《 夏家湖 》--- 燈火

《 夏家湖 》--- 燈火

 

--- 我把所有收拾停當之後，就出門了。

 

中學宿舍的門。這門永遠開著。就像是沒有它的存在一樣。你可以這樣理解。有什麽所謂，這個年頭，就是沒有所謂的年頭。年頭與年尾一樣。什麽也沒有。吃的、用的、家徒四壁--光禿禿的。什麽也沒有。就像這門，有它無它，有什麽所謂。室內比室外寒冷。回來就進被窩。所有事都在被窩裏做。---而原本就無事可做，無食可吃。學習就是瞎掰。隻有農活是真的。誤了節氣---長不出來。其實，長不出來--又能怎樣。長出來了又能怎樣--化肥是日本的--。

 

  我關了電燈泡，十五瓦特的。---我向教室方向看了看。那邊燈火通明，與月光爭輝豔。月亮大大的。每天如此。這是初春。又冷又濕又疾---什麽也沒有。光禿禿大地。北麵的，向北的、淮河的、沙土地上的、平原上的、無什麽所謂的年頭上的、下的、左右的。----。沒有人在乎你的死活。死不了就活著。沒有人關心你是誰。你的北京是你的。你來了、你走了。都是你自己的事。那個城我們可以永遠不去。我們沒有那城的戶口、證件。我們的戶口就是我們腳下的這土地，長不出什麽。但它屬於我們。我們的生與死是我們自己的事。不關他人的什麽狗屁、什麽造反、革命。朱姓皇帝就是河那邊的。我們也是朱姓--是河這邊的。幾百年過去了---什麽也沒發生、變化。這河已經幾千年了--- 有了什麽所謂。

 

--- After I put everything in order, I went out.

 

The door of the middle school dormitory. This door is always open. It's like it doesn't exist. You can understand it this way. What is so-called, this year, there is no so-called year. The beginning of the year is the same as the end of the year. Nothing. The food, the food, and the house stalks-bare. Nothing. Just like this door, what does it mean without it? Indoors are colder than outdoors. Go back into the bed. Everything is done in the bed. ---There is nothing to do, no food to eat. Learning is just to break. Only farm work is real. Missed the solar terms --- can not grow out. In fact, it doesn't grow out--what can it be? What can it do if it grows out--the fertilizer is Japanese--.

 

  I turned off the light bulb, fifteen watts. ---I looked in the direction of the classroom. The lights are bright over there, competing with the moonlight. The moon is big. Every day. This is early spring. It was cold, wet and sick---nothing. The earth is bare. To the north, to the north, to the Huaihe River, on the sandy land, on the plains, nothing so called up, down, or left and right. ----. No one cares about your life or death. Live if you can't die. No one cares about who you are. Your Beijing is yours. You are here, you are gone. It's all your business. We can never go to that city. We do not have residence registration or certificates in that city. Our hukou is the land under our feet, and nothing can grow. But it belongs to us. Our life and death are our own business. It doesn't matter what other people's shit, rebellion, revolution. Emperor Zhu is on the other side of the river. We also have the surname Zhu-from the river side. Hundreds of years have passed-nothing has happened or changed. This river has been around for thousands of years---what does it mean.