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ZT: a letter to husband

(2008-11-13 15:59:05) 下一個
Dear Husband: 

I'm writing you this letter to tell  you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have  nothing to show for it.  These last two  weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you  had quit your job today  and that was the last  straw. 

Last week, you came  home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair  and nails done, cooked your  favorite meal and  even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in  two minutes, and went straigh to sleep after watching the game. You don't  tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone. 

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are  moving  away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!    

Your EX-Wife             


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Dear Ex-Wife      

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.  It's true that you and I have been married for seven years,  although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. 

I watch sports so much to try to drown out your  constant  nagging.  Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off  all of your hair last  week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look  just like ! a man!"  My mother  raised me to not say anything if you can't say  anything nice.      

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten  me confused with MY BROTHER, because  I stopped eating pork seven years ago.  I went sleep on you when you had on that new negligee but the price tag was still on it.  I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and negligee was  $49.99.                   

After all of this, I still loved you  and felt that we could  work it  out.  So when I discovered that I had hit the  lotto for ten million  dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.   Everything happens for a reason I guess.  I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.  My  lawyer said with your  letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.                 
 
P.S.   I don't know if I ever told u this, but Carl, my brother was  born Carla.  I hope  that's not a problem.          

Signed  
Rich As Hell and  Free!    
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