1 單簧管
When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board,and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.
He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?” scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinet is okay. Have a good trip,” and, smiling, waved him on.
2 提醒信
In the veterinary office where I’m a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that’s why we’re here,” she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.
"We did,” she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.”
3 兩元錢
Jim walked into a store, which had a sign outside: "Secondhand clothes bought and sold.” He was carrying an old pair of pants and asked the owner of the store, "How much will you give me for these?" The man looked at them and then said rude1y，"Two dollars.”
"What!” said Jim, "I had guessed they were worth at least five?”
"No,” said the man, "they aren't worth a penny more than two dollars.”
"Are you sure?" asked Jim.
"Very sure,” said the man.
"Well,” said Jim, taking two dollars out of his pocket, "here’s your money. These pants were hanging outside your store with a price tag that said$ 6.50, but I thought that was too much money, so I wanted to make sure how much they were really worth.” Then he walked out of the store with the pair of pants and disappeared before the surprised storeowner could think of anything to say.
4 很高興認識你
During World War Two, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphrey at a dance. He said to her, "I' m going abroad tomorrow, but I'd be very happy if we could write to each other.” Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I've come to visit Captain Humphrey.”
Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
“Oh, that’s all right,” answered Joan." I'm his sister.”
"I’m very pleased to meet you,” the matron said, "I' m his mother!”
5 一切正常
A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, “mom, the toast is burned.”
"You talked. You talked,” Shouted his mother. “I’m so happy! But why has it taken this long”
"Well, up till now,”said the boy, "things have been okay.”
6 理論與實踐的區別
A guy was walking along the street one night, when he came upon a man a theoretical physiciston his hands and knees under a streetlight, searching the street. The fellow asked him what he was looking for, and the theoretician replied, "I' m looking for my car keys.” Being a helpful sort, the fellow started searching, too. After a time he asked, "Are you sure you lost them here?"
"Of course not,” replied the theoretician. "But at least there's light here.”
