俄國人民的幽默
學語言是個很枯燥的事情,所以本博常常會在有關博文後放點小笑話,讓你笑一笑,免得把你嚇得不來了。今天本人突然想起以前在做博後賣命的時候,和另外兩個同病相憐的博後一個辦公室,其中一個是非洲加納的,另外一個是俄國的,一天勞作之餘,大家都喜歡呆在一起交換一下笑話,當時我主要是聽,這個主要是當時俺的英文水平還沒有達到講笑話的程度,另外就是中國的笑話講給老外聽會變味,常常自己笑,人家還在那裏愣著,不但不好笑,而且很尷尬,就像是剛從俺在寫新聞頭條時提到川普關於把他和金正恩照瘦點的笑話一樣,一點不好笑,其他人不知所雲。
當時我們三個人中間,最能講笑話的就是那個俄國人,那人比我們大很多,他有很多蘇聯時期的笑話,這些笑話,隨著時間的推移,被改來改去,但基本內容還一樣。比如有一個笑話現在還在流傳,隻不過是把那個時期的美國領導人改成川普了。這個笑話是這樣的:
An American and a Russian are arguing about which country has more freedom. The American says, “I can walk right up to the White House and shout 'Down with Donald Trump!' and nothing bad will happen to me.” The Russian replies, “Guess what? I can walk in front of Kremlin and shout 'Down with Donald Trump!' and nothing will happen to me either.”
俄國人雖然受很多年的專製統治,但他們的幽默一直不減,很多這樣的政治幽默,當時美國中情局在蘇聯的情報員經常在竊聽時會聽到對方的一些笑話,上麵就是其中之一,這裏隻是把Regan改成了Trump。據說當時這些情報員會定期往中情局的總部傳這類笑話的專輯,雖然是諷刺和好玩,但我想其中也不乏羨慕其對手幽默的意思,生活那麽苦,如果不幽默該怎麽過呀。下麵是這些電文中的另外兩則笑話:
A worker standing in a liquor line says: “I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev.” Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line. His friends ask, “Did you get him?” “No, the line there was even longer than the line here.”
A man is driving with his wife and small child. A militia man pulls them over and makes the man take a breathalyzer test. “See,” the militia man says, “you are drunk.” The man protests that the breathalyzer must be broken and invites the cop to test his wife. She also registers as drunk. Exasperated, the man invites the cop to test his child. When the child registers drunk as well, the cop shrugs, says, “Yes, perhaps it is broken,” and sends them on their way. Out of earshot the man tells his wife, “See, I told you it wouldn’t hurt to give the kid five grams of vodka.”
生活如果悶了,看看幽默,也比在網上用馬甲搞人惡作劇好!
譯文:
一個美國人和一個俄羅斯人在爭論哪個國家有更多的自由。美國人說:“我可以到白宮外麵,大聲喊“打倒唐納德特朗普!”,也不會出任何事。“ “俄羅斯人回答說:”是嗎?我可以到克裏姆林宮的前麵,大聲喊“打倒唐納德特朗普!”,一樣不會出任何事。“
一名等在買酒長隊裏的工人說:“我已經受夠了,你幫我把位子留著,我去斃了戈爾巴喬夫這家夥。” 兩個小時後,他回到他的位子。朋友問:“你搞定他了嗎?”“沒有,那條隊比這條隊還要長。”
一名男子開車帶著妻子和小孩。一名民警將他們攔下來讓男的進行酒精檢測。 “看,”民警說,“你喝多了。”男子抗議說,你那檢測儀肯定有問題,並請警察去檢測下他的妻子。結果她也超標。這位男子有點生氣了,請警察去測他那孩子。當孩子也超標時,民警聳了聳肩,說:“是的,可能真的壞了”,就讓他們離開了。估計民警聽不見時,男子對妻子說:“你看,我跟你說過吧,給孩子點伏特加喝並沒有什麽壞處。”