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A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.


After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.


I had no Monet


to buy Degas


to make the Van Gogh"


See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.


I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse

When I am a old lady

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,

And bring so much happiness...just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues

And I'll bounce on the furniture...wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
When they're on the phone and just out of reach

I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
When they cook dinner and call me to eat

I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat

I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table

And when they get angry...I'll run...if I'm able!

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click

I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away

And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh

I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping

And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
God Bless All Moms and Grandmas everywhere!

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She
presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known
proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.
Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that
these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1.
Don't change horses
until they stop running.

2.
Strike while the
bug is close.

3.
It's always darkest before
Daylight Saving Time.

4.
Never underestimate the power of
termites.

5.
You can lead a horse to water but
How?

6.
Don't bite the hand that
looks dirty.

7.
No news is
impossible

8.
A miss is as good as a
Mr.

9.
You can't teach an old dog new
Math

10.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll
stink in the morning.

11.
Love all, trust
Me.

12.
The pen is mightier than the
pigs.

13.
An idle mind is
the best way to relax.

14.
Where there's smoke there's
pollution.

15.
Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.

16.
A penny saved is
not much.

17.
Two's company, three's
the Musketeers

18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what
you put on to go to bed.

19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
You have to blow your nose.

20.
There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder.

21.
Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded.

22.
If at first you don't succeed
get new batteries.

23.
You get out of something only what you
See in the picture on the

box
24

.
When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.

25.
A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!

26.
Better late than
Pregnant
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes something like this:
What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And now, what is over 100% ?
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass-kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass-kissing that will put you over the top !!!!!!

Don't you just Love it?!!!

股神”巴菲特自述：我為什麽要捐掉99％的財富？

　　2006年，我曾作出承諾，逐漸將我持有的所有伯克希爾·哈撒韋股票捐贈給慈善基金。這個決定讓我再開心不過。

　　現在，蓋茨夫婦和我正在要求幾百位美國富豪至少為慈善事業捐出50%的個人財富，所以我還是重新解釋我的意圖及其背後考量為宜。

　　首先，我承諾，在我有生之年或大去之際，我將把至少99%的個人財富捐獻給慈善事業。以美元衡量的話，這筆錢誠然可觀，但從相對價值角度出發，每天都有許多人向他人贈予更多。

　　有數以百萬計的人常常為教會、學校和其他機構作貢獻，從而放棄了原本可以用來惠及自己家庭的物質財富。他們對貧乞者的接濟和給聯合之路勸募協會的捐款，意味著放棄看電影、去餐廳就餐或其他個人享樂。相形之下，我的家人和我兌現捐贈99%財富的承諾則不需以犧牲需要或想要的東西為代價。

　　更何況，這一捐贈也不會讓我放棄最珍貴的資產，即“時間”。有許多人，其中也包括我的三個子女，都為幫助他人奉獻了大量時間與才華。這種贈予往往遠比金錢更有價值。對一個在困境中掙紮的孩子來說，從一個充滿愛心的良師益友處獲得培育，遠比得到一張支票更珍貴。我的姐姐桃樂絲每天都對一些人施以援手，我在這方麵則做得很少。

　　而我所能做的，就是拿出一大堆伯克希爾·哈撒韋的股票憑證，這些“提款存單”變現之後可以換成各種資源，從而讓那些沒能抽中人生上上簽的人獲得些許補償。

　　目前為止，我已經捐贈了20%的個人股票(包括來自我過世的妻子蘇珊·巴菲特的股票)。剩下的股票，我會每年捐出4%。在資產清算後最遲10年，我希望我所擁有的伯克希爾股票能夠悉數投入慈善事業。這些錢將不會用做長期性捐贈基金，我希望它們能用來解決人們的眼前需求。

　　擁有某些東西，確實能讓我的生活更有滋味，但擁有過多反讓我吃不消。我想有一架昂貴的私人飛機，但若擁有好幾處房產，就會成為一種負擔。很多時候，擁有越多財富，越會淪為財富的奴隸。我最珍視的財富，除卻健康，還有那些幽默有趣、個性多彩、長久相伴的朋友們。

　　在這個國度，那些在戰場上挽救他人生命者會被授予勳章，好老師會被回報以學生家長的感謝信，而那些能夠發現公司股票錯誤定價的投資者，則會被饗以數億資財。一言以蔽之，命運的安排反複無常，無人能確定誰會抽到上上簽。

　　我和我的家人不會為我們的非凡好運感到罪惡，相反，我們充滿感恩。假使我們把多於1%的財富花在自己身上，我們的幸福感和成就感並不會因此加強。然而，剩下的99%財富卻能對他人的健康與福祉產生莫大影響。這一現實為我和我的家人指明了道路：留下的財富夠花即可，其餘則贈予社會，去滿足更多需求。這份捐贈誓言，就是我們踏上慈善之路的開始。

~~~~~~~~~~~
曹操《短歌行》

對酒當歌，人生幾何？譬如朝露，去日苦多。
概當以慷，憂思難忘。何以解憂？唯有杜康。
青青子衿，悠悠我心。但為君故，沈吟至今。
呦呦鹿鳴，食野之蘋。我有嘉賓，鼓瑟吹笙。
明明如月，何時可掇？憂從中來，不可斷絕。
越陌度阡，枉用相存。契闊談咽，心念舊恩。
月明星稀，烏鵲南飛。繞樹三匝，何枝可依。
山不厭高，海不厭深，周公吐哺，天下歸心。

《三國演義》第四十八回有一段曹操橫槊賦詩的描寫。曹操平定北方後,率百萬雄師,飲馬長江,與孫權決戰。是夜明月皎潔,他在大江之上置酒設樂,歡宴諸將。酒酣,操取槊立於船頭,慷慨而歌。歌辭就是上麵這首《短歌行》。
這是一首很有名的詩,蘇東坡在《前赤壁賦》中就提到它,後來經過小說家渲染,更是家喻戶曉了。但此詩究竟寫什麽？唐代吳兢說它“言當及時為樂”(《樂府古題要解》)。羅貫中則又給此詩蒙上“詩讖”的迷信色彩,說曹操“烏鵲南飛”諸句是不祥之兆,預示他赤壁之戰的失敗。這些說法都沒有說到點子上,我認為還是清代張玉穀說得對:“此歎流光易逝,欲得賢才以早建王業之詩。”(《古詩賞析》卷八)陳沆也指出:“此詩即漢高《大風歌》思猛士之旨也。”

“對酒當歌,人生幾何？……何以解憂？惟有杜康。”這是勸人及時行樂嗎？誠然這是曹操對人生短促的感歎,但他不是因流年易逝而生貪生畏死之想,聯係全篇來看,他感歎的是戰爭頻仍,大業未成,因而產生一種時間的緊迫感,正如他自己所說:“不戚年往,憂世不治”(曹操《秋胡行》),所以他這“人生幾何”的慨歎,並不軟弱消沉,而是為了執著於有限之生命,珍惜有生之年,思及時努力,幹一番轟轟烈烈的事業。魏源說得好:“對酒當歌,有風雲之氣。”

曆來創業雄主深知一條成功之路,要治國平天下,首先要有經天緯地之能人。馬上得天下的漢高祖唱《大風歌》曰:“安得猛士兮守四方!”這是他發乎其中的心聲。此時曹操,“方其破荊州,下江陵,順流而東也”,他更迫切需要輔佐自己打天下的人才。所以,當此月明星稀之夜,“釃酒臨江,橫槊賦詩”之時,不禁一吐其求賢若渴之情了。

“青青子衿,悠悠我心”,他仿佛是隨口吟詠《詩經》中的名句。自續二句曰:“但為君故,沉吟至今。”便把本是女子對情人的深情相思,變成自己對賢才的渴望了。“呦呦鹿鳴”四句,是《詩經》中誠懇熱情歡宴賓客的詩篇,曹操又信手拈來,表示自己期待賢者的熱誠。“明明如月,何時可掇?”又把賢者比為高空的明月,光照宇內；可望而不可即,不由使人“憂從中來,不可斷絕”。感謝“越陌度阡”遠道而來的賢士們,屈尊相從,在今日的宴會上促膝談心,真感到莫大的快慰！可是我知道還有大批賢士尚在歧路徘徊。他們像南飛烏鵲,擇木而棲,繞樹三匝,還沒有最後選定歸宿呢！於是,曹操對天下賢才發出由衷的呼喚:“山不厭高,海不厭深。周公吐哺,天下歸心。”表示自己有寬廣的政治胸懷,求賢之心永無止境,猶如大海不辭涓流,高山不棄土石一樣。並且,他以禮賢下士的周公自勵,號召天下賢才來歸,開創一個“天下歸心”的大好局麵。這四句詩氣魄宏偉,感情充沛,表現出統一天下的雄心和進取精神。在千古詩人中,隻有曹操這樣一位雄才大略、睥睨一世的人物才寫得出來,也隻有他能與之相稱。至今讀之,猶覺豪氣逼人。

讀者也許要問:曹操,世之奸雄也,果能有如此愛才、禮賢的胸襟？應該公正地說,曆史上的曹操是一位思想解放的改革家。漢武帝罷黜百家,獨尊儒術,造成了兩漢文化思想上的僵化,董仲舒更倡導儒術與神學相結合的讖緯學說。曹操則對神學迷信,封建禮教等傳統觀念大膽懷疑,公開否定。從用人來說,兩漢以通經、仁孝取士,曹操則提出“唯才是舉”,重用“不仁不孝,而有治國用兵之術”的人。他抗聲雄辯道:“夫有行之士未必能進取,進取之士未必能有行也。陳平豈篤行,蘇秦豈守信耶？而陳平定漢業,蘇秦濟弱燕。由此言之,士有偏短,庸可廢乎?”《三國誌·武帝紀》注引魏書,說他“知人善察,難弦以偽,拔於禁、樂進於行陣之間,取張遼、徐晃於亡虜之內,皆佐命立功,列為名將。”他“外定武功,內興文學”,“晝攜壯士破堅陣,夜接詞人賦華屋”。有一位擅草書檄的陳琳,早年曾為袁紹作檄文,辱罵曹操為“敖閹遺醜”(曹操出身宦官家庭),後袁敗歸曹,操謂曰:“卿昔為本初移書,但可罪狀孤而已,惡惡止其身,何乃上及父祖耶?”左右勸殺之,操憐其才,不咎既往,加以重用。由此可見,上述曹操橫槊賦詩抒發其一片愛才心意,感情是真實的,是符合他的為人的。陳子展教授《談曹操》一文中評論曹操的詩“慷慨悲涼,千古絕調。……其詩之風格恰與其人之人格相稱。修辭立其誠,迥非後世之獨夫民賊盜國擅權,妄為豪言壯語、自欺欺人,終受曆史裁判者所可比擬。此亦其在文學上別有造詣之一秘也。”