In a Station of Metro

by Ezra Pound

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.

下麵是國人的各種翻譯:

地下鐵
(美) 龐德

人潮中這些麵容的忽現;
濕巴巴的黑樹丫上的花瓣。(羅池)
  
人群中幻影般浮現的臉
潮濕的,黑色樹枝上的花瓣。(鍾鯤)
  
人群中這些臉龐的幻影;
潮濕又黑的樹枝上的花瓣。(成嬰)
    
人群中這些麵龐的閃現;
濕漉的黑樹幹上的花瓣。(趙毅衡)
  
這幾張臉在人群中幻景般閃現;
濕漉漉的黑樹枝上花瓣數點。(飛白)
  
出現在人群裏這一張張麵孔;
濕的黑樹枝上的一片片花瓣。(張子清)
  
人群裏這些臉忽然閃現;
花叢在一條濕黑的樹枝。(流沙河)
  
人群中,這些麵孔的鬼影;
潮濕的黑樹枝上的花瓣。(餘光中)
  
人群中千張臉孔的魅影;
一條濕而黑的樹枝上的花瓣。(洛夫)
  
這些麵孔浮現於人群;
花瓣潮濕的黑樹枝。(顏元叔)
     
在這擁擠的人群裏這個美貌的突現;
一如花瓣在潮濕裏,如暗淡的樹枝。(周伯乃)

眾中夢幻身影,黝濕枝頭疏花。(吳其堯)


我找到的最精煉的翻譯:
客驛風塵麵 (風塵裏長出幻影?還是風塵本就是幻影?)
花坐墨痕枝 (wet,black太寫實了吧,怎麽就想到墨痕了?)


The River Merchant's Wife: A Letter
    
While my hair was still cut straight across my forehead
I played about the front gate, pulling flowers.
You came by on bamboo stilts, playing horse,
You walked about my seat, playing with blue plums.
And we went on living in the village of Chokan:
Two small people, without dislike or suspicion.
    
At fourteen I married my lord you.
I never laughed, being bashful.
Lowering my head, I looked at the wall.
Called to, a thousand times, I never looked back.
    
At fifteen I stopped scowling,
I desired my dust to be mingled with yours
For ever and for ever and for ever.
Why should I clime the look out?
    
At sixteen you departed,
You went into far Ku-to-yen, by the river of swirling eddies,
And you have been gone five months,
The monkeys make sorrowful noise overhead.
    
You dragged your feet when you went out,
By the gate now, the moss is grown, the different mosses,
Too deep to clear them away!
The leaves fall early this autumn, in wind.
The paired butterflies are already yellow with August
Over the grass in the West garden;
    
They hurt me. I grow older.
If you are coming down through the narrows of the river Kiang,
Please let me know beforehand,
And I will come out to meet you,
As far as Cho-fu-Sa.

據說(隻是據說),龐德的這首詩在美國是家喻戶曉,不過美國人不一定知道這是翻譯李白的“長幹行”吧?可能他們也不在乎,隻是喜歡龐德而已。
    
妾發初覆額,折花門前劇。
郎騎竹馬來,繞床弄青梅。
同居長幹裏,兩小無嫌猜。
十四為君婦,羞顏未嚐開。
低頭向暗壁,千喚不一回。
十五始展眉,願同塵與灰。
常存抱柱信,豈上望夫台。
十六君遠行,瞿塘灩預堆。
五月不可觸,猿鳴天上哀。
門前遲行跡,一一生綠苔。
苔深不能掃,落葉秋風早。
八月蝴蝶黃,雙飛西園草。
感此傷妾心,坐愁紅顏老。
早晚下三巴,預將書報家。
相迎不道遠,直至長風沙。

願同塵與灰,I desired my dust to be mingled with yours
For ever and for ever and for ever. 這個強!
五月不可觸, And you have been gone five months, 我覺得是錯譯,原詩指五月瞿塘峽暗礁淹沒,行船極度危險。
八月蝴蝶黃,The paired butterflies are already yellow with August,據說春天多彩蝶,秋天多黃蝶,隨著季節的變遷蝴蝶仿佛也褪去了生命的色彩,這個譯得到位。
感此傷妾心,坐愁紅顏老,They hurt me. I grow older,這也未免太小覷中國女性豐富的情感世界了吧?“小婦人”vs.“牡丹亭”?


還有一首譯得不錯:

And she was a courtesan in the old day,
And she has married a sot,
Who now goes drunkenly out
And leaves her too much alone.
  
昔為娼家女,今為蕩子婦。
蕩子行不歸,空床難獨守。

流暢而有韻律,有意境。一定說得是中國的故事嗎?英國的,法國的都說得通吧?茶花女,交際花盛衰記?是不是有一種張愛玲式的茶都涼了的感覺?

所有跟帖: 

他是中國通嗎? -wistara- 給 wistara 發送悄悄話 wistara 的博客首頁 (108 bytes) () 08/15/2009 postreply 20:17:27

瓊瑤奶奶改歌詞改得最好 -Aerie- 給 Aerie 發送悄悄話 Aerie 的博客首頁 (128 bytes) () 08/15/2009 postreply 20:24:58

現在怎麽沒什麽人改了呢?有一百個辦法可以改的讓誰都看不出來奧秘。 -wistara- 給 wistara 發送悄悄話 wistara 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 08/15/2009 postreply 20:34:12

宋詞填好了就是唱的 -歐陽春風- 給 歐陽春風 發送悄悄話 (388 bytes) () 08/15/2009 postreply 20:33:18

大陸會填詞的人還是有的。至少地下很多。也可以搜到很多。 -wistara- 給 wistara 發送悄悄話 wistara 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 08/15/2009 postreply 20:36:57

我說的是會填詞的音樂人 -歐陽春風- 給 歐陽春風 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 08/15/2009 postreply 20:45:30

回頭我攻兩天平仄,再改行作個音樂人。不就有了嘛:P -wistara- 給 wistara 發送悄悄話 wistara 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 08/15/2009 postreply 20:59:03

以前有誰討論過這首。額還是以為WET是這個句子中最好的詞, -Aerie- 給 Aerie 發送悄悄話 Aerie 的博客首頁 (29 bytes) () 08/15/2009 postreply 20:18:57

所以墨痕未幹的話,WET就翻了 -歐陽春風- 給 歐陽春風 發送悄悄話 (46 bytes) () 08/15/2009 postreply 20:36:52

I like this one too:) -紅豆豆- 給 紅豆豆 發送悄悄話 紅豆豆 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 08/15/2009 postreply 23:12:42

請您先登陸,再發跟帖!