川總治國，馬皇勸政，美股長紅！！（關稅搞笑版）

 

川總治國，馬皇勸政，美股長虹！

President Trump Rules, Emperor Musk Advises, and Wall Street Explodes!

 

 

 

 

第一幕：極限施壓，全球求饒

 

 

Act 1: Maximum Pressure, The World on Its Knees

 

中文：

2025年4月3日，川總揮起“關稅大棒”，不是打一國，是全世界一起打！

中國被加稅，歐盟被加稅，日本墨西哥也沒逃，連小島國都瑟瑟發抖。

 

English:

On April 3rd, 2025, President Trump swung his mighty “Tariff Hammer” — not at one nation, but the entire world!

China got taxed, the EU got taxed, Japan, Mexico, even tiny island nations trembled in fear.

 

中文：

全球股市“啪”地一下全綠了，不是環保，是心跳驟停那種綠。

老百姓都懵了：怎麽雞蛋也變成金蛋了，泡麵都開始論克賣？

 

English:

Global stock markets instantly turned green — not eco-friendly green, heart-attack kind of green.

People were stunned: “Why are eggs now golden treasures? Is instant ramen being sold by the gram?”

 

 

 

 

第二幕：美聯儲降息，配合表演

 

 

Act 2: The Fed Cuts Rates, Joining the Show

 

中文：

全世界都快被關稅搞“脫貧”了，美聯儲一看不妙，趕緊打出一張王炸——降息！

川總站在舞台中央，張開雙手，像凱撒一樣笑著說：“看，全世界都聽我的。”

 

English:

With the world going broke from tariffs, the Fed panicked and dropped the big card — rate cuts!

Trump, center stage, arms wide open like Caesar, smirked and said: “See? The whole world dances to my tune.”

 

 

 

 

第三幕：馬皇出場，力挽狂瀾

 

 

Act 3: Emperor Musk Enters, Saving the Empire

 

中文：

就在全球經濟快被玩崩的時候，馬斯克披著火箭鬥篷，騎著特斯拉電馬登場，氣場全開！

他一拜一跪，說道：

 

“吾皇川總，如今物價飛漲、經濟衰退、民不聊生，可以調整關稅了。”

 

English:

Just as the global economy teetered on collapse, Musk arrived in full glory, wearing a rocket cape and riding a Tesla steed.

He knelt dramatically and declared:

 

“My Emperor Trump, inflation soars, recession spreads, the people suffer — it’s time to ease tariffs.”

 

中文：

川總一聽，微微一笑，拍拍他肩膀：

 

“馬帝，你是世界上最聰明的，皇兄就按你說的辦。”

 

English:

Trump smiled gently, patted Musk’s shoulder and said:

 

“Emperor Musk, you’re the smartest man on Earth. Your royal brother shall heed your wise advice.”

 

 

 

 

第四幕：股市炸裂，總統山加雕像

 

 

Act 4: Stock Market Blows Up, Trump Carved in Stone

 

中文：

話音剛落，美股三大指數瞬間暴漲10%。交易員眼淚都出來了：

 

“川總不是總統，是股市主力莊家啊！！”

 

English:

As soon as the words left his mouth, the Dow, Nasdaq, and S&P all jumped 10%.

Traders burst into tears:

 

“Trump isn’t a president… he’s the ultimate market maker!”

 

中文：

群眾提議：應該在總統山加個川總的頭像，一手握麥克風，一手拿iPhone發推特，背景音配上“Make America Entertaining Again”。

 

English:

The people demanded: Add Trump’s face to Mount Rushmore — one hand holding a mic, the other tweeting from an iPhone, with the anthem:

“Make America Entertaining Again.”

 

 

 

 

結尾：你說他瘋？他可能最清醒！

 

 

Finale: You Call Him Crazy? He Might Be the Only One Awake!

 

中文：

你以為這是政治？不，這是一部現實版經濟大片，

融合《紙牌屋》、《權力的遊戲》、《吐槽大會》和《股市風雲》！

 

English:

Think this is politics? No — it’s a real-life economic blockbuster,

a fusion of House of Cards, Game of Thrones, Roast Battle, and Wall Street: The Musical!

 

中文：

川總不是瘋，他是“瘋中帶穩”，

馬斯克不是諫臣，他是“AI時代的諸葛亮”，

而我們，不是觀眾，是正在被表演的觀眾。

 

English:

Trump isn’t crazy — he’s crazy like a fox.

Musk isn’t an advisor — he’s the Zhuge Liang of the AI era.

And us? We’re not just watching the show… we’re IN the show.

 

 

 

 

思考題 Time to Think：

 

 

• 你覺得關稅到底傷了誰？
• 是川總演戲，還是世界經濟本來就太脆弱？
• 如果川總真上了總統山，你支持刻在哪塊石頭上？

 

 

What do you think?

 

• Who’s really getting hurt by the tariffs?
• Is Trump performing, or is the global economy just fragile?
• If Trump makes it to Mount Rushmore… which rock should we use?