1 今年冬天冷不冷/The winter will be cold or mild
Indians ask their new chief whether the winter will be cold or mild. Since the young chief never learned the ways of his ancestors, he tells them to collect firewood, then he goes off and calls the National Weather Service.
"Will the winter be bad?" he asks.
"Looks like it," is the answer.
So the chief tells his people to gather more firewood. A week later, he calls again.
"Are you positive the winter will be very cold?"
"Absolutely."
The chief tells his people to gather even more firewood, then calls the Weather Service again: "Are you sure?"
"I'm telling you, it's going to be the coldest winter on record."
"How do you know?"
"Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
印地安人問他們的新酋長，這個冬天是冷還是溫暖。這位年輕的酋長從沒學過祖先那些本領，他隻好吩咐他們去撿木柴，然後自己走到一邊去給國家氣象局打電話。
“今年冬天會不會很冷？”他問。
“看上去是這樣的。”他得到這樣的回答。
於是酋長要求大家收集更多的木柴。一個星期後，他又打電話給國家氣象局。
“你確信今年冬天會很冷？”
“毫無疑問。”
酋長隨即要求族人撿更多的木柴，然後再次給國家氣象局打電話：“你肯定嗎？”
“我告訴你，那將是有史以來最寒冷的冬天。”
“你怎麽知道？”
“因為印第安人正發瘋似地撿木柴！”
2 我一點都不渴/I'm not even thirsty
Nearing the end, Stanislaw is surrounded by loved ones. As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, "I must tell you my greatest secret." His family urges him to go on.
"Before I got married, I had it all," Stanislaw explains. "Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money. But a good friend warned me, 'Get married and start a family. Otherwise, no one will be there to give you a glass of water to drink when you're on your deathbed.' So I took his advice. I traded the girls for a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my Ferrari and invested in college funds. And now here we are. And you know what?"
"What?"
"I'm not even thirsty!"
臨死之前，斯坦尼斯被他摯愛的家人包圍著。知道自己的最後時刻就要來了，他拿出所有力氣，輕聲耳語，“我必須告訴你們我的最大的秘密。”他的家人催他趕緊說。
斯坦尼斯說，“在我結婚之前，我什麽都有：快速的車，美女，還有大把大把的錢。但是一個好朋友警告我說，‘你應該結婚，建立一個家庭，否則當你奄奄一息躺在床上時，都沒個人會為你端茶倒水。’於是我聽取了他的建議，離開了姑娘們，娶了一個妻子。我不再把錢花在啤酒上，而是留下來給孩子們買吃的。我賣掉了我的法拉利，投資了大學基金。所以現在才有了你們。可你們知道嗎？”
“知道什麽？”
“我現在一點都不渴啊！”
3 一個簡單的手術/A very simple operation
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She was talking to the damn doctor!"
一位男士在進行手術前被發現正沿著醫院的大廳逃離。
“發生了什麽？”有人問他。
男士回答道：“我聽見護士說，‘這隻是一個很簡單的手術。不用擔心，我相信不會出問題的。’”
“她這樣做是想讓你感到安心啊，有什麽好害怕的？”
“可她是在對那該死的手術醫生說！”
4 二戰已經結束/World War II is over
This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest to confess.
"Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!" "It's gets worse Father," continued the elderly fellow, "I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by marrying me."
The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly."
"Thank you Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind! Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"
一位年長的意大利男人來向他的教區神父懺悔。
他說：“神父，二戰伊始，一個美麗的猶太女人來敲我的門，要把她藏起來不讓德國人找到。我於是把她藏在閣樓裏，德國人也的確沒能找到她。”
“這是件好事兒啊！”神父打斷他說，“你根本沒必要為這事兒來找我懺悔啊！” “但後來好事兒變成了壞事兒，”這個老人繼續說到，“我不夠堅定，我告訴她因為我幫了忙所以她必須以身相許來回報我。”
神父對這個披露沉思了一陣，回答說：“嗯……那是個艱難的時期，你冒了很大風險。如果德國人發現你把她藏起來，你肯定會很慘。我相信，以上帝的智慧和寬容，他一定能從你的善與惡裏找的平衡，饒恕你的罪。”
“謝謝你神父！你這麽說我輕鬆多了！我能再問個問題嗎？”
“你問，孩子。”
“我是不是也必須告訴她二戰已經結束了呢？”
5 動機/Motivation
My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation". "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."
我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講“動機”。“是什麽推動你在人生的路上向前走？”他問道，“是什麽讓你每天上學來？又是什麽驅使你追求成功？”突然轉身對著一個年輕女子，他問：“是什麽讓你早晨從床上爬起來的呢？”學生答道：“我媽媽。”
6 這難道不好嗎/Isn't it wonderful?
"What are you so happy about?" a woman asked the 98-year-old man.
"I broke a mirror," he replied.
"But that means seven years of bad luck."
"I know." he said, beaming, "Isn't it wonderful?"
“你高興什麽？”一個女士問一個98歲的老人。
“我打碎了一個鏡子。”他回答。
“但那預示著7年的壞運氣。”
“我知道。”他高興地說，“這難道不好嗎？”
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