1 漂亮的結婚禮物 The Nice Wedding Gift
We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher. Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.
2 給我捎杯牛奶 Bring me a glass of milk
At 2 a. m. Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living-room. Tiptoe down-stairs, she told her husband, "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knows what's happening."
Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door, his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."
3 多少錢? How Much Is It?
It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said, Look, Joe! Isn't that beautiful!
He then answered, All right, dear, how much is it? And took his money out to pay for it.
It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinking about other things, like a nice drink by the side of a warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, look at that beautiful moon, Joe!
Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered, All right, dear, how much is it?
4 事故現場 Scene of the accident
A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."
The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Morgen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.
The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."
5 Never Mind 沒關係
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, even the brake pedal!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
6 給麥克機會 Give Mike a chance
It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Mike is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight."
Well now, Mike was the starting right guard for Cox's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Mike another chance, give Mike another chance!"
Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Mike another chance.
Mike is told that he will be given a "one question" math test and if he passes, he can graduate.
The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Mike thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!"
There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Mike one more chance. Give Mike one more chance!"
Well now, Mike was the starting right guard for Cox's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Mike another chance, give Mike another chance!"
Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Mike another chance.
Mike is told that he will be given a "one question" math test and if he passes, he can graduate.
The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Mike thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!"
There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Mike one more chance. Give Mike one more chance!"
(from Internet)
