自從發表了貼子- "男人的壞脾氣改得掉嗎?怎麽該?" 以後，大家給了我許多建議，但最多的就是兩條路-要麽忍，要麽離婚。我想了很久，覺得我絕對不能容忍，也暫時不想離婚。容忍他會使他的脾氣更壞，這對他的身心健康，家庭事業都沒好處；我們有年幼的孩子，而且我們還有感情，離婚現在也不是上策。我決定走第三條路，多多交流，努力幫他改。他以前曾有過想改的意向，但他改不了。這第三條是所有人都說不可能的，但是我不試一試，怎麽知道結果?
我決定主要以寫信的方式來幫助他，也會冷靜的當麵跟他談。老公畢竟受過高等教育，道理他應該懂的。跟他當麵講道理容易傷他麵子，寫email不會有這問題。而且讀的時候人會比較冷靜，可能更容易接受。
在今後的日子裏，我會經常用這個方法。我決定走第三條路了，謝謝大家對我的關心和幫助。我不會再貼任何貼子了。下麵是給老公的第一封信，我講得非常委婉，隻點了一點他，而且用他感興趣的話題開始，已經給他發過去了，給大家過過目吧。以後還會寫第二封，第三封。也許將來能湊成本書給兒子看。
Hi Honey,
Because we have not had time to sit down to communicate lately, I want to send you an email to express what's been on my mind.
I want to discuss with you about leadership skills as you want to start your own business some day and be successful at it. In fact I think this skill is critical for anything in life including your current job and our family.
We don't always have choices in our environment including our job situations and other people's responses, but we can always choose our attitude. One's ability to choose one's attitude will eventually lead to one's chances of success in life. This is a critical leadership skill. We don't want to simply react to our environment, because between the outside environment and us, there is a GAP - it is our power to choose. It is this power that differentiates us from the animals. This is why we have ultimate potentials as human beings. The greater of this gap for a person, the greater chance of his/her success in life. No matter what life gives us, we can always choose to be pleasant and cheerful.
Even in the negative environment, we can choose to be calm, and not to choose anger. Because anger is our enemy, it blurs our vision and sometimes leads us to act impulsively and results in irreversible situations. Whenever we let our anger take over us, we have lost the battle inside of us already. We have already failed in the first step in whatever we want to achieve. So we always want to watch ourselves, whenever our anger raises its ugly head, we have to exercise our choices to not choose it. We can always look at the positive sides of the things and laugh at our anger and diminish it. For sure, it is always easy to say than done, but practice will make it perfect.
As you know, I am not a perfect person. I don't always act calmly and don't exercise my power to choose as often as I want to. But I want to improve myself. I hope you are in the same boat with me.
Love,
XXX
