昨天周一，我想跟他要禮物。腦子裏都是要跟他求證我們的下一步親密關係。要他跟我中午去給需要救助的孩子們買禮物，他拒絕了。我慌了，跑出去給孩子們買了禮物， 也給他帶了一個。回來的路上碰到了Sakari, 他看到了我的慌張和抑鬱。

本來在餐桌上把禮物給了他。以為自己很得意。回來在Slack上接著聊啊。結果，結果還我怕的結果，他在下午給我把禮物退了回來。

"Ah this is going to be so awkward... okay, I appreciate you are being nice and friendly, and that is really appreciated, but I think this is a bit too personal and I don't think our thoughts on that are going the same direction. I may be wrong and you are just trying to be super friendly but I just feel this is the case. I cannot accept this gift because it would make me feel guilty for both accepting that and you would be expecting something in return. I am really sorry but I think this is going to be more disappointment for you if I don't speak up now. I hope I have not created false expectations based on my actions, at least that has not been the intent. I don't know how to make this less awkward but could you possibly gift it to someone else or return it? I am really really sorry."

 

是啊，我還能再nice一點嗎？

Yang Xu 3:25 PM

hmm, I really did not expect the gift will create such awkard situation

 

3: PM

it is definitely not the initial

 

3:26 PM

I do not expect my gift being returned. it is more awkward than receiving an unexpected gift, I would say

 

3:26 PM

but if that makes you feeling better, you can return it to me

 

Anssi Järvensivu 3:26 PM

I am really really sorry

 

Yang Xu 3:54 PM

I do not know what wrong direction it went

 

3:54 PM

just had a short meeting

 

3:55 PM

But in a way, I wanted to keep you as a friend instead of being completely apart from you once you are away from HansenCX or I leave (edited) 

 

3:56 PM

because I somehow always keep people higher value than work or mission that we encountered

 

3:56 PM

you said you are a nerd

 

3:56 PM

maybe you can look at the things a bit differently than you normally do

 

3:58 PM

really, take it easy

 

Anssi Järvensivu 4:02 PM

people make the company, after all

 

Yang Xu 4:02 PM

and people go around

 

Anssi Järvensivu 4:03 PM

they do

 

Yang Xu 4:03 PM

 

 

4several years I was away from Finland, when I look around in Helsinki, those people I had met in variants situations are being around

 

4:04 PM

There are ones I really did not like, to whom I would never ask a favor

 

4:05 PM

but there are also ones I feel very safe to share some thought

 

4:06 PM

Even Andriy was saying any day if we are free, he will take some long bus ride to come to city for a cup of coffee

 

4:07 PM

and suggesting me to use some app if I want message to be safe

 

Yang Xu 4:44 PM

But think it again, I believe after all explanation, you already get what I mean and not having any misunderstood to each other.

 

4:44 PM

That is the best state I can expect.

 

Anssi Järvensivu 4:44 PM

I do

 

Yang Xu 4:44 PM

I only demand you to think in my way and move away from your own shoe and I even expect you to "take it easy"

 

4:44 PM

this is really unfair

 

4:45 PM

I should stand in your shoe to look at this social disaster

 

4:45 PM

so, shall we do in this way?

 

4:45 PM

you return the gift back to me

 

Anssi Järvensivu 4:45 PM

well not a disaster as such

 

Yang Xu 4:45 PM

we are good as nothing had ever happened

 

4:45 PM

would it be the best state for you to live with all objects around you?

 

4:46 PM

 

4:46 PM

am I getting wiser?

 

4:49 PM

If I had bothered to think what to choose for you, I shall also take care of the aftermath. not a big deal. The "awkwardness" is the favor I do for you for Christmas... It is all about appreciations and goods

 

Anssi Järvensivu 4:50 PM

well, while objects only world has its benefits, even people like me appreciate some tiny amount of other humans around  (edited) 

 

Yang Xu 4:57 PM

I see. I am even more convinced