【吐槽大會】暖場 之靈魂拷問

 

有關"吐槽"的定義，有一點是這麽說的：吐槽是針對離譜的人或事物進行諷刺挖苦，或是犀利的批評。

這就給我整不會了，離譜？我的生活樣樣靠譜，沒有離譜的東西啊！畢竟我的一天是這樣的：

1. 一夜熟睡，窗外的暖陽照在身上，睜開朦朧的雙眼，想起昨晚那頓香香的火鍋，我趕緊站上磅秤。哦耶，竟然又輕了兩磅耶！！這頓吃的真美。

2. 洗漱完畢，套上新買的連衣裙，步履輕快的出門，踏上通勤火車。身邊座位的帥哥，有著湖水一樣深邃的眼睛，望著我微笑地說了一聲“早啊”。

3. 回到辦公室，頭兒叫我進會議室，高興地告訴我，咱們上次的任務完成的漂亮，上頭非常滿意，這回獎金每人加30%！

4. 忙碌又充實的一天過去了，晚上回到家，娃親熱地靠過來，說他今天學校裏很開心，希望媽媽也 had a great day。

啊！生活是如此美好又燦爛！

 

 

------------  我是現實與做夢的分界線 ------------

 

 

1. 該死的鬧鍾，昨晚又沒睡好，我不想起！ 肚子咕嚕咕嚕的。趕緊站上磅秤。瓦特！！怎麽還重了一磅！我昨晚滴水未沾啊。說好的物質守恒呢，這不科學啊!難道呼吸也有重量了？

2. 已經試了三身了，全跟紮粽子似的，算了，還是穿昨天那條鬆緊褲吧。終於趕上了火車，身邊坐著的壯漢，一路都在大聲吸溜著鼻子，還不停抖腿。我！想！爆！炸！

3. 剛進辦公室，頭兒叫我開會。然後說，上次的任務，我們晚了兩周，上頭意見很大，這次的獎金要扣掉20%。啥！我們為啥晚了他們不知道嗎？？ 卡紙到貨晚了四周，我們日以繼夜地糊紙盒子，也來不及啊！

4. 又是戰鬥的一天，忙而無所獲。總算到家了，娃一如既往的teenager嫌棄臉。我微笑著問，今天學校怎樣啊？"good"， with a miserable face，進了他自己的房間，隻給我一個背影。

生活啊，有時候真想有那個黑客帝國，每天做夢不用醒。就像那個經典的靈魂拷問：”你選小紅丸還是小藍丸？選小藍丸，一切都不曾發生，你繼續做自己的夢；選小紅丸，你會看到事情的真相！“

扣題一首經典愛情歌曲，Glenn Frey 的 《The One You Love》。"你選那個愛你的，還是那個你愛的？"

 

I know you need a friend
Someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love
There's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do

I heard you on the phone
You took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy
The guy who left you crying
Isn't he the one who made you blue

When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you've gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you going back to the one you love
Someone's gonna cry when they learn they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams
All the disappointments
Oh girl, what you gonna do

Your heart keeps saying it's just not fair
But still you've gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you going back to the one you love
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above