The Long River in sadness has been stagnant
1. 著名的專有名詞的譯法不要隨意,要麽按俗成的去譯,要麽按國家標準譯,如果都自譯,就沒人知道它指的是什麽。如果按自己的方法把Trump譯成特目普誰知道你說誰呢?長江的俗成譯法是 The Yangtze River,國家的標準譯法是Chang Jiang。
2. has been stagnant表示完成,完成以後現在怎樣了呢?我們通常說 I am fine,表示我目前很好。如果我們說I have been fine,我們則是說“到目前為止我都不錯”,接下來如何,就不知道了。
Three thousand miles (away) thinking of when shall return
1. 誰thinking?是Three thousand miles (away)?這個句子缺主語。
2. thinking後跟的是when引導的句子,不用加of,可直接說thinking when + 句子
3. when 後應該是主語,即when I shall return;現在沒有主語,就要說when to return
4. three thousand miles away 它在句中什麽成分?
Yet it belongs to a night with so fierce winds,
1. it belongs to a night是中式英語,應該是it is a night
2. a night of fierce winds,而不是a night with fierce winds
Yellow leaves are swirling from mountain to mountain
1. “山山黃葉飛”是山山都有自己的黃葉在飛,而不是一山的黃葉飛到另一山(are swirling from mountain to mountain)。
一畝詩人原譯:
Among the Mountains
By Wang Bo
(Translated by Yimusanfendi)
The Long River in sadness has been stagnant
Three thousand miles (away) thinking of when shall return
Moreover belongs to a night with so fierce winds,
Yellow leaves are swirling over mountain and mountain
山中
王勃
長江悲已滯, 萬裏念將歸。 況屬高風晚, 山山黃葉飛。
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不同的翻譯原則造成譯文不同。
我翻譯時堅持的原則之一是寧拙勿巧,拙信勝巧雅。
以下為徐英才教授譯
(來源小貝殼,謝謝)
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On the Hills
Wang Bo
(徐英才譯)
The Yangtze River halts in woe,
My remote home haunts my thoughts, though.
On such a night, the wind whines by,
Above each hill yellow leaves fly.