These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
以下是從<<失控的美國法庭>> 書中節選, 這些話千真萬確是上人們在法庭上所說, 被法庭記者一字一句記錄下來並發表, 這些人們被深深的折磨著: 當這些爆笑得事發生時不得不玩命忍住笑.
(我的話: 耐心看英文更好玩， 翻譯的沒有原英文的搞笑，抱歉,這翻譯太他媽難了)
Q: Are you sexually active? 你的性趣活躍嗎?
A: No, I just lie there. 不,我就在哪趟著.
Q: What is your date of birth? 你的生日?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year? 哪一年?
A: Every year. 每一年
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 在撞車的時刻你在哪一擋? (gear可以理解為裝備)
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 古奇毛衣和銳步球鞋
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 假麻痹性重症肌無力, 影響你的記憶嗎?
A: Yes. 是的
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 怎麽影響你的記憶的?
A: I forget. 我記不住
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? 你忘了? 你能舉個你忘記的事情的例子嗎?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? 與你住一起的兒子幾歲?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 一個38,一個35 我記不住哪個了
Q: How long has he lived with you? 他與你住一起多久?
A: Forty-five years. 四十五年
Q: What was the first thing your hu*****and said to you when he woke up that morning? 你丈夫那天早晨醒來第一句話對你說什麽?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" 他說: Cathy,我在那裏?
Q: And why did that upset you? 為什麽那讓你反胃?
A: My name is Susan. 我的名字是蘇珊
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? 你是否知道你女兒涉嫌巫毒或裝神弄鬼?
A: We both do. 我們都幹這個
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo. / voodoo, we do, you do, voodoo太他媽押韻了,簡直一首詩
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
醫生, 這難道不是真的如果一個人睡覺中死去直到第二天早晨他才能知道?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 你確定你通過酒精測試了?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? 最小的兒子,那個21歲的,他多大了?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? 在拍照的時候你在場嗎?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? baby是8月8號懷上的對嗎?
A: Yes. 是的
Q: And what were you doing at that time? 那時你在幹神馬?
_____________________________________
Q: She had three children, right? 她有三個孩子,對馬?
A: Yes. 是的
Q: How many were boys? 幾個男孩?
A: None. 一個也沒有
Q: Were there any girls? 幾個女孩?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? 你的第一場婚姻是如何結束的?
A: By death. 由於死亡
Q: And by whose death was it terminated? 誰的死亡造成的婚姻結束?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual? 你能描述一下那個人嗎?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard. 中等身材,留胡須
Q: Was this a male, or a female? 那麽是男的還是女的?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
你現在的穿著是遵照我給你的律師... ...
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? 醫生，你有多少屍檢是在死人身上做的？
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. 所有的驗屍都是針對死人
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 你所有的回答都必須是口頭，好嗎？ 你在那個學校上學？
A: Oral. 口頭
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 你能回憶檢查屍體的時間嗎？
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. 驗屍8點半開始
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? 那個時候蛋寧頓博士已經死了嗎
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. 沒有，他坐在椅子上好奇我為神馬給他驗屍
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 你有資格給尿樣嗎？
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 醫生，你驗屍前檢查脈搏嗎？
A: No. 不
Q: Did you check for blood pressure? 查血壓嗎？
A: No. 不
Q: Did you check for breathing? 查呼吸嗎
A: No. 不
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 那驗屍時病人有可能還活著嗎？
A: No. 不可能
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 你怎麽確定？
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 他的腦袋裝在我的桌子上的一個罐子裏
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 雖然如此，他有活著的可能性嗎？
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere 是的，有可能活著並且在什麽地方玩法律
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