人 間 天 上 兩 心 知 (圖)

                                                                魚 和 熊 掌 (2)


"I'll be a wife and mother first, then First Lady." by Jacqueline Kennedy

A meaningful, yet , emotionally charged response to my previous post “潘多拉魔盒” prompted me to take a closer look at the question "Why should a women pursue higher education and acquire special knowledge or training in various areas if she would appealingly end up as home-bound wife ? The premise of this question implies that it might be a waste of time and efforts as a woman’s career is taken out of the equation . Could it be true ? It would depend upon whom you would ask and what data would be used to prove it. I understand that this is a very provocative issue. Gaining consensus is almost impossible given tons of variables there. But my attempt here is to present my thoughts in front of readers and let them to draw their own conclusions.

The first part of my series of “ 魚 和 熊 掌” indicated that a career-bound woman apparently is well-educated, well-informed, articulate and ambitious. So what is wrong with these good attributes of a woman? Nothing is wrong until it comes to relationship and marriage. In fact, the more successful the women are in career the more risks it may expose in relationship. Several social science studies published so far have raise eyebrows for this interesting phenomena.

To demonstrate my point, I’d like to invite you to create mental pictures in your mind;

Imaging this; a highly successful career woman who worked long hours comes home, exhausted and depleted physically and emotionally only finds out that her other half is also tired and hungry in many levels and his day is not over since he has brought some work home. Do you see what I'd have seen?

Now, Picture another scene; it is 9:00 AM an intelligent and highly educated woman with a cup of home brewed cappuccino coffee at her hand just completed a diner reservation for two on the phone while responding an email from her interior designer regarding the furniture selection for her living room on her laptop. Her cell-phone rings it is her friend who is asking her if she can finalize her fundraising plan for children in poverty-stricken medicine-scarce African countries before execution takes place.

Of cause, both scenes above are hypothesis, but endings seem to be obviously miles apart.

My own opinion is that high education and professional training received by women would never be wasted when she chooses to stay at home. The main reason is that the knowledge learned and accumulated from her education would allow her to appreciate the beauties of life surrounding her; to enhance her senses to enjoy her marriage and family, to enlighten her heart further to open for literature, art, music, history ……and other heritages from mankind. Foremost, she can leverage what she learned and learns to assist her husband, guide her children and advocate worthy causes for the community. In the end she would have more time for herself and become more satisfied in marriage overall than her counterparts who sink deep in the careers.

I have to admit my thinking of women's role is not always this way. It was only after I came to USA and my reading interests expanded much wider. There was one woman and her story reshaped my views about women with great education and fulfilling home life. Her name is Jacqueline Kennedy, wife of formal President John Kennedy. Jacqueline was well versed on many things; she spoke French, Spanish, and Italian fluently. As first lady her passion for fine arts and literature helped her husband to redefine his presidency and inspire an attention to culture never before evident at a national level. For instance, she established a fine arts committee to oversee and fund White House restoration. She transformed White House into an exquisite showcase for American arts. Most people know her legendary social grace at State Fairs, but very few people knew that she was a very skillful project manager and managed high profile artists and designers such as Parish, du Pont, and Boudin seamlessly. Don't forget those guys with very strong egos were all have their own private agenda. They were not easy to deal with in first place. Yet, she pulled off the project successfully. It was incredible even using today's management standards. Further, as a mother she did a fine job to protect her children from the press and give them a normal childhood. She defined her major role as "to take care of the President" and added that "if you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much."

I'd like to share some her words;

"I think the best thing I can do is to be a distraction. A husband lives and breathes his work all day long. If he comes home to more table thumping, how can the poor man ever relax?"

"Even though people may be well known, they hold in their hearts the emotions of a simple person for the moments that are the most important of those we know on earth: birth, marriage and death."

"There are two kinds of women, those who want power in the world and those who want power in bed."

Many people may say, this happened in long time ago and there should be no bearing for our discussion here. I’d agree that things have changed a lot since J acqueline Kennedy’s era. But many things in our life works like this; the more changes we have the more stay the same. My thought is that receiving higher education and staying home should not be mutually exclusive for a woman rather complimentary and it would be ideal for relationship, marriage and family provided the financial situation of a family is stable.

Note: The title “人 間 天 上 兩 心 知” comes from 韋莊的 

          思帝鄉

雲髻 墜，鳳釵垂。
髻 墜釵垂無力，枕函欹。
翡翠 屏深月落，漏依依。
說盡人間天 上，兩心知。

[mapleinfall]

Kennedy and Clinton 也許是不同的人，但他們有一點是共同的: 對待所愛的人不誠實和不忠實。 不論他們的政績如何, 我們這裏談的是婚姻,作為一個人。我相信他愛自己的妻子，但他們更愛自己。我以為，一切感情，沒有誠實和坦誠相待，就不是真愛對方，就不是真正負責任的人， 這一點他們是一樣的。。。。不要告訴我你愛我，你陪我去巴黎了。。。你因為不想傷害我才隱瞞的，世事是無法隱藏一輩子的，那一日到來的時候， 這傷害更深，這是真愛一個人嗎？是愛她象愛自己一樣嗎？不是。
No matter what great politician he was, He was not honest in love。He loved her and also he hurt her so much. 有一句話說得對：最愛自己的人，可能是傷害自己最深的人，這也是愛..

You don’t need pay back and you don’t owe me anything. But thank you for your article, which makes me think a lot. What I wrote here or in my blog both are for fun and thinking more. I should thank you for this.

[落花飄零]

1. I never respect politicians, because they can lie in your face without batting an eye.
2. Kennedy might have been a good politician, but claiming how much he loved his wife while he was sleeping around really makes me sick.

You must live in an ivory tower; a politician's life is twisted around and polished up dramatically before they come into the public eye. Believing those fairy tales is ...

[縱然平行]

mapleinfall: Glad that you'd like Kennedies as well. We all know many things in the world are not always to be able to be categorized into black and white. Even that I think that John Kennedy, a Harvard man, a author, a soldier and legend is not perfect but he did make great positive impacts over virtue, compassion and duty in American history and his love to his wife was also unforgettable. He once said " I am the man who accompanied Jacqueline Kennedy to Paris, and I have enjoyed it." I think that Jacqueline's love towards him was a deeply genuine one rather by being forced on political front. I think that she loved to be John's wife and mother of his children while assuming a woman's role that she favored..

I also appreciate that you bought Clintons into our discussion in the forum. This couple seems to be just the opposite side of the Kennedies. Bill Clinton, a Yale man, a draft dodger, a drug user, an author, a womanizer and veteran politician left a legacy of chaos and scars on America which would take decade to heal, his most memorable quote is "I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me ... I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky". How about his wife Hilary, a "fine example" of career women did choose, in my own opinion, to hung on with her man for her further political ambition. Jay Leno once joked on his late night show "Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the same sign? Know what sign? 'For Sale. '". The joke was a bit row but it might contain some truth in it.

Plese allow me to reiterate that higher education and staying home should not be mutually exclusive rather complimentary and it would be ideal for relationship, marriage and family provided the financial situation of a family is stable.

Thank you for spending time to write your thoughtful comments, if you do decide to bring back your comments into your blog I'd give my permission to take the my assay to go with it as my "pay-back". And to sweeten the deal I'd throw in my reply as well. Now we are even.

[縱然平行]

落花飄零: Are you a trained physician or born to be a politician at nature? Somehow, I felt that your mud-sling and words-twisting skills are evidently pretty good :).

I have no issue though, actually "I'm loving it "( have heard this McDonald commercial before ?) Please swing your best shots because I am good at taking them on. BTW, Do I forget to mention to you guys my skin is so thick that it would even make " the width of Great Wall" which Chinese are so proud of to sigh ?

A bit of advise I may , If time permits please read few time more of this assay and previous one as well, you might change your mind little bit afterwards. Hey, as they say, you never know.

Thx for your comment even though I believe I am not a sexist as you was painting me for.

[mapleinfall]

喜歡這句"人 間 天 上 兩 心知"...... nice title，very romantic :)

She is my favorite lady in USA history and I like John Kennedy very much too. I believe they are meant to be together, but unfortunately, John is not perfect and not a loyal person in love. Clinton is just like him. In this way, John is not good enough to be with Jacqueline. But I believe she loved him truly. That’s why Jacqueline didn’t have other choices.

我要寫中文了，還是覺得用母語表達的更隨心些，見諒：）
其實，真正有很大成就的人，是要很多人為他犧牲， 服務的。一個想征服世界的人，是沒有剩餘精力去照顧另一個人和家庭的。如果兩個人都想同時成功，在一起的可能性是太少了，多會分手的, 這也是為什末要為另一個人付出，如果你愛他/她，你的事業心又不強，你會的. 但如果事業是你的最重要的興趣，個性又強，你就不可能放棄，所以太一樣的人是沒有可能在一起的。普通人中的成功人士也是同樣的道理, 不同的是，普通人中的成功隻是有一個時間段的，應該還不會是致命的矛盾，如果在合適的時間, 地點相遇, 兩個人也可能都事業成功, 婚姻美滿, 林徽因的人生不是就很好嗎？

獨立和自信來自於你的內在和能力,那不是依賴你現在正在做什末 , 有沒有工作的. 這些有一定的作用,但不是根本的…人需要有能讓自己衣食無憂的能力, 才能有安全感, 快樂, 獨立和自信. 所以教育, 智慧和工作的能力是必需的… 然後你可以決定’使用這個能力還是不用, 按你的人生興趣…

看了你們的觀點, 談談自己的看法, 這次好像沒有defend 你吧?嗬嗬 上次說了” 這樣一個題目不是一句話兩句話就能說明白的”, 看看我寫得多長的帖子吧,回頭放到我自己的blog裏,不能隻給你留下來 ：）

[落花飄零]

Your whole article only pointed one thing, which is deeply implanted in your mind, impossible to remove and conceal, no matter how many decent words you try to input.

For you, woman's role is a beautiful accessory for your life, a coffee maker when you need energy, a wonderful chef when you are hungry, a loving woman who only does charity activity for killing time (she cannot spend too much time on that because you always come first).

For you, her education is important just because it makes your life more enjoyable and more decent, you just cannot stand an under educated woman because that won't fit your "class and taste".

You only saw the grace and glowing part of Jacqueline's life, from a guy's self-centered eyes, you are not able to see how she suffered from depression, low esteem because of her perfect husband's unfaithful behavior. She chose living with him not because she loved him, but because she could not gave up the role of “first wife”.

Designing rooms, cooking, and dressing up, are enjoyable for every woman, but that doesn't make them independent, doesn't make them feel confident. I am not saying that it's useless, I like those things personally, but these absolutely should not be the life goal for women. Therefore, we need education, need to be happy because we are capable of living independently, even as a housewife.

I disagree with you totally, please forgive me being blunt here. And again, good luck to find that kind of woman.