這個生日注定不同

“Why did you do this to yourself?” My daughter kept asking me. Everytime, I replied with the same answer - “To make this birthday memorable.”
 

I arranged an oral surgery right before this birthday. On the actual birthday, I also scheduled an initial physiotherapy session for my long time injured shoulder.I am going to remember this birthday, the 42th birthday, as the stage of pain,healing and recovery. And more important, it will mark launch of my so called and long awaited self-renewal.

Before the 40th birthday, I started a process of questioning and thinking. In the past couple of years, there have been continuous and numerous search in both outer and inner world. On business trips, driving ten thousand-miles and visiting plentiful of counties, I was on the road accompanied by spring breeze, summer lakes, autumn colors, and winter snows. I drove by mountains with broad thoughts on life questions; I went through thunderstorms with deep grief of my aunt’s passing. I witnessed the sunlight of hope and I experienced the darkness of nowhere.

On personal tours, I flew a few times to my hometown on the other side of the world; I travelled to western and eastern coasts of the country; I reached the southern point of the continent. I stopped by countless cities and towns on these long journeys with the search, same as ever.

The search on the road has been ongoing and exhausting. The dozens of long and short trips involved almost all types of transportation. There have been times, a few weeks after a trip, I still had bad dreams of missing a flight or a ferry.

On exploration over all these places, reading books offered me exciting adventures into my inner world. Amongst all the books accompanied me on the road, there are a few made tremendous impact on my self-growth.

It was about twenty years ago when I first read a book by Nan Huaijin. Unfortunately, I was fairly young and unsettled at that time. I over-reached and was unable to stay on the learning path. Time flew by so fast with fullfilled many big life events. It was till the year I was turning 40 that I made my way back to discovering of the long lost treasure. This time, I am ready, more than ever before.

In 2016, I received a book written by Ge Guolong. I felt like a traveller who had been lost and finally discovered a map to the eternal destination. Reading this book was like following the light at the end of a tunnel. The book is very fascinating and I was completely enlightened. With his books, I would never be lost ever again and I am very grateful.

On a bus tour to New York, I brought a book to kill hours on the road. Surprisingly, the book was so interesting that the tour became a distraction. It was written by Ken Wilber. The spiritual map he presented is thrilling! My learning and growing will be guided ever since.

These three great thinkers contributed plentiful of books and advice. With a dozen of other writers that I have discovered, I am relieved with a sense of belonging. I felt thrilled looking forward to a long, but not alone, adventure of self growth and completion.

Once I reached the middle age, the rest of life would be even unpredictable with aging, sickness and death. I am not getting younger and healthier, but could be wiser and happier. It seems like a trade between body and soul or life and wisdom. On this date of 42th birthday, or actually it has been always, I am certain that my search and growing will go on and on. This date is not a turning point rather a milestone to a more guided and rewarding journey.

In the 42th edition of my life book, the very first chapter turned to be interesting already. It appeared that this birthday is meant to be different. Before the bedtime, a deep dog scratch on my daughter’s leg caused concerns and contradictory opinions in the family. At 11 pm, I had to take my daughter to the hospital emergency. “Daughter, it will be an interesting trip. It would be like a job shadowing with night shift doctors and nurses”. When the day is over at 12am, I was with my daugther in the hospital while struggling with ear pain and headache caused by my wisdom teeth removal. Finally, at 2am, my daughter was checked by a doctor and let go home. Four hours later in the early morning, she got on the bus for her graduation trip to Quebec city. Everything worked out just fine. “Anything can happen at anytime and anywhere. It is possible that you change any encounter into a positive experience.” I will always remember “relax, take it easy, and the result will naturally be good”.