亞瑟·阿倫36問(Arthur Arons 36 Questions)出自社會心理學家 Arthur Aron 於1997年發表的一項著名實驗《The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness》,目的是通過有意設計的問題,讓陌生人之間在短時間內建立情感連接。
阿倫團隊發現,相互脆弱性(mutual vulnerability)能迅速拉近關係。當兩個人輪流回答36個逐漸深入的問題時,大腦會釋放催產素和多巴胺,從而產生“親密感”與信任感。
問題分為三組,每組逐漸加深情感交流。
第一組:輕鬆、自我揭露
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如果可以和任何人共進晚餐,你會選擇誰?
If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be? -
你想出名嗎?為什麽?
Would you like to be famous? In what way? -
在打電話前,你會先排練要說的話嗎?為什麽?
Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why? -
對你而言,“完美的一天”是什麽樣的?
What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? -
上次唱歌給別人聽是什麽時候?給自己唱呢?
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? -
如果你能活到90歲,並在生命的最後25年保持30歲的心智或身體,你選哪個?
If you could live to 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years, which would you choose? -
你是否暗自預感自己會怎樣死去?
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? -
說出三件你和對方可能共有的事。
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. -
人生中最感激的是什麽?
For what in your life do you feel most grateful? -
如果可以重來,你想改變成長經曆的哪一部分?
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? -
用四分鍾盡可能詳細地講述你的人生故事。
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. -
如果明天醒來能獲得任何一種品質或能力,你希望是什麽?
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
第二組:信任與脆弱
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如果有一顆水晶球能告訴你未來的真相,你想知道什麽?
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, or the future, what would you want to know? -
有什麽事情是你一直夢想去做卻沒做的?為什麽?
Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? -
你人生中最大的成就是什麽?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? -
友誼中你最珍視的是什麽?
What do you value most in a friendship? -
你最珍貴的記憶是什麽?
What is your most treasured memory? -
你最痛苦的記憶是什麽?
What is your most terrible memory? -
如果知道一年後會突然死去,你會改變現在的生活方式嗎?為什麽?
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? -
友誼對你意味著什麽?
What does friendship mean to you? -
愛與感情在你生活中扮演什麽角色?
What roles do love and affection play in your life? -
輪流說出對方的一個積極特質,共說五項。
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. -
你的家庭關係親密嗎?你覺得你的童年比大多數人快樂嗎?
How close and warm is your family? Did you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? -
你如何看待母親?
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
第三組:深層聯結與共鳴
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各自說出一句以“我們”為主語的真相,例如:“我們都在這個房間裏感到……”
Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…” -
完成這個句子:“我希望有一個人,我可以與他分享……”
Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” -
如果你將與對方成為親密朋友,請分享讓對方更了解你的重要內容。
If you were going to become close friends with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. -
告訴對方你喜歡他們什麽——此時要非常誠實,說出你通常不會對剛認識的人說的話。
Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest. -
分享你人生中一次令人尷尬的時刻。
Share an embarrassing moment in your life. -
上次在別人麵前哭是什麽時候?獨自哭呢?
When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? -
告訴對方你現在已經喜歡他們的哪一點。
Tell your partner something you already like about them. -
有什麽(如果有的話)太嚴肅而不能開玩笑?
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? -
如果今晚就要死去而沒有機會與任何人溝通,你最遺憾沒告訴誰什麽?為什麽還沒說?
If you were to die this evening with no chance to communicate, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? -
你的房子起火了,救出家人和寵物後,你還能救一件東西,那會是什麽?
Your house catches fire. After saving loved ones and pets, you have time to make one last dash to save any one item. What would it be? -
你家人中誰的死亡會讓你最痛苦?為什麽?
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? -
分享一個個人問題,請對方提出看法,然後請他們告訴你,在他們看來你對這個問題的感受是什麽。
Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it; also, ask them to reflect back how you seem to be feeling about it.
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