Have to share my story with you.
I told him that I was thinking about him all day and night. I told him that I couldn't sleep or eat because of him. He was surprised and then laughed. And he started to talk about something else.
I didn't know why I had to tell him how crazy I was about him. At that time I just knew that I had to. I couldn't do it alone, I needed his help.
I invited him for lunch every Thursday. We talked about a lot of things. He was talking most of the time. I was content just looking at him, hearing his voice. It lasted about 3 month.
The day before I started working full time, we were sitting there, I felt so strongly connected with him, I couldn't help. I tried to kiss him on the lips.
He pushed my body away gently and said “no” firmly. I tried again, And he said no again. I said “ I just want to taste your lips.” He said “You will want more later”. It was such a humiliating moment for me.
But to be honest, he was right. He knows human nature better than I do. Maybe that is why I was crazy about him. Something in him is so much better than me. I guess I was drawn into it and wanted to possess that thing by possess him.
After that, we were still seeing each other 3 to 4 time a week (hobby related with many people around). I started to practice Zen Meditation. By the way, “Ending the pursuit of happiness” by Barry Magid is a good book. It has helped me tremendously. I am seeing the light at the end of tunnel now.
隨便2010, trust me, you cannot do it alone. You need his help. Tell him face to face that how crazy you are about him, tell him that you can not eat or sleep because of him. Any feedback from him will only help you move one small step forward. As long as you keep moving on, you soon will see the light at the end of tunnel.
