孤獨之旅 （二）

（二）

靈鐺回來了，一路匯演從縣城到市裏。疲憊不堪。不過回想起這一路的收獲和隊員們對她的舞技的肯定，她很開心。放下行李，去開水房打水回來洗了個頭，她對鏡梳理黃褐色的長發，偷笑以前人們眼中的那個黃毛丫頭現在已變成大姑娘了。宿舍裏的室友在討論要考的科目，她已經缺了一周的課了。本想問問重點在什麽地方，卻發現室友都有意無意躲她的目光，就像她是來這裏做客的。洗漱完畢靈鐺踩著高低床的梯子爬上二層，準備開始複習要考的科目。這時她發現一遝兒來信，都是沒有發信地址的。她把那些信原封不動塞進一個紙盒子裏，不去理會。都是那些情竇初開的男生觀眾們一時衝動的胡話。突然，她看見床頭貼近枕頭的地方有一張折起來的信紙。覺得奇怪，靈鐺拿過來打開，發現上麵有很簡短的幾行字。筆跡很眼熟。對了，這不是她的形影不離的好朋友濤的字嗎？讀完短信，她一下子沒有明白過來說了什麽。再讀一遍：“你好靈鐺，很抱歉我恐怕不能再和你做最好的朋友了。我需要你的時候，你總在忙，我交的新朋友她可以每天和我談天說地。而且我越來越覺得和你在一起我有壓力，你的光環太耀眼了，它完全遮住了我。對不起！” 這一次，她明白過來這紙條說什麽了。她實在不敢相信這是真的。靈鐺和濤曾經朝夕相處，互勉互助，是一對靈魂姐妹。靈鐺是多麽崇拜濤啊，雖然她沒有很多的業餘愛好，既不喜歡運動，也不會跳舞或者畫畫，可是她健談風趣，知識廣博。而且她善解人意，溫柔可愛。她們在一起總是那麽開心。濤對她來講不僅僅是一個朋友或者知己那麽重要，她是她的半顆心啊。想到這，兩行熱淚忍不住滾下麵頰，她跌坐在硬板床上，腦子裏像炸了一個雷，轟的一聲將震蕩傳遍全身。等雷過去，腦海中一幕幕閃現最近濤有意避開她的場景，她曾經困惑不解，傷心難過，今天才明白緣由。靈鐺有一刻想衝去濤的宿舍，跟她說讓她收回她說的話。但是靈鐺最終沒有，隻是任由眼淚無聲地在臉上流淌，把心中積鬱的苦悶和突襲而來的巨大孤獨感衝走！失去濤，她不知道明天的太陽是否還能像往日一樣溫暖、滋潤，晚上的月亮是否還會像平常一樣明亮、會意。她覺得她的世界在開始崩潰，夢在開始飄走！

TWO

Translated by:　北美大牛

Bell came back exhausted, after performing in a series of shows in towns and
cities. Nonetheless she was happy, reveling with the memories of what she
learned and the encouragements and affirmations on her dancing skills by her
teammates. She put down her luggage, got some warm water from the water closet
and washed her hair. She combed her auburn hair, looked at herself in the
mirror, and chuckled that what people saw as a little girl had now grown into a
lass. The roommates were discussing the exam topics. She missed classes for a week,
so she tried to ask if she missed any important things. But she found her
roommates evaded from her glances, giving her the feeling that she is a guest.
After washing herself and brushed her teeth, Bell climbed up to the upper bunk
bed and started to prepare for the exams. Then she found a pile of letters
without sender’s address. She stashed those letters into a paper box, without
opening them. She wouldn’t read them, for those were letters filled with
nonsenses from the young men who saw her performing, gustatory for a crush on
her. Suddenly she saw by the pillow a folded letter at the head of the bed. Out
of curiosity, Bell opened it and saw a few lines. The strokes looked familiar
to her. Oh yes, these are the writings from Tao, one of her best friends. She
quickly read through the letter and could not immediately make much sense if
it. She read it again: “Dear Bell, I am sorry that I am afraid we can’t
continue to be best friends anymore. Whenever I needed you, you are always
busy. I now have a new friend, we chat along quite well, on all sorts of
topics. Besides whenever we are together I feel uneasy. You are too radiant and
the radiance completely overshadowed me. I am sorry!” Now she understood what
was said in this note. She couldn’t believe it. Bell and Tao had been together
day and night, they helped and encouraged each other, and they were like
sisters and truly soul mates. She adored Tao so much, although Tao weren’t into
many things, she didn’t like physical exercise, dancing, nor painting. But she
was humorous and learned, and enjoyed talking. In addition, she cared about
others. She was just sweet and adorable. They were always happy together. Tao
was important not only as a friend or confidant, she occupied one half of her
heart. When she thought about all these, streams of tears dropped from her
eyes. Bell sat on the hard wooden bed and felt like a bomb just exploded in her
head and the explosion shook her entire body. After the initial shock, flashes
of recent encounters with Tao appeared in her mind. Tao would avoid her and
that confounded and saddened her. Now she saw it clear. Bell wanted to break
into Tao’s dorm and demand her to take back what she said, but she did not. She
just allowed the tears to flow freely down through her face. She hoped that the
tears would flush away all the accumulated gloom and the new onrush of
loneliness. Without Tao, she dared to know not if the sun would rise tomorrow
as warm and gentle as before and if the moon would still be as bright and
tender before. She felt that the world was starting to collapse and dreams were
fleeting away!