我就是個有縫的蛋.

It's so hard to handle the energy (or mood) recently, too intense to manage it. It all started with organizing a donation with another friend, for a Canadian- Chinese lady.

After all, we finally had 44 Chinese women joined together and bought two meat-processing equipment for her, so she could start a home-based small business. 

We actually are only online-community friends, never met each other in the real life, but we all know each other a little bit via a Chinese website online-forum. This Canadian Chinese lady is going through a painful divorce now, and her husband doesn't have or give money to support her and their 5 year-old son. She don't have a job and applying for a government-funded loan in order to go back school and learn a skill. 

What surprised me and deeply hurt me are some of very negative online comments, since the donation initiated online and managed online publicly. There are two kinds of negative attitudes over there; one is, in Chinese culture, some people hate or are jealous anyone who attempts to be a leader. There is an old saying in Chinese culture - the first bird is always being picked and killed as the very first target （槍打出頭鳥）. Some people are jealous who ever in a leader or organizer position, they always suspect the leader's motivation, they don't believe a leader trying to show love and support to other human being, rather than judge a leader taking a credibility and taking advantage. The second is, some people just don't want to support each other, it's full of hatred and fear in their mind. 

Therefore, I was verbally attacked by these kind of people; they were posting online comments like " why do you organize this donation in the public forum, why do you post the name list of the donors in the public forum, why don't you be quiet and secretly to do this, why can't you do it privately? She doesn't deserve a donation because she had a boat( many years ago), or because she lived better than me( many years ago), she didn't work hard enough,she wants to marry a rich after divorce, she never studied in the school for past 6 years, why should I believe she is going to be in independent woman.. " and on and on, all these bullshit. 

Isn't funny? Yes, not only because this kind of people they don't want to give others love by donating money, but also, they felt to be humiliated- they were worry about they are loosing their " face value" and fame; because their name is not in the 'glory' list posted in the open forum - their names are not there, they felt offended.

Come on, am I really spend my precious time to humiliate you purposely, rather than just want to,being kindly, help and support someone whose living is not in good condition, no job, willing to have an education soon future, and have a 5 year-old boy needs to be feed? 

Their major dissatisfaction on me is "You are so shallow to post the name list online to make yourself looks good". Luckily, I have a best husband of the world (嗬嗬，平時就這樣說） thanks GOD. I am going to let it go and still choose having peace, joy , and love in my life.

(語法錯誤，原諒自己。英語學不好， 就應該給道歉的人隻有我自己！）