俺記不得平仄的用法了,提兩條建議,如果不對,可當耳旁風。建議第一句湖畔提前與第二句的天際對仗,“曉來”是否再斟酌一下。第三行也許可以改成“有心一攬雙墜月”?或者再推敲一下動詞。
俺記不得平仄的用法了,提兩條建議,如果不對,可當耳旁風。建議第一句湖畔提前與第二句的天際對仗,“曉來”是否再斟酌一下。第三行也許可以改成“有心一攬雙墜月”?或者再推敲一下動詞。
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