1 會彈鋼琴的狗
A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!"
The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house!"
So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing.
Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.
Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.
The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?"
The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."
2 名聲與艱苦勞動
During the Gulf War, my sister, Jane, bought a flag and asked her apartment's maintenance man, a Vietnam vet, to install a pole for him. When she offered to pay him, he told her there was no way he could take money for putting up the American flag.
Jane contacted her local newspaper, and they published an article about the incident. The next time she encountered the maintenance man, he told her that everyone he knew had read her story and that she had made him a celebrity. Jane jokingly asked for his autograph.
"I don't have time," the man replied. "I'm too busy setting up American flags.”
3 善解人意
I had just learned to drive and, like most teenagers, begged at every opportunity to take over the wheel. During a family vacation my father finally allowed me drive on a long, straight stretch on highway. I was in my glory until there was a sudden turn in the road. Caught unaware, I swung too wide and ran into a service station's advertising sign. I stopped the car and waited for a lecture.
My father, always considerate of his children's feelings, turned back to the rest of family and said. "As long as we're here, does anyone need to use the rest room?"
4 一個言出必行的人
A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening！”
A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions！” one said in admiration. “How should we support him and learn from him！” said another.
Suddenly, a girl asked, “What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”
He bent and whispered to her, “Well, er??? er??? Miss Rose, er??? he told me to get clean away from Oxford this very evening！”
5 輕而易舉
Stepping from my kitchen into the garage, I accidentally locked myself out of the house. When I tried to persuade my 18-month-old son, Taylor, to open the door, none of my tactics worked. Finally, I walked around the house to check for an open window. To my amazement, I found the front door open and Taylor standing there with a salesman.
"I've been locked out for 20 minutes," I said. "How did you get him to open the door?"
Looking puzzled, the man replied, “I rang the doorbell."
6 隻剩一個引擎
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker:"Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result. "
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again: "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late. "
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
