1．Blind Date相親
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
2．Do Remember not to Smoke記得別吸煙
A much worried patient walked into doctor's office asking for help:
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday!"
"Oh,...Don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days!"
3．Serious Chat嚴肅的聊天
Alice and Monica were having a rare heart to heart talk.
“What’d you consider your worst vice?” Alice asked.
“I don’t like to admit it.” Monica said. “But my worst vice was my vanity. Sometimes I sit in front of the mirror and just admire my face.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it.” Said Alice. “That’s not vanity, that’s imagination.”
4．Six or Twelve?六還是十二?
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she‘d like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she‘d like to have it cut into: six or twelve. “Oh, goodness, six please,” said the blonde. “I don‘t think I could ever eat twelve.”
5．When a Tiger comes老虎來了
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.
One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"
His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."
6．Pink Suit Sale 粉紅西裝賣出去了
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.
"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"
"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked.
"That's the one!"
"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"
"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."
