風蕭蕭_Frank
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當每句話都"努力不冒犯任何人"，《小紅帽》會變成什麽鬼樣子？奇書《政治正確童話》帶你走進“覺醒文化宇宙”
魏知超啥書都讀 2026年5月13日
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA2sjTm-lFs&t=83s
當每一句話都努力做到絕對正確，最純真的童話會變成什麽鬼樣子？在這期節目中，我們將通過《政治正確童話》（Politically Correct Bedtime Stories: Modern Tales for Our Life and Times）（詹姆斯·芬·加納 James Finn Garner 著）這本奇書，深度拆解“政治正確版”的小紅帽。為什麽30年前作者用來調侃的荒謬笑話，在今天竟然成了一一應驗的現實？
本期看點:
o 拆解“政治正確”宇宙：它不隻是幾條敏感詞語或社交禁忌，而是一整套能將善意解構為“壓迫”的龐大世界觀。
o 反轉的“受害者與施暴者”：為什麽在絕對正確的道德敘事下，吃人的狼自動擁有了合法性，而拔刀相助的英雄卻成了罪該萬死的惡棍？
o 荒謬的文化相對主義：邊緣群體的行為是否天然具有正當性？打破因果邏輯、甚至“食肉動物吃人”也能免於道德審判？
o 預言照進現實的驚悚：當“客觀講邏輯”被視為文化霸權，當“同意文化”讓日常約會如履薄冰，看看30年前的歸謬玩笑是如何一步步成為今日學術主流的。
時間戳：
00:00 開場：一本1994年的諷刺小書，為什麽今天讀來後背發涼？
03:15 故事第一段：還沒出門，已經踩了三個政治正確的點
06:26 弗洛伊德式的性隱喻：森林、紅色與"覺醒"
07:54 狼出場："你一個人不安全"為什麽是性別歧視？
11:09 文化相對主義：邊緣化群體的世界觀天然具有正當性？
12:45 後殖民主義："線性思維"是西方文化偏見
14:51 吃掉外婆是"有效的行為方式"：道德相對主義與物種歧視
15:40 公狼穿女裝不是偽裝，是打破性別二元論
16:37 "你的鼻子以自己的方式也非常好看"：身體積極運動
18:22 小紅帽尖叫：不是因為害怕，是"個人空間被侵犯"
20:18 伐木工變"原木燃料技術員"：委婉化命名遊戲
21:34 "有毒的男性氣質"：揮斧頭的英雄才是真惡棍
23:11 大高潮：外婆砍下伐木工的腦袋——誰才是這個故事裏真正被消滅的人？
25:05 大結局："另類家庭"的幸福生活，代價是什麽？
26:35 總結：當年這叫歸謬法，現在這叫紀實
Politically Correct Bedtime Stories: Modern Tales for Our Life and Times
Author: James Finn Garner 1994-04
Summary: James Finn Garner satirizes the trend toward political correctness by rewriting classic fairy tales such as Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White, The Three Little Pigs, and Cinderella, scrubbing them of every "ism" identifiable to the modern sensibility. The Emperor is no longer naked but "endorsing a clothing-optional lifestyle"; the seven dwarfs become "vertically challenged men"; the wolf is recast as a misunderstood outcast. The book spent 64 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller list, including six weeks at #1, and was translated into over 25 languages, becoming a touchstone parody of late-20th-century cultural politics.
2. 繁體中文翻譯版（舊版）
書名： 政治正確童話：不具歧視和偏見的童話
作者： 詹姆士．芬．加納（James Finn Garner） 譯者： 蔡佩宜
出版社： 晨星出版社 出版時間： 1999-06
內容簡介： 美國諷刺作家加納以「政治正確」為題，重新改寫《小紅帽》、《三隻小豬》、《白雪公主》、《灰姑娘》、《青蛙王子》等經典童話，把當代社會對性別、種族、階級、年齡、身材等議題的敏感詞彙與意識形態，幽默地植入故事之中。樵夫成了「原木燃料採伐技術員」，矮人變成「身高受到挑戰的男子」，故事中既有對父權結構的諷刺，也有對「為政治正確而政治正確」的反向嘲弄。本書為該書最早的繁體中文譯本，於1999年由晨星出版社發行。
3. 繁體中文翻譯版（新版）
書名： 從前從前，公主逃離了城堡：風靡全球三十年的政治正確童話經典
作者： 詹姆士．芬．加納（James Finn Garner） 譯者： 李芃、黃詩韻
出版時間： 2023-01
內容簡介： 本書為《政治正確童話》於原書出版近三十年後推出的全新繁體中文譯本，並收錄原作擴充版新增的兩篇童話故事。加納將15則經典童話改寫成不具任何偏見與歧視字眼的「政治正確」版本：小紅帽與外婆、大野狼聯手打敗自以為是的樵夫，組成非主流家庭；白雪公主與壞皇後結為閨蜜，共同對抗充滿歧視的「七巨人」；三隻小豬則團結起來成立「豬本主義」武裝部隊，為居住正義而戰。作者藉由犀利的改寫，引導讀者反思童話背後深植的刻板印象與父權結構。
政治正確的睡前故事：現代生活與時代的寓言故事
Politically Correct Bedtime Stories: Modern Tales for Our Life and Times
詹姆斯·芬恩·加納著 1994年1月1日
https://www.amazon.ca/Politically-Correct-Bedtime-Stories-Garner/dp/1788165136
在這部暢銷經典作品中，詹姆斯·芬恩·加納以更加開明的視角重寫了經典故事；從白雪公主與七位矮個子男人的關係，到小紅帽、她的奶奶和那隻男扮女裝的狼建立起一個基於相互尊重與合作的另類家庭，再到並非裸體卻提倡著裝自由的皇帝。
終於，睡前故事不再充斥著對女巫、巨人、矮人、妖精和仙女的偏見與歧視。對於那些從小接觸充斥著性別歧視、種族歧視、體型歧視和民族中心主義讀物的人來說，詹姆斯·芬恩·加納的故事摒棄了不敏感的文化曆史的影響，成為了我們這個時代的寓言。
詹姆斯·芬恩·加納
詹姆斯·芬恩·加納最著名的作品是《政治正確的睡前故事》，該書曾連續64周位列《紐約時報》暢銷書榜單，其中6周位居榜首。這本書在英國和加拿大也暢銷，並被翻譯成25多種語言。其續集《開明時代》和《政治正確的假日故事》也風靡全球。
他的最新作品是一部以一群落魄馬戲團成員居住的貧民窟為背景的懸疑係列小說。“雷克斯·科科，私人小醜”是世界上第一個也是唯一一個“小醜黑色小說”的主角，該小說融合了《畸形人》和《馬耳他之鷹》的元素。他的代表作包括《喇叭聲，我的寶貝》（2011年芝加哥作家協會年度圖書獎）、《雙重恥辱》和《危險的濕鼻子》（2014年芝加哥作家協會年度圖書獎）。寶貝們！子彈！香蕉皮！請在離開窗口前清點好找零。
他的其他作品包括《茶會童話》（亞馬遜Kindle獨家單行本）、《重塑瘋狂》和《末日驚魂：末日回憶錄》。
加納曾是《芝加哥雜誌》的專欄作家，他的文章曾在NPR和BBC播出，並發表於《紐約時報》、《華爾街日報》、《芝加哥論壇報》、《花花公子》和《電視指南》等刊物。
政治正確的睡前故事：現代生活與時代的童話
政治正確的睡前故事 - 維基百科
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politically_Correct_Bedtime_Stories
本書由美國作家詹姆斯·芬恩·加納 (James Finn Garner) 於 1994 年創作，以幽默和戲仿的手法諷刺了兒童文學中日益盛行的政治正確和審查製度。[1] 本書主要由《小紅帽》、《三隻小豬》和《白雪公主》等經典童話故事改編而成，旨在展現政治正確的成年人眼中適合兒童的良好道德故事。[2]
這些修訂包括大量使用政治正確的流行語（及其戲仿版本）、刻意生硬的道德說教式對話和敘述、融入現代概念和物品（例如水療中心、礦泉水和汽車），並且經常出現情節反轉，顛覆故事中英雄和反派的角色（例如，在《小紅帽》中，樵夫在小紅帽眼中不再是英雄救世主，而是一個“性別歧視”和“物種歧視”的闖入者；白雪公主的惡毒繼母最終被正麵刻畫，而王子和七個小矮人則被描繪成沙文主義者）。[需要引用]
《政治正確的睡前故事》是加納出版的第一本書（或者用他為這本書撰寫的諷刺性傳記簡介的話來說，是“他第一件加工過的樹木殘骸”）。該書在美國的銷量超過250萬冊，並已被翻譯成20種語言。加納隨後創作了兩部續作：《開明時代的故事：更多政治正確的睡前故事》[3] 和《政治正確的假日故事：獻給開明的聖誕節》[4]，後者諷刺了聖誕節期間的政治正確現象。1998年，這三本書被匯編成一本名為《政治正確：終極故事集》的合集。[5] 所有版本的《政治正確》係列書籍目前均已絕版。[需要引用]
2018年，加納出版了《政治正確的匹諾曹》。[需要引用]
故事
以下是本書故事的列表，按其在書中出現的順序排列。
小紅帽
這部改編自同名流行童話的戲仿作品，其主要主題是嘲諷反“物種歧視”以及更激進的女權主義分支和概念（例如，通篇使用“womyn”而非“women”，這種拚寫方式在書中其他故事中也有重複出現）。它是少數幾個結局與原版童話截然不同的故事之一。
在最廣為人知的版本中救了小紅帽和她奶奶的樵夫，最終被奶奶砍下了頭。
在小紅帽發表了一番“激動人心”的道德說教後，她主動從狼口中跳了出來。小紅帽說，女人和狼無需男人幹預就能自行解決問題。當然，在此之前，小紅帽曾指責小紅帽為了救她而殺死狼，是“性別歧視”和“物種歧視”。之後，狼、小紅帽和她的祖母組成了一個“另類家庭”。
皇帝的新裝
這是對同名童話故事的戲仿。雖然結局沒有完全改變，但故事的寓意和寓意卻截然不同。
故事以一個支持裸體主義的轉折結尾，整個王國迅速決定實行著裝自由。
三隻小豬
改編自同名童話故事，其中狼是貪婪的資本家，小豬是被迫離開家園的原住民，後來成為自由戰士或“豬派”（porcinistas），諷刺尼加拉瓜桑地諾民族解放陣線（桑地諾主義）。大灰狼死於心髒病。
“豬派”屠殺了狼群，奪回了土地，並在原址建立了一個烏托邦式的社會主義民主政體，從此過上了幸福的生活。
魯姆普爾斯蒂爾特金
改編自經典童話《魯姆普爾斯蒂爾特金》。
女孩（艾絲梅拉達）和魯姆普爾斯蒂爾特金沒有用魔法將稻草變成黃金，而是把稻草送給了貧窮的農民，讓他們用稻草蓋屋頂；農民們健康狀況改善後，生產力也隨之提高，這促進了當地經濟的發展，最終導致王子被推翻，愛斯梅拉達也因此獲得了黃金作為獎賞。之後，愛斯梅拉達通過猜出孩子的名字挫敗了魯姆普爾斯蒂爾金奪走她第一個孩子的陰謀；然而，與原著不同的是，她之所以能猜中孩子的名字，是因為他身上還掛著“小矮人賦權研討會”的名牌。愛斯梅拉達對自己的生育權幾乎被剝奪感到憤怒，於是搬到了加利福尼亞，開辦了一家節育診所，從此過上了幸福的生活——成為了一個“充實而專注的單身人士”。
三隻相互依賴的山羊
這是對民間故事《三隻山羊》的戲仿，諷刺了“現代美國自由主義道德的受虐傾向”。三隻山羊和巨魔都試圖承擔責任，最終爆發了一場混戰，結果從橋上掉了下去。
長發公主
這部作品是對經典童話《長發公主》的戲仿，結局截然不同。
故事的轉折點在於，王子在音樂唱片業有人脈；他聽過長發公主的歌聲後，想要把她捧成明星，並利用她的歌聲和外貌牟取暴利。他很快說服了女巫同意這筆交易，讓她繼續擔任長發公主的經紀人。然而，長發公主厭惡自己的歌聲被資本家利用，於是爬出高塔，逃走成為一名在“咖啡館”免費表演的民謠歌手。
灰姑娘
這部作品是對經典童話《灰姑娘》的戲仿，帶有鮮明的女權主義和反外貌歧視色彩。結局與原版童話完全不同。
灰姑娘的“仙女教父”（一位男性）勉強同意為她打扮參加舞會。然而，她穿著不合時宜的鞋子、衣服，化著濃妝，卻依然魅力四射，舞廳裏的所有男人都為她瘋狂，一場混戰爆發，最終導致他們全部喪命。女人們嫉妒灰姑娘的美貌能讓男人為之瘋狂，起初便對她展開攻擊；然而，午夜十二點鍾聲敲響，她變回了農婦的裝束——她很高興能再次穿上舒適的衣服，其他女人反而開始嫉妒她的舒適。然而，她們並沒有殺她，而是脫掉了自己的緊身胸衣、裙子和不合時宜的鞋子，穿著“襯裙和赤腳”翩翩起舞。她們掩蓋了男人死亡的真正原因，奪取了王國，並開設了一家隻生產舒適實用女裝的服裝公司。
金發姑娘
這部作品是對原版童話《金發姑娘和三隻熊》的戲仿。金發姑娘不再是小女孩，而是一位貪婪的生物學家，她一心想追蹤和研究性情溫和的擬人化熊，以期在科學界引起轟動。
金發姑娘試圖在熊的粥裏放鎮靜劑，並在它們的床上設置帶有無線電項圈的陷阱。然而，熊聞到了有機粥裏的“化學”氣味，心生疑慮，發現了陷阱，也發現了在房間角落裏睡著的金發姑娘，她當時正在等待目標回來。熊爸爸和熊媽媽殘忍地殺死了金發姑娘並吃掉了她，驚恐的小熊目睹了這一切；原來，熊一家是素食主義者，但這次熊父母破例了。
白雪公主
這部戲仿作品改編自經典童話《白雪公主》，並加入了許多諷刺性的改編（例如，
七個矮人（被稱作“身高不足的男人”）經營著一個供男人體驗“原始”行為的療養院，結局也與原著截然不同。它與書中前麵提到的灰姑娘惡搞故事有著相似的主題。
和原著一樣，王後假扮成賣蘋果的老婦人，而實際上蘋果裏有毒。然而，在與白雪公主的交談中，她與白雪公主建立了聯係。她忘記了蘋果有毒，便與白雪公主分享，結果兩人都昏倒在地。
與此同時，矮人們帶著王子回來了。王子來到療養院是為了治療他的陽痿，他被昏迷不醒的白雪公主所吸引，要求與她發生性關係；這時，矮人們認為昏迷的白雪公主是治療陽痿的絕佳良藥，於是決定把她拿出來展覽，以便賺取更多錢財。然而，當他們試圖移動兩位女士的屍體時，毒蘋果碎片從她們的喉嚨裏脫落出來——正如原著故事中那樣；兩位女士醒來後，對昏迷時無意間聽到的對話感到憤怒和厭惡。王後隨即宣布七個小矮人是擅闖者，並將他們趕出了森林。之後，她和白雪公主在原址開設了一家女子溫泉療養院。
小雞快跑
這個故事是對同名民間故事的戲仿，主要諷刺了無理取鬧的訴訟。小雞快跑、小母雞小雞和小鵝小雞試圖就各種事情提起訴訟，最終卷入了一場曠日持久的官司。
青蛙王子
這是對童話故事《青蛙王子》的戲仿。故事中的青蛙王子是一位土地開發商，他騙取了多位房東的房產，最終被懲罰變成了一隻青蛙。變回人類後，這位開發者試圖利用公主的貪婪，幫助他開發更多土地，最終卻被公主殺死。
傑克與魔豆
這部作品是對同名童話故事的戲仿。傑克試圖偷走魔豆和魔豆蛋，卻被巨人困住。巨人透露他已經拔掉了魔豆，並邀請傑克加入雲端社區——一個由同樣被困住的人組成的社區。
書中其他諷刺內容
作者和出版商並不滿足於僅僅讓故事本身成為書中唯一的諷刺元素，他們還在書封作者簡介、書籍描述（“[...]這些故事帶有性別歧視、歧視性、不公平、文化偏見，並且總體上貶低了所有地方的女巫、動物、妖精和仙女。[...]我們希望未來的童話愛好者會將此視為一次有價值的嚐試，旨在創作出完全擺脫偏見、摒棄了有缺陷的文化過去的種種影響的有意義的文學作品。”），當然，還有引言，其中甚至包含了以下這段令人瞠目結舌的文字：
如果我因疏忽或故意而無意中表現出任何性別歧視、種族歧視、文化歧視、民族主義、地域主義、年齡歧視、外貌歧視、殘疾歧視、體型歧視、物種歧視、知識分子歧視、社會經濟主義歧視、種族中心主義、男性中心主義……如果我表達了異性戀父權製或其他尚未明確指出的偏見，我深表歉意……
寫作風格、共同主題和反複出現的元素
本書貫穿許多反複出現的主題和元素。其中一個反複出現的元素是“wommon”和“womyn”（而非“woman”和“women”）的拚寫方式不同。此外，書中還經常出現一些鮮明的現代概念（例如金發姑娘是一位特立獨行的生物學家，或者小紅帽給奶奶帶礦泉水），這與“更新”經典童話故事以適應現代社會的理念相符。另一個共同元素是，許多之前的英雄或反派角色都發生了轉變，女性反派通常會變得更加開明或更有力量，並與女主角成為朋友。女性角色（除少數例外）在獲得類似的覺悟和力量後，最終都能自救。
每個故事的主人公都聲稱自己對上述意識形態的認同達到了荒謬而偏執的程度。從引言到每個故事，乃至之後的部分，全書都采用了諷刺的風格，作者過於謹慎、冗長，生怕冒犯或詆毀任何讀者，以至於不斷地糾結於使用政治正確（或偽政治正確）的術語和措辭，最終顯得荒謬可笑、冗贅繁瑣。然而，這本書並無任何論戰色彩——其故事的風格僅僅在於以一種冷峻的口吻，將所有傳統偏見、刻板印象和成見從廣為人知的虛構作品中剝離出來，並以此為借口，避免誤導青少年的思想。
另見
反對政治正確運動
官方政治正確詞典和手冊
政治不正確
Politically Correct Bedtime Stories
by James Finn Garner Hardcover – Jan. 1 1994
https://www.amazon.ca/Politically-Correct-Bedtime-Stories-Garner/dp/1788165136
In this bestselling classic, James Finn Garner has rewritten classic stories for more enlightened times; from Snow White's relationship with seven vertically challenged men, Little Red Riding Hood, her grandma and the cross-dressing wolf who set up an alternative household based on mutual respect and cooperation, to the Emperor who was not naked but was endorsing a clothing-optional lifestyle.
At last, here is bedtime reading free from prejudice and discrimination of witches, giants, dwarves, goblins and fairies everywhere. For anyone brought up on sexist, racist, sizeist and ethnocentrist reading matter, James Finn Garner's stories have been purged of the influence of an insensitive cultural past to become fables for our times.
James Finn Garner's best known book is "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories", which spent 64 weeks on the New York Times Best-seller list, including six weeks in the top position. The book was also a best-seller in England and Canada, and has been translated into more than 25 languages. Its sequels, "Once Upon A More Enlightened Time" and "Politically Correct Holiday Stories", were also best sellers around the world.
His latest work is a mystery series set in a ghetto full of washed-up circus lifers. "Rex Koko, Private Clown" is the world's first and only hero of Clown Noir, a mashup of "Freaks" and "The Maltese Falcon". Titles include "Honk Honk, My Darling" (2011 Book of the Year, Chicago Writers Association), "Double Indignity" and "The Wet Nose of Danger" (2014 Book of the Year, CWA). Babes! Bullets! Banana peels! Please count your change before you leave the window.
Among his other books are "Tea Party Fairy Tales" (a Kindle Single Exclusive from Amazon) "Recut Madness" and "Apocalypse WOW!: A Memoir for the End of Time".
A former columnist with Chicago Magazine, Garner's writing has been broadcast on NPR and the BBC, and appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Chicago Tribune, Playboy, and TV Guide.
Politically Correct Bedtime Stories: Modern Tales for Our Life and Times
Politically Correct Bedtime Stories - Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politically_Correct_Bedtime_Stories?
A 1994 book written by American writer James Finn Garner, in which Garner satirizes the trend toward political correctness and censorship of children's literature, with an emphasis on humour and parody.[1] The bulk of the book consists of fairy tales such as Little Red Riding Hood, the Three Little Pigs and Snow White, rewritten so that they represent what a politically correct adult would consider a good and moral tale for children.[2]
The revisions include extensive usage of politically correct buzzwords (and parodies thereof), deliberately stiff moralizing dialogue and narration, inclusion of modern concepts and objects (such as health spas, mineral water, and automobiles), and often feature a plot twist that reverses the roles of the heroes and villains of the story (for example, the woodsman in Little Red Riding Hood is seen by Red Riding Hood not as a heroic saviour but as a "sexist" and "speciesist" interloper, and Snow White's evil stepmother ends up with a positive portrayal while the prince and the seven dwarves are portrayed as chauvinistic).[citation needed]
Politically Correct Bedtime Stories was Garner's first published book (or, in the words of his similarly satirical biography blurb from the book, "his first processed tree carcass"). More than 2.5 million copies have been sold in the United States and it has since been translated into 20 languages. Garner wrote two follow-up books: Once upon a More Enlightened Time: More Politically Correct Bedtime Stories[3] and Politically Correct Holiday Stories: For an Enlightened Yuletide Season,[4] the latter book satirizing political correctness during the Christmas holiday season. In 1998, the three books were compiled into an omnibus collection called Politically Correct: The Ultimate Storybook.[5] All editions of the Politically Correct titles are currently[when?] out of print.[citation needed]
In 2018, Garner released "Politically Correct Pinocchio".[citation needed]
Stories
The following is a listing of the stories in the order they appear in the book.
Little Red Riding Hood
Based on the popular fairy tale of the same name, this parody includes as its main themes mocking the idea of anti-"speciesism" and the more radical branches and concepts of feminism (such as using the spelling "womyn" instead of "women" throughout, a pattern that is repeated in other stories in the book), and is one of the several stories in which the ending is completely altered from the original fairy tale.
The woodsman (who saves Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother in the most well-known versions of the tale) ends up beheaded by the grandmother, who leaps from the wolf's mouth of her own accord after a "stirring" moralizing speech from Red, who states that womyn and wolves can solve their own problems without a man's interference. This comes after, of course, Red Riding Hood has labeled him as "sexist" and "speciesist" for deciding to try to save Red Riding Hood by killing the wolf. The wolf, Red Riding Hood, and her grandmother then form an "alternative household" together.
The Emperor's New Clothes
This is a parody of the eponymous fairy tale. The well-known ending is not entirely changed, but the outcome of it and moral of the story nonetheless do.
The story ends with a pro-nudist twist, with the whole kingdom quickly deciding to adopt a clothing optional society.
The Three Little Pigs
A parody of the fairy tale of the same name, in it the wolves are greedy capitalists and the pigs are natives forced off their land who later become freedom fighters or "porcinistas", parodying the Nicaraguan party Sandinista National Liberation Front, or Sandinism. The Big Bad Wolf succumbs to a heart attack.
The "porcinistas" slaughter the wolves, take back their lands and found a utopian socialist democracy in its place, living happily ever after.
Rumpelstiltskin
A parody of the classic Rumpelstiltskin story.
Instead of turning the straw into gold by magic, the girl (Esmeralda) and Rumpelstiltskin take the straw to poor farmers, who use it to thatch their roofs; in better health, the farmers become more productive, which improves the local economy and eventually leads to the overthrow of the prince and Esmeralda's being rewarded with gold. Esmeralda is then able to thwart Rumpelstiltskin's plan to take her first-born child by guessing his name; however, unlike in the original tale, she only guesses it because his "Little People's Empowerment Seminar" nametag is still on his body. Angry at the idea that her reproductive rights were almost taken away from her, she moves to California and starts a birth control clinic and lives happily ever after—as a "fulfilled, dedicated single person."
The Three Codependent Goats Gruff
This is a parody of the Billy Goats Gruff folktale, which satirizes "the masochistic tendencies of modern American liberal morality". The three Billy Goats and the Troll all attempt to take the blame for the situation and end up in a mass brawl which results in them falling off the bridge.
Rapunzel
A parody of the Rapunzel fairy tale, with a completely different ending.
It features the twist of the prince having connections in the music recording industry; having heard her sing, he wants to make her a star—and profit heavily from merchandising both her voice and her appearance. He soon convinces the witch that she should agree to the deal and stay on as her manager. However, Rapunzel, disgusted by the idea of her voice being exploited for capitalist gain, climbs out of the tower and runs off to become a folk musician who performs for free in a "coffee house".
Cinderella
A parody of the Cinderella fairy tale, with a distinctly feminist and anti-lookist twist. The ending is completely different from the original fairy tale.
Cinderella's "Fairy Godperson" (who is male) reluctantly agrees to dress her up for the ball. However, she is so attractive in her impractical shoes, clothing and makeup, that every male in the ballroom goes mad for her and a brawl begins that eventually results in the death of every last one of them. The women, envious of Cinderella's ability to make men go mad because of her beauty, at first turn on her; however, the clock strikes 12:00 midnight and she is transformed back to her peasant garb—and is so happy to be in comfortable clothes again that the other women decide that they are now envious of her comfort. Instead of killing her, however, they remove their own corsets, dresses and impractical shoes and dance around in their "shifts and bare feet". Covering up the real reason behind the men's deaths, they take over the kingdom and open a clothing company that produces only comfortable and practical clothing for women.
Goldilocks
A parody of the original Goldilocks and the Three Bears fairy tale, Goldilocks is not a little girl, but rather a greedy rogue biologist bent on tracking and studying the peaceful anthropomorphic bears to make a splash in the scientific community.
Goldilocks attempts to put tranquilizers in the bears' porridge and traps with radio collars in their beds. However, the bears note the "chemical" smell of their organic porridge and, suspicious, discover the traps as well as Goldilocks, who has fallen asleep in the corner of the room while waiting for her targets to return. The Papa Bear and Mama Bear then brutally kill and consume Goldilocks while the shocked Baby Bear looks on; it is revealed that the family is vegetarian, though the parents made an exception this time.
Snow White
This parody is based on the classic Snow White fairy tale, with numerous satirical twists (for example, the Seven Dwarfs, who are referred to as "vertically challenged men", run a retreat for men wanting to indulge in "primal" behavior) and a completely different ending. It has similar themes to the Cinderella parody from earlier in the book.
As in the original story, the queen pretends to be an old woman selling apples which, in truth, are poisoned. However, during the course of conversation with Snow White, she bonds with her. Forgetting that the apple in question was poisoned, she shares it with Snow White and both fall comatose to the floor.
Meanwhile, the dwarfs return—with the prince. The prince is at the retreat to try and cure his impotence, and, attracted to the nubile coma victim, requests to have sex with her; at which point the dwarfs decide that the unconscious Snow White makes a perfect impotence treatment and decide to display her so that they can make more money. However, when they try to move the two women's bodies, the poisoned apple pieces become dislodged from their throats - as in the original story; the women awaken, angry and disgusted at what they overheard while comatose and unable to act. The queen then declares that the dwarfs are trespassers, and throws them out of her forest. She and Snow White later open a spa for women on the same spot.
Chicken Little
A parody of the popular folktale of the same name, this story largely satirizes frivolous lawsuits. Chicken Little, Henny Penny and Goosey Loosey attempt to sue for various matters, and end up getting involved in a court battle lasting till this day.
The Frog Prince
A parody of the Frog Prince fairy tale. The Frog Prince in here is rather a land developer who cheated several landlords out of their property and was consequently punished by being turned into a frog. Once turned back into a human, the developer attempts to get the princess to help him in his greedy schemes to develop more land, which ends in her killing him.
Jack and the Beanstalk
A parody of the fairy tale of the same name. Jack attempts to steal the magic harp and eggs, but is trapped by the giant who reveals that he has uprooted the beanstalk, and invites Jack to join the cloud community, made up of people who have become trapped in a similar fashion.
Other satirical content in the book
The writer and publishers – not content to merely let the stories themselves be the only satire in the book – also featured satirical content in the book jacket author's biography blurb, the description of the book itself ("[...] the stories were sexist, discriminatory, unfair, culturally biased, and in general, demeaning to witches, animals, goblins, and fairies everywhere. [...] We'd like to think that future generations of fairy tale fans will see this as a worthy attempt to develop meaningful literature that is totally free of bias and purged from the influences of the flawed cultural past."), as well, of course, as in the introduction which goes so far as to include the following breathless passage:
If, through omission or commission, I have inadvertently displayed any sexist, racist, culturalist, nationalist, regionalist, ageist, lookist, ableist, sizeist, speciesist, intellectualist, socioeconomicist, ethnocentrist, phallocentrist, heteropatriarchalist, or other type of bias as yet unnamed, I apologize...
Writing style, common themes and recurring elements
The book features many recurring themes and elements throughout the story. One recurring element is the alternate spellings of "wommon" and "womyn" (instead of "woman" and "women"). Additionally, the inclusion of distinctly modern concepts (such as Goldilocks being a rogue biologist, or Red Riding Hood bringing her grandmother mineral water) is common throughout the book, in keeping with the concept of "updating" classic fairy tales for modern times. Another common element is that many of the previous heroes or villains have had a role reversal, with female villains usually becoming more enlightened or empowered and befriending the heroine. Female characters (with few exceptions) rescue themselves after being similarly empowered and enlightened.
The protagonist of each story purportedly conforms to the above-mentioned ideologies to absurd, obsessive levels. The satirical style used throughout the book, from the introduction to every one of the stories and then some, is that of an overly cautious, excessively verbose author who so fears offending or maligning any one reader that he is continually sidetracked and preoccupied by using politically correct (or pseudo-politically correct) terminology and phrasing, to the point of ridiculousness and redundancy. However, the book is absent of polemics—its stories are styled only upon a deadpan context of removing of all traditional bias, stereotype and prejudice from well-known fiction, under the pretense of not warping young minds.
See also
