Choose Strong
For Tim.
I embraced the storm and got myself fired at the last gig.
That might be one of the best things to happen to a guy like
me. (Steve Jobs was fired and he liked that, too.) I learnt
a lot from that experience and bounced back strong. Through
it, I could see how fate played a hand in my "career." It
was a good story which I might write down later.
At the current job, I had the rare opportunity to borrow a
gem from the past, which everyone seemed to forget, and
write a layer-ed memory management scheme. Such
infrastructure work is usually done early-on in a system's
life. Simple memory allocators were invented and re-invented
in the company's history but none provided good solutions to
several key problems. For me, it was immensely satisfying to
be able to contribute a central piece of software.
Have I got recognition? Yes and in some sense, although I
haven't got a promotion or raise; my Indian colleagues seem
to have a good monopoly on those. I have been thankful
simply for the opportunity to do the work. Ironically, the
Indian idea of one being entitled to his work but not its
fruit applies to a Chinese here.
But I have come prepared. I detach myself from the job.
It's a way to spend my day that gives some meaning to it
including providing for loved ones, exercising my intellectual
and emotional strength, satisfying my curiosity at human
nature, etc. I keep an important idea in mind: I am not my
work but a force applied to some ingredients including
time and space. I do not chase what most people do but
strive to understand. Everything.
Negativity dominates my workplace and many people engage
in building hierachies with zeal. When something is raised,
it's mostly about a problem, e.g., a software bug, a glitch in
the workflow, a deadline, etc. But I have shifted the angle
to look at things. These days, instead of turning fearful
and defensive, I love bug reports as a chance to better
understand the system. Sincerely and readily, I admit my
mistakes and praise the bosses and colleagues. I work hard
but deadlines have almost zero effect on me no matter how
much is piled on my plate. I have even started to handle
the passive-aggressiveness from colleagues better in that I
can recognize it, check my emotional responses in time,
and re-focus on the right things. It was interesting that
I was never able to see things this way in my 20s, 30s, or
even early 40s. The way things are going, I might someday
achieve enlightenment ;-)
The workplace allows me a good deal of freedom. I usually
stand to work in the morning, sit on the floor to stretch in
the afternoon, and visit the gym a few times throughout the
day for bouts of exercises. In one and a half years, among
others, I have built the flexibility for a full lotus.
Work time is flexible, too, as I come and go largely on my
own terms. This helps me to keep a programming job,
sleep 7+ hours a day, and take care of Tim: school pick-up
and drop-off, cooking a healthy meal every work-day, and
taking him to Jiu-Jitsu training four times a week.
I have been deeply thankful for all these. Hallelujah!
