Collegue Party

Law school organised a party to celebrate David on his selection to the Royal Society of Edinburgh. To someone else, it will be a good party, but to me, it is a curse. You can immagine a 25 year of Chinese girl, waring jean, with only 3 years experience in UK, mixed with all other staff in suit. Everytime in this occasion, I will doubt if Paul will think this is his mistake to accept me as one of the lecturer. I feel humble. I cannot regard myself as one of them. Everytime in this kind of party, I will lose myself. Everytime in this kind of party, I will clearly notice the huge gap between me and them. They surely have the same feeling. I cannot find the common topic to talk. Some of them will be kind to ask me about my home town, about whether I am used to the life here. Some others just say "excuse me" coldly and politely, and leave me to get another communicator. I want to be socialised, but I cannot. Many differences, no compromise. Proud European will never be really interested in my culture, my experience, my life, my knowledge, and my heart. I don't know whether they have privately gossipped about my employment. Maybe they did. I prefer not thinking about that. However, I have to... Big hall. Scarlet carpet. Red wine. Well-dressed person. All look like a movie, or a dream. A dream I tried my best to make it real. A dream that I feel I can never own. Like before, I stood quitely in one corner of the hall, searching someone I am familar, someone I might can have some converstation. I smilled freekily. I just wish someone can come to me, kindly say something. Like before, I left the party earily. Secretly, quietly, I left the party. The heavy door shut behind me, separating me from a different world. Their laugh and talk turn down. I left, feeling relaxed.I can totally understand why so many persons gave up their job and went home. A single Chinese in a Western country feels lonely, isolated, humber, and sad.