苦笑集

杭州市長春藥店
昨天電話裏說起河坊街的變化，讓我想起很多年前的一個台灣同胞。他在解放路買了多瓶茅台後來到河坊街同濟堂附近買中藥。看見一大店掛牌“杭州市長春藥店”，和邊上一小鋪掛牌“女兒花拍賣當鋪”，他大叫道“我真沒有想到杭州比台灣還開放！”。你猜他怎麽想，反正穀歌翻譯沒翻成mayor的春藥店，也沒說賣女兒的

What a F..DAY
There were lot of snow this morning and the 5:50 bus did not come, when the bus came, it showed
F..DAY 6 :14 4/4/14 (FukDAY 留點要死　死／死／要死)
After I pulled the handle, it read
S.... REQUESTED(愛死 REQUESTED).

What a F..DAY!!!

文革講話
我是毛主席。                                                          -- 驚啞聲
派我來的，是來搞婦女。                                       -- 驚啞聲
工作的，一個人一支槍(gun also means dick)。   -- 大大掌聲
這是不可能的，倆個人一支槍。                           -- 失望 然後 掌聲
這是辦不到的，三個人一支槍。                           --大失望然後小 掌聲
也是木頭做的。                                                      -- 完全失望沒有 掌聲

毛詩歪評
北國風光，千裏冰封，萬裏雪飄。that's cold
望長城內外，惟餘莽莽；大河上下，頓失滔滔。pee's frozen?
山舞銀蛇，原馳蠟象，欲與天公試比高。pee couldn't go that high
須晴日，看紅妝素裹，分外妖嬈。girls are coming!!

江山如此多嬌，that one is so charming,
引無數英雄競折腰。that I would beg for
惜秦皇漢武，略輸文采；唐宗宋祖，稍遜風騷。yea,but girls don't care about your education
一代天驕，成吉思汗，隻識彎弓射大雕。don't aim at my vice president!
俱往矣，數風流人物，還看今朝。I quit!!

《春曉》新解
春瞑不覺曉， in the morning after a long night,
處處聞啼鳥。 girls are chirping at the door.
夜來風雨聲， heard screaming at night,
花落知多少 many of them turn into ladies.

《春夜喜雨》新解
好雨知時節，a good man know when to wet his lady,
當春乃發生。he does so at her spring time
隨風潛入夜，sneaking into her room,
潤物細無聲    raining her without noise

六四語錄
紫陽：我老了，無所謂，你們還年輕，來日方長。
小平：武警就是公安幹警麽。
李鳥：必須旗幟鮮明地反對動亂。
尚昆：我們把部隊開進北京的首都，實在是沒有辦法的，是萬不得已的。

鄰居孩子都笑小強蠢
鄰居孩子總戲弄小強愚蠢，他們最喜歡的笑話是給他在５分鎳幣和一角硬幣之間選擇。有一天在他挑了５分鎳幣後，一孩子把他拉到一邊說：“強，這些男孩都在取笑你。你知不知道鎳幣雖大但隻是５分，而那小的卻是一角？”小強咧嘴一笑說：“如果我拿了角幣，他們會停止這樣做。到目前為止，我已白拿了20美元！”

Drive License Test
A red neck got an accident with his truck and had to retake the written test in order to get his license back. The tester asked him in which language the test should be, he reply America. The tester went back for long time and came back "I'm sorry letting you wait for so long, it's really hard to find one written in American" ,then she gave the paper to him. He looked at it and asked "What language is this?","American, do you ACTUALLY want it in English?". He said "We Amican do not speak English, we speak America!"