Some Funnies (old but funny)

Subject: Some Funnies

a woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good
point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
is working fine."
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Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same
time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
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I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document
back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep
it.
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Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk
for me?"
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I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start
something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
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Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
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Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game.That's what I said before. I crashed my
spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
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Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having
problems:
the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry. It
seemed strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half. I walked
her through the basics, then went over and printed out a test sheet. It
printed fine. I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the
printer.
As the paper started???????????? coming out, she yanked it out and showed
it

to me. I told her to wait until the paper came out on its own. Problem
solved.
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I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for
about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't
solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colours would print fine,
which truly baffled me because the only true colours are cyan, magenta, and
yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green
printed fine. Every colour of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow.
I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete
and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for
help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting,
I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair
when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper
instead of this yellow paper?"
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A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech
support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the
printer.."
On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the
screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
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And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the
opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that
the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when we
asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.
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For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and
our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the
class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and
switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and
immediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the tutor over
and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen.
The tutor tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor
and quaking red-faced. I typed, "Leave me alone!"
They both jumped back as this appeared on their screen. "What the..." the
tutor said.
I typed, "I said leave me alone!"
The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!"
It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation
between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc. Finally, I couldn't
contain myself any longer, and fell out of my chair laughing. After they
had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red.
Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.
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This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every
time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in
capital letters.
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
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Email from a friend: "CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?"
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My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a
young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms
crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he
noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was
impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied,
"It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"