Amoren Love
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最近我的大部分時間基本花在對MBTI（Myers Briggs Type Indicator）的研究上。我的目的有兩個：一是通過MBTI，找出最佳配對的原則，幫助了解自我，同時洞察和明白他人，理解他或她人的心理模式。二是找出MBTI類型和leadership的關係，這個主要是為將來使用的。現在配對的原則我已經有了雛形，再有2個星期左右就可以全部完成。我把MBTI簡化成無需做題，讓你可以用很短的時間（半小時之內甚至更短）就判斷出自己和對方的大概類型，而且準確率在75％以上。這樣做的目的是因為在現實生活中，我們不可能總有機會做題，更難叫所有自己感興趣的人也去做題目來得到他（她）們的類型。
根據你對他或她的類型判斷，再比較你自己的類型，你就可以知道他們是否是你的最佳配對。如果有幸你碰到了，通常情況下，你不需要花太多的時間和功夫就可以把你們兩個之間的關係推向到你想要的層次上。就算你們結婚了，問題和麻煩都比其他人要小很多。如果你碰到的類型不是，我也設計出來一整套策略，讓彼此雙方更了解對方，從而保證你們之間可能產生的矛盾降低到最低點。
過去我一直對性格類型（Personality Typology）不太感興趣，主要是我認為我的方法可以“打遍天下無敵手”－ 對付任何類型的人都沒有問題。後來我意識到對於思考能力比較強，比較靈活的人來說，這個可能會比較簡單些。但是世界上有很多人是不喜歡思考的（注意這和是否聰明能幹沒有關係 － 從MBTI類型中可以清楚證明這點）。有一個性格類型做基礎和原則，會把問題簡化很多，這樣受益的人就會更多。
MBTI在中文這個領域並不流行。它是通過五十幾年的研究和發展，幾千人的試驗得到的結果。目前是世界上最流行的性格測試，每年全世界有超過2百萬人參加MBTI測試。有很多人都參加過測試，知道自己的類型。絕大多數人隻是知道自己的類型而已，這和原來MBTI的創始人之一Isabel Briggs Myers(另一個是她母親Katharine Cook Briggs)的初衷而言，其實是有非常大的區別的。很簡單，光知道自己的類型隻能幫助自己更了解自己，可是在現實中，我們必須和他人反複打交道，知道他人的類型能讓你更你的人際關係更輕鬆寫意。
愛情更是如此。知道自己的性格，了解自己的需要，同時洞察明白他（她）人，才能讓兩性關係更加融洽，才能讓你更輕鬆得到你想要的人。
So until next time, 這方麵，我會給你們更多的信息。
P.S. “如何釣到你的金龜婿”係列並沒有完。我還有最後一篇明天發表。個人認為那才是最重要的。
根據你對他或她的類型判斷，再比較你自己的類型，你就可以知道他們是否是你的最佳配對。如果有幸你碰到了，通常情況下，你不需要花太多的時間和功夫就可以把你們兩個之間的關係推向到你想要的層次上。就算你們結婚了，問題和麻煩都比其他人要小很多。如果你碰到的類型不是，我也設計出來一整套策略，讓彼此雙方更了解對方，從而保證你們之間可能產生的矛盾降低到最低點。
過去我一直對性格類型（Personality Typology）不太感興趣，主要是我認為我的方法可以“打遍天下無敵手”－ 對付任何類型的人都沒有問題。後來我意識到對於思考能力比較強，比較靈活的人來說，這個可能會比較簡單些。但是世界上有很多人是不喜歡思考的（注意這和是否聰明能幹沒有關係 － 從MBTI類型中可以清楚證明這點）。有一個性格類型做基礎和原則，會把問題簡化很多，這樣受益的人就會更多。
MBTI在中文這個領域並不流行。它是通過五十幾年的研究和發展，幾千人的試驗得到的結果。目前是世界上最流行的性格測試，每年全世界有超過2百萬人參加MBTI測試。有很多人都參加過測試，知道自己的類型。絕大多數人隻是知道自己的類型而已，這和原來MBTI的創始人之一Isabel Briggs Myers(另一個是她母親Katharine Cook Briggs)的初衷而言，其實是有非常大的區別的。很簡單，光知道自己的類型隻能幫助自己更了解自己，可是在現實中，我們必須和他人反複打交道，知道他人的類型能讓你更你的人際關係更輕鬆寫意。
愛情更是如此。知道自己的性格，了解自己的需要，同時洞察明白他（她）人，才能讓兩性關係更加融洽，才能讓你更輕鬆得到你想要的人。
So until next time, 這方麵，我會給你們更多的信息。
P.S. “如何釣到你的金龜婿”係列並沒有完。我還有最後一篇明天發表。個人認為那才是最重要的。
Your logic of "if someone is stupid, we don't need to explain about us too much, because he won't be able to understand anyway. If he is smart enough, we don't need to explain either, because he will be smart enough to understand by himself." is typical characteristics of NT types. But you have to understand other types may not understand what's in your mind – your logic and rationale behind if you don't tell them precisely. This probably has little to do with their intelligence but the ways they perceive and judge. That's reason why I wrote some articles about personality development. You can't give yourself an excuse that because you're INT_ or any other types, you're just being yourself so you expect others instead of yourself to change. This doesn't fit in the reality.
What you can do is to check http://amorenlove.com/16_types_1.html, especially looking at how you respond under the stress. It's usually the best way to determine your type if you’re not quite sure. I only listed some but all characteristic responses to stress for each type. But it's enough to get clues about your real type.
Thanks for sharing your story with me. Many things in this world have logic and rational explanations but it doesn’t necessarily mean they're realistically correct. We can't use logic or rationality to judge everything, even in science, needless to say our emotions or affection. What you need to do is to train yourself, I mean your intuition, more specifically, to back up what you think so that you can avoid "logic but stupid." I have to repeat myself: other types are totally different in this regard.
Anyone who wants to get their desired target must open themselves up. Again use your thinking and intuition as backup to choose how much you will believe them. Loose yourself up a bit – turn down your NT preference, when necessary in your love life. You may get hurt but this can help you grow stronger eventually. I do believe that's the price all of us should pay in order to achieve a real maturity.
typo. sorry.
Thanks for your information. Your analysis looks thorough for me.
indeed what you said is pretty true. Here are some of my observations. INT* are generally too rational and poor in communication skills of love with their partners. Especially when making seemly "tough or logical" decisions, they'd rather follow their intuition or their mind rather than their heart. For instance, I always have to struggle on the problem of "follow the mind or follow the heart". The problem gets even worse due to a lack of motivation to explain their intentions or actions to other people (due to introvert and thinking). This is because deep down most INT* are rather impatient with those who are not intelligent enough (according to the INT* standard). The logic goes like this: if someone is stupid, we don't need to explain about us too much, because he won't be able to understand anyway. If he is smart enough, we don't need to explain either, because he will be smart enough to understand by himself. Of course, as a consequence, it can create a lot of misunderstandings between INT* and the outside world, which might give an unexpected tensions to their relationships. INT* realize it but still find it hard to change, and it makes them seem to be "inhumane".
It is true that it's very difficult for INT* to really fall in love with someone. Partly due to their perfectionism nature and their "critical" criteria of a perfect partner. Ironical, INT* are not the most perfect partners themselves.. :p.. INT* can easily gave the impression of being ego-centric. However, I don't agree for 100%. I think what we are really interested in is anything or anyone that can reflect THE EGO of us, or in other words, that can improve the EGO of us. (Think about future and self-development, in your words ;-))
Your deion for INT* is precise, namely "critical, suspicious and analytical". I still doubt though if they are really the natural enemies for romantic love. Being rational could be good sometimes for love, i guess.....Nevertheless, I've heard of similar advice/comments several times already. Friends of mine got wondering if i could stop thinking or being too analytical just for a while. It's like a processor running at a high speed all day long while trying to keep cool but still hard preventing from being over-heated at certain point of time. And once INT* get "system over-heated", they tend to become even more "critical" to themselves or to others in order to repress the fear of losing control....Other issues such as hard to trust others, or highly cynical are also true to my opinion. INT* have complex characters indeed :p Well, as every coin has two sides, these also make INT* so unique.
Thanks for the hint of "guard your heart". I guess mostly the problem lie in ""guard your heart too much". :p Though INT* are smart enough to hide their doubts, how to learn to believe in others and open the heart is a question i'd like to learn.:-)
To end, share a small story with you. One day an old wise friend of mine shows some funny maths proofs to me. These proofs are logically perfect but in fact totally wrong and meaningless. The conclusion is, sometimes we could be purely rational and logical, but in fact stupid as hell. "Logical but stupid", that's what the INT* should try to avoid.
PS, a small question concerning you. I noticed that INTJ appears more frequently than other types in your articles. Apparently you have special interests in INTJ type. Do you mind to tell me what's the reason? Are you or your partner from INTJ? Hope the questions are not too much privacy violating for you. :)
I'm not suggesting you shouldn't be cautious. In English, people often use "guard your heart" to express the same meaning. However, "guard your heart" is to put yourself in an unconscious state of defense. The assumption behind this is that you will be hurt, or at least you may be hurt now or in the future. That’s reason why you would need to guard in the first place. Sooner or later, you let your guard down gradually, and completely succumb to their charm. Most people act like this way; when and how you let your guard down depend on your perception of their seriousness and sincerity.
That's probably why many of love stories wind up with the heartbroken. Only will changing your mindset increase your chance of success in love.
Our society has many gender biases that a certain gender should follow certain behaviors. For example, men will be considered weak when they're crying. This makes so difficult to those Thinking females and Feeling males because traditionally, men are supposed to be manly - logical and impersonal, while women are supposed to be girly – sympathetic and tender-hearted. To a large extent, it could confuse those people with their true identities. They have to adjust their behaviors to fit in those biases and stereotypes. You probably have strong feelings for what I said. To truly accept who you're is always very important.
There is no difference between men and women in terms of their best match. You should understand the majority of who we're come from the education from society and others, especially from our parents. Type is about our preferences. Thus, Feeling person can be very logical too; similarly Thinking person can be very sympathetic. What I'm suggesting you is that you need to step out of the traditional way to see people.
Either INTPs or INTJs usually have poor skills in love. They tend to be too serious and rigid when they're searching their mates. What they're most interested is usually not any person, but their work and themselves, for advance or improvement. They use too much of their head instead of their heart in search for love. I've talked too much about INTJ in amorenlove.wordpress.com. You can use the search function over there to search what you want.
When you use your head too much, it will be difficult to find what you're looking for because you become critical, suspicious and analytical. These are the natural enemies for romantic love. Let's try a different way to explain it to you. You will be naturally attracted to a typical Feeling man, but when you use your head to analyze it, you will reject him because you've been TOLD (by society and others) they're not strong enough, and more importantly, it's against your inner version of perfect mate. I should admit that it's difficult for INTJs or INTPs to fall in love with anyone. Another blind spot you need to pay attention to is that try not to jump in a conclusion too quickly. In most cases, you really don't know who he is, especially when you rarely train your intuition to trust what you see and hear.
I know Enneagram, not too much though. Again, you can search what I talked about it in amorenlove.wordpress.com. Enneagram is just another personality test, in my opinion, and it's more like astrology. Psychological type is much more profound and insightful. What you can get from psychological type is much much more than Enneagram, or any other personality instruments.
Don't you agree I've already known love way too much…lol. Anyway, any comments are very welcome. Thanks for your compliments!
Seems that your matching follows certain general rules: T-F, S-S, N-N, E-I, P-J. Isn't it too simple and too general to categorize people's matching in this way? Besides, there should be a distinction between the love-taste of male and female.....at this point, the version of Alexander Avila presents a novel approach.
I've heard of another personality theory Enneagram (the nine personality type), you could find an interesting "Enneagram Compatibility Combinations" on this webiste:
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/matrix.asp
If you like to do research on matching of personality types, why not think of the combination approach of Enneagram and MBTI? (Sorry cannot give more professional remarks, my major is completely different than psychology.;-) i'm somewhere in beween INTP and INTJ, and like theorectial discussions....)
In all, your work looks great and interesting. Hope you don't mind of my armature remarks, and it would be nice to keep on with the discussions.
I actually read this book before. Unfortunately, this is not the book I would recommend. This book borrows a lot of ideas from Temperament theory of Dr. David Keirsey, and also separately talks about E&I, F&T, S&N, P&J to characterize people. I won't say this is incorrect, but this is not real MBTI. You can check the related articles in Decoding Love.
His ideas about type match, however, contradict with Temperament theory. This is something you should take a close look at. According to the author, Alexander Avila, for example, your type is ESFP, then your ideal match is ESTP, if you're a woman; your match is ISFP if you're a man. From my experience, along with Temperament theory (Dr. David Keirsey has many years experience in marriage counseling), ESFP matching with either ESTP or ISFP is a poor match. This kind of relationship usually leads to overspending, indecisiveness and boredom. You can visit here: http://amorenlove.com/love_matchability.html to understand what is the ideal type for ESFP.
Secondly, this book is very unpopular in the west (ranked #200,000 over on sales rank at amazon.com), because it has so many flaws. I should admit that Avila raised many interesting points and to a certain degree it's a useful book, but it's not the book you should use as Bible to guide your love. When you read this book, therefore, you need to be careful what information you can borrow.
Another flaw is the short-version test to get your type. It's not very accurate though. Anyone who writes this kind of book shouldn't use any test to get the type, or create a better test to get a more accurate result. The reason being is that you can't type people by a test if he or she is your desired target. If you guys are in a relationship, a better test is necessity.
There are too many misconceptions to understand psychological type or MBTI in Chinese. So far I haven't found any Chinese website that can interpret MBTI in comprehensive and insightful manners. Maybe you can help me to get one...
http://book.sina.com.cn/nzt/16lovetypes/
it is my handbook ;-) guess you will like too.
good luck! looking forward to more of your articles...