提點個人意見，僅供一兄參考。第一節中，My sorrow 似乎應該與Are beautiful as days can be;

My sorrow, when she's here with me, Thinks these dark days of autumn rain，Are beautiful as days can be;

應該先變為：Thinks these days of autumn rain, my sorrow are beautiful as days can be when she's here with me.

直譯過來：想到那些秋雨連綿的日子，當她在這兒與我在一起（的日子），我的憂傷也是美麗的，像那些（美麗的）日子。