1 多謝了，班長/Thanks a Lot, Sarge
The sergeant had just completed the morning inspection of the troops.
"Before I dismiss you, there's just one announcement. Private Kowalski, your mother is dead. Dismissed. "
The soldier was devastated, of course, and the lieutenant was appalled at the sergeant's heartlessness.
"For Heaven' s sake, sergeant, next time you have to inform a trooper of a loved one' s demise, please be a little more subtle," he said.
A few weeks later, sorry to say, the sergeant had another opportunity.
Lining up his troops, he ordered, "All of you whose mother is still alive, step forward. Not you, Johnson. "
一位班長剛完成部隊晨間檢查。
“解散之前，有件事要宣布一下，二等兵卡瓦斯基，你母親已經過世了。解散！”
當然，那位士兵遭受很大的打擊，而排長也訝異於班長的冷酷無情。
“看在老天的分上，班長，下次你要告訴弟兄們有親人死亡時，請多用點技巧，委婉一些，”排長說道。
幾個禮拜之後，很不幸那位班長又有一次機會。
集合了部隊，他下口令道：“所有媽媽尚健在的，前進一步。你，約翰遜，除外。”
2 小孩子實在了不起/Aren't Kids Wonderful ?
Mother got on the train with Little Johnny and Little Ronny.
Little Johnny was full of questions, as usual: "What's an emergency brake, Mommy?"
“Why did that policeman ask to see our tickets?"
"Why can't I lean out the window?" etc.
His mother was becoming ever more exasperated.
Finally, Little Johnny asked, "What was that last station we stopped at, Mommy?"
"I don't know, Johnny, and will you please stop pestering me? I'm trying to read. "
A few minutes of silence passed. Then Johnny said, "It's too bad you don't know what station that was, cause that's where Little Ronny got off.”
媽媽和小強尼、小羅尼一起搭乘火車。
小強尼一如往常問東問西，“媽咪，什麽是緊急煞車？"
“為什麽那位警察叔叔要看我們的車票？"
“為什麽身體不能伸出窗外？"等等諸如此類問題。
媽媽實在忍不住要發脾氣了。
最後小強尼又問：“媽咪，剛剛火車停靠的是哪一站？”
“我不知道，強尼，你可不可以不要煩我，我正在看書呢！”
一陣安靜後，強尼說：“真糟糕，你竟然不知道羅尼下車的那個車站。"
3 半價票/A Half-price Ticket
"How much is the movie ticket?"
"Ten dollars, kid."
"I only have five dollars. Please let me in. I'll see it only with one eye."
“電影票多少錢一張？”
“10美元，孩子。”
“我隻有5美元。請讓我進去吧，我隻用一中眼睛看。”
4 考試不及格/Failure in a Test
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Kid: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Kid: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
媽媽:這次測試你為什麽得這麽低的分？
孩子:因為缺考。
媽媽：你的意思是考試那天你沒去？
孩子:不是，是坐在我旁邊的孩子沒來。
5 大頭娃娃/A Boy with a Big Head
Children made fun of him because he had a beautiful head.
"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of potatoes."
"Where is the shopping bag?"
"I haven't got one-use your hat.”
大頭娃娃一個小男孩向他母親哭訴道：他們都取笑我，說我腦袋大。
“別聽他們的，”他母親安慰道，“你有一個很漂亮的腦袋。好啦，別哭了，去商店買二十磅土豆來。”
“購物袋在哪兒？”
“沒購物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”
6 刮頭/Shave Head
Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut.
"Eight dollars," I answered.
"And for a shave?" "Five dollars."
"All right," he said, settling into the barber chair. "Shave my head."
前些日子，有一男的來到我的理發店，問剪一個頭要多少錢。
“八美元，”我告訴他。
“那，刮次胡子呢？”“五美元”。
“那行”，那男的邊說邊坐到了理發椅上，“來，給我刮刮頭吧”。
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