How to start a fight

來源: 我有北京戶口於 2010-09-16 17:57:28 [檔案] [舊帖] [給我悄悄話] 閱讀數 : (3851 bytes)

HOW TO START A FIGHT

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started....

------------------------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_______________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after
we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
Slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed..

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,

"The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid
hu*****and is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started.....

_______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security .

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my
age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application ..

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office...

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........