還可斟酌。寫出這樣七律,說明作者想憤世,但憤世的感情不夠充沛。
亂世投生少護嗬,寒窗洗腦多折磨
八八雲雨辭鄉土,六四風沙罩家國
白日無心拾經本,夜闌有酒伴笙歌
仰頭大笑出門去,垂淚今生枉時多
還可斟酌。寫出這樣七律,說明作者想憤世,但憤世的感情不夠充沛。
亂世投生少護嗬,寒窗洗腦多折磨
八八雲雨辭鄉土,六四風沙罩家國
白日無心拾經本,夜闌有酒伴笙歌
仰頭大笑出門去,垂淚今生枉時多
•
謝賈兄批評。斟酌是應該的,但賈兄這麽一改,和原作相比,哪個更好呢?
-王武-
♂
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09/20/2011 postreply
18:45:48
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