連嶽：還我夫君

作者：連嶽 http://www.bullogger.com/blogs/lianyue/archives/295058.aspx


連嶽，您好！

 

抱歉我沒有看過您的專欄，隻是跟風讀過《我愛問連嶽》，《我愛問連嶽Ⅱ》在讀中。

我從來都覺得愛是簡單的事情，愛就愛，不愛就不愛。

當然您的一些觀點我也很喜歡。

 

我和男友相戀六年，同居四年，我早已到了適婚年齡，

但是他卻一直回避結婚這個話題。

幾天前，他發給我你們所謂愛情專家開出的婚前必問的15個問題，

意在匹配問題的答案後再決定要不要結婚，

嗬嗬，我有種被侮辱的感覺。

 

難道你們真的覺得這是對婚姻負責嗎？

那麽愛情呢？愛情就不用認真對待了嗎？

 

我無意冒犯，

我隻是覺得這些問題太板眼，適合相親的對象，

因為人的人生觀價值觀都在不停地變化。

 

或者你認為，答案大相徑庭毫不匹配的兩個人，即使相愛相守了6年，仍然要分開為上策嗎？

_________________________________

1、你真容易被侮辱，不愧生在中國。

2、問這些問題就是認真對待愛情，對愛情負責與對婚姻負責一點也不矛盾。

3、不管你以後怎麽變，至少得讓人確定現在的你是可以愛的。

4、如果答案大相徑庭，那麽，你得慶幸不是在十六年或六十年後才發現；

5、與監獄相守6年或6年以上的囚犯，你認為，他們會因此愛上監獄嗎？

連嶽

2009年5月15日

[shenmo]

這15個問題，如果婚前要我和領導回答，我們隻能答出第7條：YES，臥室能放電視機。想當年隻租一間房，不放臥室放哪裏？

[emmeyshelper]

執子之手偕老：
2009-05-15 22:41:55

[匿名] skinny [218.106.61.*] @ 2009-5-15 16:59:20
我覺得這位女士沒有弄明白，使你覺得被侮辱的不是連嶽的15個問題，而是你男友的態度。你男友覺得你們還不適合步入婚姻，理由是什麽？是連嶽15條中的哪一條？他是覺得自己沒準備好，還是對你沒有信心？或者覺得雙方的經濟狀況還不夠樂觀？他是如何向你解釋的？有沒有相互交流和討論？

如果你們之間連交流這些問題都做不到，乃至要靠連嶽15條去交流，那我覺得你們確實還不適合結婚。

[emmeyshelper]

新浪網友：
2009-05-15 21:03:27

嗬嗬，喜歡連嶽的文字！
智慧，敏捷，理性的光輝！
——紅泥

[果果兒]

回複艾友友的評論:
嗯，在考慮。哎，拿不定主意啊。怕犯錯誤傷心。

[guoguoer]

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html?_r=1&sq=questions%20to%20ask%20before%20marriage&st=cse&scp=1&pagewanted=print

Here are the original 15 questions on NY Times:

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

[果果兒]

謝謝艾老師。及時雨啊！：）
感謝！