譯作11 曾經

【尼日利亞】加布裏埃爾·奧卡拉

2022年3月2日星期三

 

曾經，兒子

他們常常由衷發笑

眼睛也透出率真

而現在他們僅是露齒發笑

冷冰冰的眼神卻在我的四周搜尋

 

曾經

他們的確握手真誠

但那已成為過去，兒子

現在他們握手，心不在焉

右手握著

左手卻企圖在我的空袋裏翻尋

 

“就像自己家一樣！”“再來啊！”

他們說。當我再來時

一次，兩次，感覺像自己家一樣

但再也沒有第三次---

因我發現他們已經關上大門

 

所以我學會了許多，兒子

我學會了裝扮各種各樣的臉

就像適時更換自己的著裝---

家裏的臉，辦公室的臉，逛街的臉，主人的臉

以及雞尾酒臉，帶著所有適宜的微笑

如同一張帶著永恒微笑的照片

 

我也學會了僅露齒發笑

也學會了敷衍式的握手

還學會了說“再見”

而實際上是慶幸將對方擺脫

學會了說“很高興見到你”

而實際上是滿心不願

學會了說“很樂意與你交談”

而實際上是倍感心煩

 

但相信我，兒子

我想做回曾經的自己，就像現在的你

我想丟棄所有這些虛偽，待人誠懇

尤其是想重新學會怎樣發笑

因我在鏡中露齒的笑容

就如蛇露出獠牙般的可怖猙獰

 

所以告訴我，兒子

怎樣發笑，怎樣顯露自己真實的笑容

就如現在的你，我的曾經

 

後記：此詩語言樸素，風格獨特，如父子在壁爐前對話。一個人從童年到成年，學會了圓滑，卻丟棄了童真。

原文

Once Upon a Time

by Gabriel Okara

 

Once upon a time, son,

they used to laugh with their hearts

and laugh with their eyes:

but now they only laugh with their teeth,

while their ice-block-cold eyes

search behind my shadow.

 

There was a time indeed

they used to shake hands with their hearts:

but that’s gone, son.

Now they shake hands without hearts

while their left hands search

my empty pockets.

 

‘Feel at home!’ ‘Come again’:

they say, and when I come

again and feel

at home, once, twice,

there will be no thrice-

for then I find doors shut on me.

 

So I have learned many things, son.

I have learned to wear many faces

like dresses – homeface,

officeface, streetface, hostface,

cocktailface, with all their conforming smiles

like a fixed portrait smile.

 

And I have learned too

to laugh with only my teeth

and shake hands without my heart.

I have also learned to say,’Goodbye’,

when I mean ‘Good-riddance’:

to say ‘Glad to meet you’,

without being glad; and to say ‘It’s been

nice talking to you’, after being bored.

 

But believe me, son.

I want to be what I used to be

when I was like you. I want

to unlearn all these muting things.

Most of all, I want to relearn

how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror

shows only my teeth like a snake’s bare fangs!

 

So show me, son,

how to laugh; show me how

I used to laugh and smile

once upon a time when I was like you.