1 斯威夫特博士與小廝
A wealthy old lady who lived near Dr. Swift used to send him presents occasionally by her servant. Dr. Swift took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his trouble. One day as Swift was busy with his writing, the boy rushed into his room, knocked some books out of their place, threw his parcel on the desk and said, “My mistress has sent you two of her rabbits.”
Swift turned round and said, “My boy, that is not the way to deliver your parcel. Now, you sit in my chair, watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson. ”
The boy sat down. Swift went out, knocked on his door and waited. The boy said, “Come in.” The doctor entered, walked to his desk and said, “If you please sir, my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this morning in her fields.”
The boy answered, “Thank you, my boy, give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself.”
The doctor laughed, and after that, Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip.
在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老婦人，她時常打發仆人給他送禮物。斯威夫特博士接受她的禮物，但從不給小廝任何酬謝。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙著寫東西，小廝衝進了他的房間，把書一扒拉，將一個包裹扔在書桌上，說道：我的女主人送給你兩隻兔子。
斯威夫特轉過身來說：孩子，包裹可不是這樣送法呀。現在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎麽送的，並要記取這個教訓。
小廝坐了下來，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲門，等待回音。小廝說進來。博士進了門，走到桌旁說道：先生，我的女主人向您致以親切的問候，並希望您收下這些兔子，這是她兒子今天早晨在地裏打的。
小廝回答說：謝謝你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的兒子致謝，謝謝他們的關心。這兩個先令是送給你本人的。
博士笑了，打那以後，斯威夫特從沒忘記送小費給小廝。
2 到底誰更滿足
A person with six children or a person with $6 million, who is more satisfied? Why?
The person with six children of course. Because the one with $6 million wants more.
一個有六個孩子的人和一個有600萬美元的人，誰更滿足?為什麽?
當然是有六個孩子的那個，因為有600萬美元那個還想要得更多。
3 你娶了我的媽媽
Little boy: Daddy, I want to get married.
Father jokingly said: Oh! Who did you have in mind?
Little boy: Grandma.
Father: Wait a minute, you did not think I'd let you marry my mother, did you?
Little boy: Why not? You married mine.
小男孩：爸爸，我想結婚。
爸爸打趣地問道：噢!誰是你心中合適的人選?
小男孩：奶奶。
爸爸：等一下，你認為我會讓你娶我的媽媽?
小男孩：為什麽不?你娶了我的媽媽。
4 怎麽回事兒
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎?
約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麽回事兒?
約翰尼：我們做遊戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
5 炸雞
In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"
Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
老師在課堂上向學生們展示了各種各樣的鳥的照片。然後他問其中一名學生，“傑克，你最喜歡哪種鳥兒啊?”
傑克想了想，回答，“炸雞，老師。”
6 新西蘭的氣候/The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
老師：馬修，新西蘭的氣候怎麽樣?
馬修：先生，那裏的天氣很冷。
老師：錯了。
馬修：可是，先生!從那兒運來的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。
祝大家春節快樂！萬事如意！心想事成！身體健康！雞年大吉！
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