Crossing
渡
It’s said that Buddha’s ultimate goal is to help all the living beings cross to the other side. The metaphor is generally understood as crossing the endless river of suffering.
Not one single human being is free of suffering no matter how insignificant the suffering might be. We suffer from various physical illness and emotional difficulties because we are mortal, complicated, fallible and fragile. However, our wisdom and strength don’t come from denying these facts, but accepting and understanding them.
We cross all kinds of tangible and intangible rivers, or barriers, as we live our lives from day to day. An unexpected storm can take the wind out of our sails, but our journey has to continue.
When I think of Moddaber’s life, I see a spirited, experienced ferryman helping others overcome the storm and looking with wisdom for better directions when crossing the invisible river. A passionate teacher, a caring friend, a poet and a fellow immigrant, Moddaber did just that. He’s the kind of person who would never forget the help or any friendly gestures he received from others. In return, he treated everyone with kindness and a thankful heart.
He once told me how happy and grateful he was to have a life like this, a loving wife, a fulfilling job and a humble, cozy home where he could dig his fingers into the soft Oregon soil and plant flowers he loved. His kitchen was always filled with the sweet fragrance of authentic spices. In those difficult hours when his health was worsening, he said that the frogs in the nearby field were singing for him everyday after dusk.
Moddaber was a simple man. It took a little to rejuvenate his spirit and deepen his appreciation of life. On a hot summer day between classes, he would come here (where the Memorial was held) to enjoy a dip in the river before planning his next lesson. A good conversation, a hearty meal with a glass of red wine or a stroll at the local farmer’s market could unleash the memories of his faraway birthplace and ancient wisdoms from Farsi poetry translated into simple and humorous English. But, Moddaber felt the most pleasure in inspiring his students when they had shown positive transformation. 
舊金山年鑒收錄的穆戴巴爾在漁人碼頭賣花的照片
With his wife on his side, Moddaber sold flowers on the street in San Francisco for many years. He was a tourist attraction. He made many wonderful friends among street musicians, artists and immigrants like himself. Once, he saw a young child crying in front of his flower stand. The child was saying to his mother, “I hate you!” As if a scene cut out of a movie, the mother, embarrassed, and her child then disappeared into the crowd. Moddaber left his flower stand and jumped into his car trying to find the upset child and his mother.
When he found the child and his mother, Moddaber presented a bouquet of flowers and he said to the child, “this is for you.” The child’s face softened. Moddaber then asked, “Will you tell your mom ‘I love you’?” The child did what Moddaber requested. He remembered how the tears welled up in the mother’s eyes.
When Moddaber came back to his car in a matter of minutes, he saw a ticket under the windshield. The parking officer was a much older man than he was. Moddaber chased him down the block with the ticket in his hand and explained why he parked his car there.
Moddaber told me that the parking officer had a wonderful face, bearded, weathered and kind. After listening to his explanation, the parking officer said to him, “You are a better man than I am. You are above me. I’ve learned something from you today.” Then, he took the ticket back from Moddaber’s hand.
From the hurly-burly of San Francisco streets to the culturally diverse campus, he taught with the same mantra incorporated into his teaching philosophy as well as his attitude towards life. He knew how many invisible rivers of barrier our students have yet to cross in a new country while learning a new language and trying to make sense of many subtle, unfamiliar cultural elements.
During a long walk outside his home, he told me how much he loved teaching. He said that he would teach to the very end even though he had to retire one day. He did just that. When I shared the news of his passing, students who took his classes couldn’t help the tears in their eyes. A woman with limited English told me, using body-language to imitate Teacher Moddaber’s strained spinal cord, “He was teaching us with hurt in his body.” Big tears were rolling down her cheeks when she said that, remembering Moddaber’s optimism while enduring physical pain.
From Iran to Sweden, Italy, from San Francisco to Oregon, Moddaber’s kind and generous soul had not only supported and inspired his loved ones, but his students, friends and colleagues throughout his journey.
This is Moddaber I will always remember. I know there will never be enough to be said when such a life was cut short.
Farewell, my dear friend!
&
Rest in peace!
注：
從發現胰腺癌晚期到去世，僅僅兩個月。他的家人和朋友、同事們都感到異常的震驚和悲傷。
之後，他的妻子邀請了全係的員工和親友、鄰居們在他生前常常光顧的一家美國餐館舉行了“慶祝穆戴巴爾一生”的聚會。這是我當時朗讀的文字。
我對這種人去世後的Celebration感觸極深，因為它不同於中國文化裏的“追悼會”，尤其是氣氛。
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