今年一點都不好玩兒

 

今年一點都不好玩兒這句話，是我們二女兒在90年六四的時候和我說的。我問為什麽？她接著說去年多熱鬧啊，今年冷冷清清的。

是啊，去年的這個時候，她才上初三。 學生們吵著民.主啊,自.由啊，她們也似懂非懂。有一天，她說：“媽媽，我們同學都說你很民主，是個民主媽媽。”我就想你看，我天天很忙東跑西顛，家務事幹得少，所以不嘮叨。孩子的功課我也不管，都是先生管，他都是連吼帶叫的。孩子小的時候，說打就打，像個暴君，所以把我給襯托的形象好了。

有一天，回到家，說起外邊的遊行，老二就在屋子裏轉起來了，一邊走一邊喊：“我們要民主，我們要民主，我們向爸爸要民主！”還好,沒說打倒爸爸，她們也知道爸爸如果不給做飯就麻煩了。不過她很聰明啊，我就想家裏沒民.主，國家能民.主嗎？

來到美國以後，在肯塔基的時候，我們辦了個中文學校。我們還是中國人的習慣，家長總是給孩子做主。我們要去一個小學校宣傳中國文化, 汀汀會畫畫，通常我就叫她去幫忙，她那時才上小學，我就和他媽媽說了。到了去的那一天，她媽媽說：奶奶讓你去幫忙哪，她馬上說：“為什麽她不問我哪？”是啊，小家夥教我學民.主，人.權哪。她也是人啊。人家小狗小貓還有權呐，何況我們的孩子。以後我就注意培養自己尊敬每個人的意識了，包括小朋友。我發現，幾千年大人給孩子做主的習慣已經成形了，很難改啊。

現在我在的教堂是美南浸信會的教會，是民.主管理製度。教會裏很多的管理委員會，管傳教的，管學習聖經的，管圖書館的，管建築和財產的，管錢的，管廚房的，等等等等。教堂裏從經費預算，到給誰念書補助，從提名誰做那項服侍，到人家轉教堂，每個月都要開會，誰提議，誰附議，然後大家表決。就連要挪一筆小錢，從一個委員會到另一個委員會，都要大家表決。隻見廣東堂的，英文堂的參加的人都很多，可是國語堂的大陸來的很少參加，給他參議的權利都不要，嫌麻煩，還是沒習慣。

在美國教會更是每個星期三都有會，提案拿出，同意的說I, 不同意地說什麽（我給忘了）。剛到美國，上主日學，老師說了個什麽事情，大家都說不該這樣，然後有位姊妹就說：也得讓人家說話啊，要不我們怎麽有權說話啊，又受了一次言論自由的教育。

六四都34周年了，紀念一下。

 

[加州花坊]

回複 '林向田' 的評論 : 說得對！

[加州花坊]

回複 'elfie' 的評論 : Good to learned something like this in young age.

[加州花坊]

回複 '林向田' 的評論 : 每當人家問我為什麽喜歡美國，我的回答永遠是自由。

[elfie]

I was about that age, but I didn't feel bad in the summer of 1990.
There was the World Cup and I was crazy about Maradonna back then. Together with my cousin we watched every match on TV. There was not much going on in the summer of the prior year in our town. There were some protests, but they went down pretty fast. I was a middle school student so I didn't get to see anything on the street in May. When school was off, the protests were over too. My dad, by the way, also made a 180 degree turn from supporting the protests to support the crackdown when the wind turned. I loathed him even more since then. We've never been close and I thought he was an opportunist and my mother was a hero in 1989. I think she's brave and also clever, my dad was a treacherous coward. At 15 years old I already decided I must leave the country for its injustice. A 15 year old kid wasn't all blind and just wanted to have fun being a spectator. I didn't have any sympathy for the soldiers burnt or cut open, shown on TV. There was only profound fear and total disgust after viewing it: "Is this all for real? Or is it a show to try to intimidate people?" I buried that mistrust deep down in my heart towards the official rhetoric. Because all of a sudden I realized the Communist Party was a fraud and cowardice to its people. What kind of leaders are they that cheated on the young, college students? The sky fell down to me and all the reality revealed: it turned out almost everything I learned about Chinese history was revised, propaganda stuff. The famous four ancient inventions were made up. The heroes that were brandished in the textbooks were actually villains; the villains, on the other hand, were better people. Shoot, teens like me were not stupid. Summer 1989 was a good lesson for us youngsters to learn. And I took it to my heart.

[林向田]

隻要談民主總會有粉紅跳出來說民主的壞處，說獨裁的優勢。
自由比民主更重要，中國人首先還是沒有自由。