Gone with the wind
隨心而飄， 隨意而寫。 我自流連隨風笑，凡人癡夢各不同。
病房裏的故事《湯姆和我》
認識枋姐緣於病房。去年晚秋我剛從國內休假回來，病房裏住進了Hypervolemia 的湯姆，他下肢嚴重浮腫，說話喘息還不時的嗆咳，翻開湯姆的病例他有多發性骨髓瘤病史但一直在穩定控製狀況下，沒有心衰。這次由於身體過度水鈉儲留伴有臨床症狀，胸片有滲透病灶醫生高度懷疑他有急性心衰和腎功能不全。對於新的診斷湯姆難以接受。
湯姆曾是一個著名的Trumpet Player 他與很多明星如Ray Charles同台演出，他是那種性格鋼毅，脾氣倔強非常有主見又不屈服醫學的人，對於醫生和護士他時不時會給不信任的hard time，態度生硬，不怎麽友好。他的床邊桌上堆放著汽車機械書本，一個勁地囔囔著讓他出院，“我要去上課。”
在我走進病房時，他用中文說了一句“你好！”馬上跟我討近乎，“我太太是中國人，她非常聰明能幹。”看得出，他談到太太時幸福洋溢，崇拜的眼神喜形於色。他說太太是上海人，他也去過上海。我則有意識的：“明天你太太來了叫她留下，讓我見見她。”醫院通常對於不合作的病人會要求家屬involve patient care, 但我更好奇的是，什麽樣的東方女性可以駕馭這個頑固的，可以使他佩服得五體投地的美國佬。
見到湯姆的太太枋，是在第二天傍晚。我一出現在病房，她就迎了上來。 通情達理的枋立即為先生對staff不友好的行為抱歉，枋完全知道自己的先生有多 tough. 枋的落落大方，談吐雅致，和善解人使我們很快就有了共同語言。在湯姆的病情上似乎不需要我多作解釋，精明慧心的枋已心領神會。她之前為了先生的病已在網絡上學習和研究了很多，因著湯姆的頑固一直拒絕來醫院接受治療，在Lasix（利尿劑）和 Albumin（白蛋白）治療下，湯姆依然排尿不多，消腫不明顯。湯姆自然情緒低落但對醫務人員態度有明顯改善。枋知道湯姆的病情不容樂觀，她很認真的問道：“湯姆會走嗎？他走了我怎麽辦？”我誠實地點點頭：隻要他活著您做到最好的就仁至義盡了。
我和枋一見如故,彼此信任。健談的枋道出:認識湯姆是因為喜歡中餐的湯姆是中餐館的老常客，他意願娶個中國太太。在朋友的幫助下，湯姆特意跑到中國迎娶上海嬌娘枋。他們沒有孩子，如膠似漆互相支持著各自的事業和興趣愛好26年。
知性大氣的枋，不施粉黛，穿戴典雅，崇尚素食，一切以organic為主，如果枋不告訴我她的年齡，我一定猜不出她的實際歲數。她在做著一份accounting工作同時有著諸多愛好，她喜歡畫畫，喜歡房屋設計，喜歡音樂，喜歡旅遊和閱讀。噢，她還是我們文學城的長期潛水員，在與她交流時，我發現她的英語能力也非常強。我鼓勵她寫字，她歉虛地說，自己文筆不好。其實我們在用心和真實的感情記錄著生活點滴，分享我們的理念和感受又何必計較華麗詞藻。
二天前，我收到了枋用真情寫下的中英紀念文《湯姆和我》和她自己設計的墓碑讓我熱淚盈眶，我所能給她的安慰：“枋姐，含淚看完您對先生熱愛和生命敘述，知道您是用感情寫成的而不隻是筆墨，太真實，太感動了。我知道Tom會走，還是快了點，天堂裏湯姆依然為您驕傲。一個人的日子多保重，有需要的時候，我會在您身邊。”我又鼓勵到：“真的很高興看見您用文字這麽平靜而美好的敘述，喜歡文字會使您的生活充滿想象，不寂寞。”
在征得枋姐同意下，我把她的紀念文放在這裏與大家分享。
《湯姆和我》
作者枋
(一)
那是一個陽光明媚的星期六12月20日，2014年的臨終關懷的團隊（一種聯邦對生命最後階段患者服務）已停止了對湯姆的病24小時監控服務。一個洗澡的服務人，奧斯卡，在這裏幫助清理他。其實，沒有太多的奧斯卡能做的，我已做了一切，我從來沒有讓任何肮髒的尿布留在湯姆身上。事實上，湯姆使用尿布僅兩天。
一個月前，他還在Citrus大學上他的汽車課。湯姆買了昂貴的測試設備和許多其他工具來實踐他從學校學習的知識，他計劃用在未來幾個月裏。而且他一直在尋找一個小舊豐田車練習。
他去了急診室，還是我的堂親Gloria和她的專業同事告訴他，他的病必須在醫生護理下，否則, 他的生命可能不久會結束。
我記得那天我們去了Kaiser，他還帶了他的學校功課和書，我們去急診室11月13日，2014年，他總是告訴我:"我確定，下周會更好，我的病不久會改善"。他唯一要求的事情是:"我們需要一個樓梯升降機; 實在是太難受，步行到二樓 。" 我安裝座椅電梯，2014年11月18日當天他回到家裏。
奧斯卡要用手腕血壓設備檢查他的血壓。我認為, 如果我們有一個手臂血壓檢查設備會容易得多。我叫媽媽過來看湯姆，這樣我就可以去附近的商店發現手腕血壓的設備。
今天上午早些時候，洛雷娜和她的丈夫前來探望湯姆。湯姆是如此高興與這位來自埃及的年青人聊天。不知何故，湯姆愛中東文化，我猜在他的前生中他曾是中東人。
午飯後瑞雅和她的丈夫也訪問了湯姆，湯姆很高興和這對新婚夫婦聊天。湯姆喜歡與年輕人分享他的理念。每一次，我們去參加聚會，我從來不介意，他跟任何年輕女孩或男性聊天，因為他有這麽多的知識分享，如果不分享這將是浪費。
從CVS買的設備不可以用;我無法測試湯姆手腕血壓（也許這是一個警告，我不知道，因為奧斯卡在這裏的幾個小時前，他看上去這麽好）。湯姆一直在問我“上哪裏去找一個溫度測量？”我知道我們有一個，我從中國26年前帶來。但是我找不到了。我沒有時間去尋找，因為湯姆這幾天不能夠自理了。我不得不問CVS的工作人員，當我買腕式血壓的設備時。他們告訴我，這是夏天的項目，不攜帶在冬季。Home Depot可能有。
我問湯姆，我可以去Home Depot 嗎？。他說：沒問題，我很好。他看上去這麽好，今天非常高興地和兩對年輕男女交談，而且聽到臨終關懷人員奧斯卡說，他很好。
喝了2勺蔬菜湯，他看上去很好。我們開始看電視。電視是3天前買的。我們有幾個小電視，但湯姆說，他希望有一個較小的電視能放在他的床邊小桌上，因為他認為他不得不留在這種情況下3或4個月。他相信他的狀態數個月後會漸漸好起來。在這26年來，我從來沒有否定湯姆的需求，他也從來沒有提出任何不合理的要求。任何事情，他認為是必要的，如果我認為是不必要的;他會找到一種方法來賺錢去滿足自己的需求。
我知道他的健康狀況正在下降，六月份我帶他到中國醫生看他的腳腫脹。湯姆在VA和Kaiser看他的多骨髓瘤病。2個星期前，我們在他的醫生麵前有爭論，因為湯姆覺得他的醫生能醫治愈他，其實我聽到醫生說：我很擔心，你的化驗數據沒有下來還上去了。我認為我們需要改變我們的治療方法。湯姆忽視醫生的說法; 他相信他的腹瀉是腹部感染引起。我不是醫生，但我猜引起腫脹不斷升級，從腿到腸道腹瀉。當時，他的腎髒功能隻有25％。但他在夏天的時候，看了腎髒醫生。醫生把他送回骨髓瘤醫生，說腎沒問題。骨髓瘤的醫生又在度假。當治療再開始，就已經延遲了3個月。他的學校功課，消耗了更多他自己的實力來戰勝疾病的能量。
是否每個人都有一種放式和一個特定日期結束生命？
2夜前，我們為找一個較小的電視機從搜查網站西爾斯，目標，沃爾瑪和弗萊。湯姆說，"怎麽樣亞馬遜" "亞馬遜並不好，需要兩天的時間交貨。"我說。我發現弗萊的有15英寸的小電視。弗萊離我們住的地方不太遠。 "湯姆，我去購買電視，你可以留在你自己嗎"？我問。 "是的，沒問題." 這是晚上7點左右，我沒叫媽媽過來，因為湯姆看上去很好。他剛剛停止了臨終關懷24小時監護理。我知道湯姆說好，他是確定的，因為他總是很真實的。他是一個簡單又擁有很多知識的人。記得有一次，我曾在貝弗利山的辦公室文員工作。我的老板要我帶一些打印紙回家，因為她沒有用那麽多的紙張比其他律師事務所。湯姆看見了，告訴我："不要拿回家了，這是僅供辦公室使用".
我把15寸電視買回家，這是一個退貨的項目，但我沒有任何選擇，這是店裏唯一一個。我沒有時間去奔波。
不知怎的，曾在我的腦海裏。湯姆是在非常惡劣的條件下。2014年12月13日，我們離開KAISER醫院前，醫生告訴我們："我們沒有任何更多的治療為你們做了。胃沒有感染." ;"那麽，你為什麽不發出善終服務給TOM?" 我問，醫生說:"是的，我們可以發出善終服務，但你不能使用任何積極的治療." 我們從來沒有任何積極的治療，如果我們做了，湯姆可能未能幸存多骨髓瘤首診第二階段4年。湯姆可能也意識到了他的健康是非常糟糕的情況，因為他讓我告訴他姐姐他的病情。在我的麵前，他總是說："別擔心，我會活下去兩年." 我知道他是試圖不使我傷心。湯姆的健康狀況一直非常好，即使是在四月份他的血液測試數據都好。以他的年齡，他的心髒是非常好的。之後，我們離開了醫院，在家接受治療。我們有兩天，天天尋找附近的自助餐館，想找出什麽食物湯姆可以吃。他喜歡陽光加州的天氣和我的作伴。是不是太晚了？他一身奔波於他的音樂，從五歲開始，直到他被診斷多發性骨髓瘤。那些整個職業生涯的成功跟他這一代同著名歌星演出 （有一段時期，電視裏常常報著名歌星過世，TOM常說，我跟他同台演出。），12年的工會仲裁員，都隻是在照片上。那些都是你自己的寶藏不是別人。他是一個永不停止的人。當他不能再演出後，他的興趣轉移到汽車上。這也是他的其中一個興趣，但一直沒有時間做。12歲時他幫助過他叔叔汽車修理店，在他79歲的年齡，想重新進入這個興趣。
雖然，我沒有鼓勵他采取這種冒險，因為我認為這是不利於他的健康，車內肮髒的空氣會觸發他的病情。我想，他可以開始寫他的一生。他堅持要進學校學汽車修理，我沒有阻止他。我們一直尊重對方的想法和興趣。我們都相信，我們隻有活一次在這一生中，你應該為自己而活著不是為了別人，你活得更長，但不做你想做的事生活又有什麽意義。
(二)
我買回來15英寸的電視，沒有包裝盒。湯姆很高興又有玩的樂趣了。他的手力仍然較強，足以調適電視。我們設置了電視，它運作良好。
今晚，通道5-2是瑪麗蓮夢露的電影周。下午，湯姆調節電視角度使更適合躺著看。他的手臂依然強勁。我坐在他的床邊，我們手握住手。他說:"想想，有哪一家餐館下星期我們可以去，如果他的健康下周變得更好"。廣告時，他用自己的手摸著我的背，給了我輕輕的按摩，正如我們整個婚姻期間他所做的。在結婚之前我的背部脊椎有問題。湯姆每天晚上給我按摩，10-15分鍾，後來背就不疼了。幾個月前他停止了，我想湯姆不希望我感覺傷心，如果他不在了。我們多麽享受彼此在這和平和舒適的夜晚。在電視廣告中，我們仍然談論我們聖誕休假。大多數時候，我喜歡聖誕節安排參觀附近的一些城市，因為我們沒有大的家庭聚會。我喜歡享受旅遊地方的裝飾。我們打算租一部大車讓湯姆可以舒適的坐和更容易進出的大車。
"EDDIE可以幫助照顧我."湯姆說。EDDIE是湯姆的侄子。他是唯一一個住在加利福尼亞州。所有其他相關的親戚都住在湯姆的家鄉馬薩諸塞州的SPRINGFIELD。湯姆經常告訴別人他是波多黎各。事實上，這是他最成功的職業生涯的地方。1959年他得到了他的波士頓大學管理學位，他去了波多黎各獲得他的音樂碩士學位。因為管理學是父親要的，音樂是他自己要的。 30歲的湯姆雙學士學位在60年代是很成功的。他有樂隊在波多黎各最好的酒店進行演出長達7年。誰不會為自己感到自豪？我總是說"我愛你."我今天才知道，"我為你感到驕傲"，是湯姆更想聽的這對他更重要得多。一個男人需要更多的驕傲和尊重。雖然我一直生活在美國的26年，英語還沒有達到9年級的學生。簡單的溝通和專業的溝通達到了，認為夠用就可以。我錯過了告訴我最親愛的人給他最想聽到的話。
這部電影應該在下午11時30分結束;劇情漸漸進入白熱化。妻子試圖謀殺她的丈夫。幾分鍾前，湯姆說，他想坐起來，我很努力去幫他移動一點。我猜他有一點點呼吸艱難，但他並沒有意識到。他還在跟我說話。我希望他會得到一天天好起來。我不會介意用我的餘生去照顧他。我們還說起放棄我的工作，做到2015年3月。在2014年12月的最後我不得不設法每周多休息一天。每周五帶湯姆看他的醫生。當我得知他多骨髓瘤已經轉移到腎髒，我決定12月13日之後停止工作，但我還有一堂12月18日星期四要給分公司上訓練課，那天湯姆身體不舒服，需要為24小時監控服務。我取消了訓練課。
突然，湯姆說“芳，你把氧氣關了嗎？”湯姆是使用氧氣。隨即，我意識到這是湯姆的健康造成嚴重的問題，因為氧氣沒有動。我說：“等一下湯姆，我現在撥打911，”，但我看到他的眼睛是睜大，直看前方，嘴巴想說點什麽，但說不出話來了。我知道他想說“是什麽呢？生活就這樣結束了?" "湯姆堅持，堅持住，我愛你." 他的身體隻是杵回到床上。我看到他點頭，當他聽到我說:我愛你. 他能聽見？他仍然可以點點他的頭？我的通靈說，是他的身體回聲，當我說:"我愛你."
我叫善終公司，有緊急情況時，我們同意不撥打911時。這是簽善終公司的一項條規。對方回答了，但立刻音樂上來。這意味著他們試圖尋找護士。我用另一個電話立即撥打了911。臨終關懷護士回了，但他在40英裏遠。我回去試試營救湯姆。完全沒有反應。3分鍾後911來了。從機器上看心髒已經沒有跳動。 "他走了，夫人." "你試救一下，好嗎？" 911醫生看到一張粉紅色的卡躺在桌子上，粉紅色的卡片上寫著沒有極端的治療當心髒停止跳動。在美國，當你在人生的最後階段，醫院要病人作出的決定，他們希望如何被對待。湯姆和我都同意，這是沒有必要把呼吸機和心髒跳動的機器上幾天，如果自己的心髒不能正常工作了。我求求醫生嚐試用"觸電"。醫生說:"病人已經簽署不這樣做". 我不知道這是包括在極端處理。
湯姆走了，就這樣走了。我哭了，並摟著他的背，我的心被打成千萬碎片，但心裏卻依然清晰的知道我要做什麽，我需要做的什麽。 911團隊試圖撥打電話報警; 警方需要參與，如果有人死在家裏（我很高興我們沒有購買人壽保險，如果被保險人死亡在家裏而且就唯一受益人在身邊，會把事情搞得很複雜）。湯姆說了不要葬禮。我不能就這樣讓他走，隻有我在身邊。這是在晚上11:30。我想至少有兩個兒子和一個女兒。我們沒有任何子女; 我打電話給他的侄子EDDIE，我的好朋友DAVE，他們都是住40英裏的路程。我打電話給我的表親GLORIA湯姆總是把她看作親姐妹。不久，EDDIE和他的密友黛比，DAVE和他的妻子麗貝卡，GLORIA和她的女兒軍誼，和我的母親，都到了。我知道湯姆一定在什麽地方看著我們，他會滿足地看到這麽多的親人對他的身體說再見。
湯姆走得很尊嚴，有美國國旗覆蓋著和一輛新的殯儀車。多麽的巧合，他有一輛新的殯儀車去玫瑰山莊（公墓和殯儀服務業務）。湯姆喜歡車這麽多年，他有凱迪拉克，1968年的。我們隻有2輛汽車的停車庫，但我們總是有3到4輛汽車。謝謝GLORIA和JUNYI 送TOM出門。我把大家叫上二樓，這是最讓人痛心的一幕，對我來說身體隻是我們靈魂的衣服，我們的死亡隻是這件衣服壞了。
我的心髒被打破千萬片，但我的世界沒有死亡，因為我知道我還有很多事要做。我完全沒有準備。我們有樓梯升降機一個月前安裝讓湯姆更容易上樓。我已經買了很多的軟布衣服讓湯姆腫脹的腿舒服。我是在不斷嚐試租用大型豪華車與湯姆去度假。與湯姆的生活不應該就這麽結束了。我哭了，不知道沒有TOM怎樣生活。今晚，我和我的母親住，但我喜歡回家，我相信湯姆會用另一中方式回來找我的。
第二天早上，我通知了幾個親密的朋友，沒有告知一些沒有能力處理這種悲劇，也沒有告知自己已經足夠麻煩的人。我是一個很堅強的人，總喜歡幫助別人，但不接受其他幫助，因為我知道我能做到這一點。湯姆知道我的個性。他惹惱了很多次，但他讓我成為我自己。他也是一個強烈個性，在某種程度上我們很像相。
對於我們的婚姻26年來，我們都愛做我們自己有信趣的事。湯姆忙於音樂，他已經習慣午夜12點後睡覺。我得去上班，早上7點一定要起床。湯姆妥協去睡覺時間到晚上11:30。我們總是同時去睡，平時他先按摩我的背部直到我睡著。醒來也是同時。我不習慣自己睡覺的，誰可以幫助。每個人都有自己的時間表。我不知道該怎麽辦，不知何故，在我尋找朋友的名子時，在我停在一個名字前。我們已好久沒聯係了。我打電話給她，告訴她湯姆昨晚離開了我。她立即說："我馬上來." 那是多麽驚人的？TOM在幫我。我知道你們會做相同的，但你們有自己的事情做。弗蘭是我親愛的朋友和同事，一個聰明和堅強的女人。她開車45英裏來安慰和陪伴我。我不知道她2天後要去看望她在舊金山的兒子。她有許多準備工作要做。我相信湯姆安排了，他知道我不能在家裏一個人。莉莉，她也是一個聰明和強大的女性了。我們通過購買房地產認識。我通常不尋求幫助，但我請莉莉來幫助，晚上陪我，當我得知弗蘭要去舊金山10天 。
弗蘭和我整理了客廳，書房準備晚上她好睡覺。
(三)
我總是告訴湯姆"我依然美麗"。"是的，因為我愛你." 湯姆總是這樣說。這是真的，我突然老了十年。我不能想太多東西，但我不能停止思考我的職責。母親是最後一個人我需要擔心。我知道在她的年齡，她已經學會把什麽事情都看淡了。
雖然TOM的身體是不與我在一起，但我仍然擔心湯姆。他的精神是和我在一起的。我還是要做他喜歡的方式，如果這些事和他有關。我可以叫GLORIA的幫助或我的侄女軍毅的幫助，但我不能。他們知道。我很難滿足，我有我的方式去做事。我是一個不安常理出牌的人。
我想很多朋友可能會問這兩個人怎麽會愛對方;他們倆有這麽強烈的個性。湯姆怎麽能和我一起26年，仍然關心和愛我的。我不是一個容易相處的人;唯一的優點是任何場合我不把我的利益高於他人。如果我不喜歡的事，或者不會做的事，我不怕說出來。
湯姆希望火化。在他走前一周他問我,"你會做什麽." 我說, 和你一樣火化把骨灰撒到大海。他說："我不舒服骨灰在海洋中，但我不想再回到馬薩諸塞州。" 馬薩諸塞州是湯姆的家鄉和家庭有購買了很久以前的大型墓地。我說："那就不回去了。" 我應該怎麽做，放在庭院或就像有人放在客廳。不，這些都不是好主意。骨灰是紀念品。我祈禱，頓時我心裏想到可以去玫瑰山莊，這是對所有生命紀念品的地方。我以前還想給別人多留一點空間。現在，Tom希望用它，我們就去玫瑰山莊。我告訴湯姆，我們將去玫瑰山莊，我們會在一起。他喜歡，我做了一個夢，他拉我說："讓我們來看看新房子。"
玫瑰山莊打來電話，安排在周二安排一切。感謝DAVE，他不得不作出努力采取半天離開他的工作。我知道他的上司是一個不容易相處的人。有DAVE和我在一起，讓我感覺好多了，像有一個兒子在我旁邊。 DAVE和我也是通過看房子認識。那是很多年前，他還是一個學生與他的同學來看房。那個時候，他們有4個同學跟我看房。我甚至不記得誰是誰。DAVE做得很正確，他畢業後當他開始找工作時聯係很多人。我是他聯係的人之一，並幫助他找到了一份工作，而且一直工作到現在。
湯姆說了, "我不希望有葬禮，我不想防腐"。我不知道英文的防腐，也沒問他。唯一的話記得是沒有葬禮。我應該怎麽做，怎麽可能讓湯姆就是這樣去了。安年齡來算，我知道湯姆會比我走得更早。安我的想法，我要在一個大禮堂或一個大餐館有一個追思會與管弦樂隊。但現在，沒有什麽準備，湯姆並沒有躺在床上三四個月。他並沒有失去他的記憶。他是如此的犀利，直到最後一刻。當玫瑰山的工作人員問我"你想防腐" "這是什麽意思？;如果你想要一個開放棺材的葬禮，一定要經過防腐處理。我恍然大悟，為什麽湯姆說，沒有葬禮。我馬上感到放鬆了，因為我們可以有葬禮的追悼會，隻是不打開棺材。這是一個節日，聖誕假期，新年的期間，很多人已經安排休假。我要馬上安排追思會，要不大家都要出城。 12月27日是星期六，是可行的日子。" 有一個好的禮堂可用嗎？"我問。女孩說："讓我看看"。是的，HILLSIDECHAPELIS AVARIABLE。時間地點都很好，如此巧合。 "湯姆，你為自己安排了嗎?" 我想。湯姆會很高興。DAVE和他的妻子已經安排休假，但他今天能陪我，我已經非常滿足了。
我們按排了花魁，退伍軍人的服務和其他一切必要的業務。
如果有人參觀玫瑰山莊，你不會相信這是一處公墓。它是如此的美麗有山有水石牌都是躺在地上（現在有立的是為滿足東方人的需要，但隻能立在靠山邊）。為了滿足亞洲文化，他們甚至改變他們的門牌號為3888。墓地有3個選項，最好的，一般，還有可接受的。我說讓我們先看查最好的。一旦我們看到了最好的，我說，我們就買這一個，因為最好的還沒有那麽理想。因為多年前，我的姑姑的墓地也在這兒，好高，看得到LOS ANGELES。玫瑰山莊有這麽多土地，但每一時隻開發了幾個地段。如果不提前買，在最後一刻買隻能有什麽買什麽。
土地不是太糟糕;它是一個非常開放的區域，在山坡上也可以看到遠處的洛杉磯。就是沒有姑媽那塊好
幸運的很，我們有28人參加湯姆的追悼會。湯姆和我都沒有做太多的社交活動。如果我們有追悼會我們都認為沒有太多的人會來參加。
折疊美國國旗是在追思會第一個步驟，非常莊嚴。湯姆的同學和老師作了講話，講述TOM在學校給小年青的鼓勵。他的侄子EDDIE和他的好朋友BERNARDO（一個92歲的老教授）的女兒也作了講話。當然TOM有很多音樂界的朋友，我一個也沒叫。他們是一定要辦音樂會的我沒有精神去打理。洛雷娜和軍誼代表我說了話，她們分別用英文和中文代我表達了對TOM的思念。追思會之後，在中國人的傳統，每個人都必須去餐館吃一頓飯才回到自己的家。我們去了一個廣式當地餐館，食物質量很好。我想TOM一定滿意我們所作的全體安排。謝謝和我一起和作的同伴們。
對我來說，這整個49天是最困難的。首先，聖誕節假期到了。我們正準備去OJA INN度聖誕節，從洛杉磯150英裏的地方，在加利福尼亞州。我不能帶著我的破碎的心開車這麽遠，但我在帕薩迪納市附近預訂了最好的酒店。我訂了兩天，以紀念湯姆的願望。我知道他不會要我坐在家裏哭。我把湯姆的最後使用的物品（助聽器，氧氣管頭，他睡覺的帽子）我留在酒店兌現他的假期願望。我把OJAI預訂給了EDDIE和Debbie。我希望他們能享受美麗的旅館，並帶著湯姆的願望，但EDDIE認為太貴難以接受。他取消了預訂。我很不高興，後來他還是去了就是沒有住。
湯姆和我一直喜歡高品質的酒店。我們去優勝美地，我們留在裏麵最好的酒店，通常大部分人都不願意支付因為其他酒店也可以住。我們去了塞多納和箭頭湖，我們一直在尋找高品質的酒店。我們的一起旅行了很多地方，像意大利深度遊，阿拉斯加，墨西哥遊船去了很多次。
GLORIA 請我們（我和媽媽）平安夜晚餐，第二天聖誕節帶我們去了賭場。非常難過的每一刻，可能是我太軟弱，失去伴侶的我不是第一個。幸運的是GLORIA告訴我一個遊戲“CANDY CRUSH”。這是當TOM 離開後，幫助我度過了第49天的時間。我不停地玩兩個手機，一個平板。我的左手手腕似乎使用過度了。現在，我試圖恢複它。
湯姆知道我不能自己留住。弗蘭，莉莉雙方隻有很短的時間幫助。盧奇在周末來陪我。艾米莉我最親愛的朋友同我媽媽一樣的年齡，但她以前是一個的運動員，充滿活力，對生活的熱愛。84歲仍然在尋找愛情。她表示願意陪我幾個晚上。小南和他的母親，通過另一位朋友認識，他們陪我住了兩個月。
謝謝抗焦慮丸（小劑量），今天我活了下來。什麽是下一個計劃，我還不知道。我會離開它湯姆的手。他知道什麽是最適合我的。我不做8小時工作了。我不能有和以前相同的時間表。我不能回到家手頭有多餘的錢，卻沒有人。我想嚐試一些我喜歡做的事。現在，湯姆的社會保障的幫助和我的儲蓄，我相信我能夠生存沒有問題。
我參加了一個大學的室內設計課程，並打算拿一個學位。我不知道這個專業可以為生，但我知道我在班裏的前5名。
湯姆並沒有走;他隻是以不同的方式存在。我知道他有他自己的議程。當我跟我的心靈師貝爾納黛特，她說，"湯姆說，我35了，我有我的全部身體。你必須學會自己生活。" 是的，我必須學會自己生活。在過去的26年裏，我和湯姆沒有建立一座宮殿，但我們也建立了我們的小巢。我們很高興住在這裏，並高興擁有對方。我們隻是一個兩人之家，但是我們住像8人的家庭，他是父親，兒子，丈夫和情人。我是母親，女兒，妻子和情人。他走了，我失去了4個人。日複一日這是非常困難的，如果你從來沒有在這種情況下，你不明白。
生活永遠不會同湯姆在一起的時候一樣。時間會治愈一切。沒有他在我身邊我必須生存。
我愛你，湯姆，為你的所有成就而驕傲。我很高興嫁給你，湯姆。
(本文作者枋和她的已故先生湯姆)
English Version
Thomas S Cortez and His wife Fang (Tom’s wife)
written by Jia Fang
It was a sunny Saturday on Dec 20, 2014. The hospice team (a type last stage sickness patient service fund by federal) had stopped for 24 hours monitoring on Tom's sickness. One of the bath service man, Oscar, was here for helping to clean him. Actually, not too much Oscar could do, I had done everything, I never let any dirty diaper to stay on him. In fact, Tom used diapers only for two days.
A month ago, he was active with his automobile class in Citrus College. Tom bought expensive test equipment and many other tools to practice his knowledge learn from school, he planned to use it for few months. Even he was looking for a small old Toyota truck for practice only.
He had brought strong attention to emergency room until my cousin Gloria and her professional colleagues told him, that due his illness he must pay full attention under doctor care, if not his life could be ended.
I remember that day we went to Kaiser, he brought his homework and books with him when we went to emergency room on Nov 13, 2014. He always tells me "I am ok, it will be better next week. " The only thing he requested was "we need a stair lift; it is too hard for me to walk to second floor." I did install a stair lift, on the day he went back home on Nov 18, 2014
Oscar checked his blood pressure used wrist blood pressure check equipment. We only have arm check equipment. I thought it is much easier if we have one. I called Mom came over to watch Tom, so I could go to nearby store find wrist blood pressure equipment.
Earlier this morning, Lorena and her husband came to visit Tom. Tom was so happy to had conversation with Lorena and her husband who came from Egypt. Somehow, Tom love the Middle East culture, I guess he was from Middle East in one of his life.
Rhine and her husband also visited Tom after lunch, Tom was so happy to speak to these new wedded couple. Tom loved to share his philosophy with young people. Every time, we went to parties, I never mind he talk to any young girls or men because he had so much knowledge to share, it would be wasted if not share.
The equipment from CVS was not good at all; I could not test Tom&39;s blood pressure from the wrist (maybe that is a warning, I did not know because Oscar was here a few hours ago and he looked so well at that moment). Tom kept asking me "Anywhere to find a temperature measure?" I know we had one I brought from China 26 years ago. It was working, but I could not find now. I had no time to look for one since he was not be able to manage himself. I had to ask CVS staff when I was buying the wrist blood pressure equipment, they told me it is summer item, not carry in winter season. Home depot may have one.
I asked Tom, could I go to Home depot to get one. He said"no problem, I am fine." He looked so well today, happy to spoke to young men and happy to hear the Hospice said he is fine.
After drink two spoon vegetable broth, he looked very well. We started to watch TV. The TV was bought 3 days ago. We had a few small TV, but Tom said he would like to have a smaller TV on his bedside since he had to stay on this condition for 3 or 4 months. He believed his condition will improve in a few months and getting better after that. During these 26 years, I never deny Tom&39;s needs, neither he never ask any unreasonable request. Anything he thought is necessity and if I thought is not necessity; he found a way to earn it.
I knew his health was going down, that was reason I brought him to Chinese doctor since June his feet was swelling. Tom was working with his doctor in VA and Kaiser for his multiple-myeloma. 2 weeks ago, we had argument in front of his doctor in Kaiser, because Tom thought his doctor could heal him, in fact I heard doctor said "I am worried, I am worried, your number is not going down it is going up". I believed we need to change our treatment straightedge. Tom ignored doctor&39;s statement; he believed his diarrhea caused by stomach infection. I am not a doctor, but I guessed the diarrhea caused by escalating swelling from legs to intestinal. At that time, his kidney only function 25%, but he went to see the kidney doctor during summer time. The doctor sent him back to Myeloma doctor. Myeloma doctor was on vacation. When the treatment started, it has been 3 months delay and his school work consumed more his strength to fighter with sickness.
Is that everyone has date to end life one way the other?
Ok, we were search for the TV 2 nights before from website Sears, Target, Wal-Mart and Fry&39;s. Tom said:"How about Amazon?" " &
Amazon is not good, it takes two days delivery." I said. I found Fry&39;s had 15 inch small TV. Fry&39;s was not too far from where we live. "Tom, is ok I go to buy TV, you could stay by yourself?" I asked. "Yes, no problem." It was around 7pm, I did not call Mom to come over, because Tom looked very well. He was just released by Hospice from 24 hour monitor care. I knew Tom said ok that mean he is ok because he always tell true. He is a simple man with a lot of knowledge. Remember one upon time, I worked as an accountant in an office in Beverly Hills. My boss asked me brings some print paper to home, because she did not use so much paper than other lawyer office. Tom saw it and told me "Do not do it anymore, the paper is for office use only."
I brought home the TV, that was a return item, but I did not have any choice, this was the only one in the store. I did not have time to run around.
Somehow, I had in the back of my mind. Tom is in very bad condition. On Dec 13, 2015, we left Kaiser Hospital because the doctor told us "We do not have any more treatment for you. There is no stomach infection at all." "Then, why do you not issue a hospice?" I asked, the doctor said "Yes, we could issue hospice, but you cannot use any aggressive treatment." We never had any aggressive treatment, if we did, Tom may never survived 4 years from first diagnosed second stage of Multiple-Myeloma. Tom might also realize his health was in very bad condition because he told me tell his sister about his condition. In front of me, he always said "Do not worry, it is not my time. I will survive another two years." I did not realize he tried to not make me sad. Tom's health was always very good, even in April his blood test number was all good. His heart was in very good condition for his age. After he left hospital, we had two days in a roll to check out nearby buffet to test what Tom could eat. He enjoyed the sunshine California weather and my companion. Was it too late? He had run around for his music since he was five years old until he diagnosed Multiple-Myeloma. Those entire successful careers only go with his generation. Performances with big starts, 12 years union arbitrator, all just on the pictures. That is your own treasure not others. He was a nonstop human been. He transferred his interest to automobile that was one of his interesting in pass, but no time for it. He helped his uncle auto shop at age of 12. The memory was clear and wanted to re-get into this adventure at age of 79.
Although, I was not encourage him take this adventure because I believed this is not good for his health, the car dirty air may trigged his illness. I wanted he could start to write his life. He insisted to do automobile interest, I did not stop him. We had always respected each other ideas and interest. We both believe one only live in this life once, you should live for yourself not for others and what is good you live longer but not do the things you want to do.
I bought back 15 inch TV with no box. Tom was happy to have fun on it. His hand was still stronger enough to adjust TV. We set the TV up and it was working well.
Tonight, the channel 5-2 was on Marilyn Monroe movies week. Tom had set TV in right angle to view more comfortable in the afternoon. His arm was still strong. I sat on his bed side and our hands hold each other. He was talking which restaurant we could go if he getting better next week. Once a while, he used his hands touched my back and gave me a little message that just as he did during our entire marriage. My back spine had issues before I marry Tom. The issue disappeared after Tom gave me message 10 to 15 minutes every night. It had stopped a few months ago. I guess Tom does not want me feel so much lost if he had to go. We were so much enjoyed each other in a peace and comfortable night. During the TV commercial, we still talked about our planed vacation in Ojai inn on Christmas vacation. Most time, I love to arrange Christmas to visit some nearby city because we do not have big family get together. I like to take advantage to enjoy the tourist place decoration. We were planned to rent a big car that Tom could comfortable sit in and easier to get out. "Edie could help to take care of me to the car." Tom said. Edie is Tom&39;s nephew. He is only one live in California and all other relative was live nearby Tom&39;s home town Springfield Massachusetts. Tom often tells others he is Puerto Rican. In fact, that was most successful career in his life in Puerto Rico. After he got his Boston university administration degree 1959, he went to Puerto Rico to get his music degree. At age 30, Tom had two bachelor degrees at 60
and a successful band performed at best hotel in Puerto Rico. Who will not pride himself? I always said "I love you." As I know today, "I am proud of you" is much more important to Tom. A man required more pride and respect. Although I have been living in US for 26 years, English has not reach to 9 grade student. Simple communication and professional communication were reached that thought just enough to me. I missed to tell the person I love dearly to him the words he most wants to hear.
The movie should end on 11:30 pm; the plot was getting into intense. A wife was trying to murder her husband. A few minutes ago, Tom said he want to sit up, I worked very hard to manage him up little better. I guess he had a little difficult time breathing, but he did not realize. He was still talking to me. I hoped he will get better day by day. I would not mind take care of him rest of my life. We were discussint to quit my job in March 2015 on November 2014. Tom was surprised "Why?" he asked during our conversation at November. Finally, I decided to stop work at end of January 2015. I had managed to take the day off every Friday to take Tom to see his doctor during end Nov to Dec. His sickness was getting more critical after we learned his Multiple-Myeloma went to Kidney. I had decided to stop work after Dec 13, but I had to give training on Thursday Dec 18. On Thursday, Tom was not feeling well the hospice called for 24 hours monitor. I canceled the training class on that day.
Suddenly, Tom said "Fang, did you turn off the air." Tom was using the oxygen. Immediately, I realized it was serious problem for Tom's health, because the oxygen was on. I said "Hold on Tom, I call 911 now"; but I saw his eyes were open and straight look at front, Mouth open and want to say something, but could not speak up. I know he want to say "That is it? Life just like this ended?" "Tom hold on, hold on, I love you." His body just clubbed back on bed (was sit with pillows on back). I saw him nod his head when he heard I said "I love you." Could he heard, could he still nod his head? My psychic said his body echo when I said I love you.
I called hospice, it was agreed not call 911 when have emergency when we signed hospice. The other side responded but immediately the music is on. It means they were trying allocating a nurse. I called 911 immediately when I heard music used another phone. The hospice nurse back on phone also, but he was 40 miles away. I went back try to rescue Tom. No response at all. 911 came with 3 minutes. There is no heart beat from the machine. "He is gone, madam." "Would you try something, please?" The 911 doctor saw a piece pink card lay on desk, and on the pink card was written no extreme treatment when the heart stops. In US, when you were in last stage of life, hospital wants the patience to make decision for how they want to be treated. Tom and I both agree, it is no need put on breath machine and heart beat machine for days if the own heart is not working anymore. I beg the doctor try use the electric shock. The doctor said "The patient has signed not to do it." I did not know this is including in extreme treatment.
That is it. Tom is gone. I was crying and hold his back, but my mind was still clear what I need to do. The 911 team tried to call police; the police need to be involved if anyone dies at home (I am glad we did not buy life insurance, it will made so complicated if the insured person dies at home and only beneficiary stay with the issuer ). Tom said "no funeral" for him. I could not just let him go only by my side. It was at night 11:30. I thought at least has two Son and one Daughter. We do not have any children; I call his nephew Edie, my good friend Dave, both those live 40 miles away. I called my cousin Gloria whom Tom always calls her my sister. Not too long, Edie and his close friend Debbie, Dave and his wife Rebecca, Gloria with her daughter Junyi, and my mother, all arrived. I know Tom was looking from somewhere, he would satisfy to see so many loved ones to say good bye to his body.
Tom left in a dignity with US flag covered as blanket and a new car. What was a coincident he had a new car to Rose Hill (a cemetery and funeral service business). Tom loves car so much, he had Cadillac built at 1968 for years. We had only 2 cars parking garage, but we always have 3 to 4 cars.
My heart is breaking in million pieces, but my world is not fall apart because I know I will have so much to take care of. I was not prepared at all. We had stair lift installed a month ago for Tom easier to get upstairs. I had bought many soft cloths for Tom swelling legs. I was constantly to try rent a large luxury car to take on vacation with Tom. Life with Tom should not be end now. I was crying and do not think how to live. Tonight, I was with my mother, but I like to go home, I believe Tom will be back to looking for me in some format.
Next morning, I informed a few close friends and did not inform those one nothing could handle this tragedy or someone had own problems. I am a strong person, always like to help others, but not accept other help because I know I could do it. Tom knows my personality. He was annoyed many times, but he let me be myself. He had a strong personality two, somehow we worked it out.
For our marriage 26 years, we all love to do our own interest. Tom was busy for music, most of the time he goes to bed after 12am. I have to go to work at 7am. Tom compromised to go bed at 11:30pm. We always go to bed at same time, usually he put me sleep first by massaging my back. Wake up same time also. I am not used to sleep by myself at all, who could help. Everyone has own schedule.
I do not know what to do, somehow I stopped in one name while I searched my contact in my cell, I called her and told her Tom was passed last night. She immediately said "I come now." Is that amazing? I know all of you will do same, but you have something to do at that particular moment. Fran is my dear friends and co-worker, a smart and strong woman. She drove 45 miles away to companion me. I did not know she supposed to visit her son in San Francisco in 2 days. She had much preparation to do. I believe Tom was arranged, he knows I could not stay by myself at home. Lily called she helped me last Thursday. Lily, she is another smart and strong women too. We know each other through buying real estate. I usually do not ask for help, but I asked Lily to come at night to stay with me after I learn Fran has to go 10 days in San Francisco.
Fran and I clear the home immediately to make living room functional and made study room ready for her to sleep.
I always tell Tom "I am still beautiful." "Yes, because I love you." Tom always responded this way. That was true, I suddenly aged ten years. I could not think too much anything but I could not stop thinking about the rest of my responsibilities. Mother was the last person I need to worry. I know at her age, she has learn to take it easy about everything.
I was still worry about Tom although physically his is not with me but his spirit is with me and want me do everything the way he like it. I could ask Gloria&39;s help or my niece Junyi&39;s help, but I could not. They know. I am very particular, everything that is personal I have to do it my way.
I guess many surround friends have learned how these two will love each other; both them have so strong personality. I wondered how Tom could live with me and still care and loves me. I am not an easy person to live with; the only strong benefit to surround me is I am not put my benefit first in any occasion. If I do not like it or will not do it, I am not afraid to speak out.
Tom had wished to cremate his body. He asked me in last week, "What will you do". I said same as you and the ash will go to the ocean. He said I am not comfortable to put ash in the ocean, but I do not want to go back to Massachusetts. Massachusetts is Tom home state and the family had a large cemetery that bought long time ago. I said "it is ok, not to go back." What should I do, put on patio or just like someone put into living room. No, All these are not good idea. The ash is pass live souvenir. I played, suddenly I thought just put into Rose Hill, which is the place for all pass life souvenir. I thought to save a space for someone else in the future. Now, Tom wants, we are going to use it. I told Tom we are going to Rose Hill and we will be together. He like it and I had a dream he pull me say let's check the new house.
Rose Hill called and arranged in Tuesday for arrangement everything. Thanks for Dave, he had make the effort to take half day off from his work. I know his supervisor is a not an easy person. I had Dave with me and made me feel much better, just like have a son next to me. Dave and I also know each other through viewing a house. It was many years ago, he was a student go with his classmate to check properties. That time, they had 4 students with me. I even did not remember who is who. Dave did right thing, he contact many people after graduate from university when he start to look for a job. I am the one of contact and helped him started work until now.
Tom specific said I do not want to have funeral, I do not want to embalming. I did not know what mean;embalm and did not ask. The only words were no Funeral. What should I do and how could let Tom go just like that. I knew Tom will go earlier than me if go with the age, I have thought to have a memorial service with an orchestra in a large restaurant. But now, nothing prepared, Tom did not lie on bed three or four months. He did not lose his mind. He was so sharp until the last moment. When the Rose Hill staff asked me "do you want embalming?" "What does that mean?" "If you want an open casket funeral, must be embalmed." I suddenly realized why Tom said no funeral. I was so relieved, because we can have funeral a memorial service, just not open casket.
It was a holiday season, many people has scheduled to vacation. I have to schedule immediately. Dec 27 is Saturday. It is possible; someone has come back from Christmas vacation or ready go for new year. I said want to have memorial service on Dec 27
, Tom want cremation done as soon as possible, we had talk about before his health go down and other good friend died. Both of us believe we are a real spirit been, the body just like a piece cloths on our spirit been. It is used and was out, let go. "Do you have a good Chapel available?" I asked. The girl said:" let me check" "Yes, the Hillside has opening on morning." It is so perfect. "Tom, are you scheduling for yourself?" I thought. Tom will be happy. It is on time and everyone that needs to be there will be available. Dave and his wife had scheduled a vacation long time ago, but he managed come with me today. It is good enough for me.
We arranged flowers, veteran’s service and other necessary business.
If anyone visited Rose Hill, you would not believe this is a cemetery. It is so beautiful with majority head stone lay on ground. For satisfy Asia culture, they even change their address number to 3888, and the option to have standard head stone in side of the mountain. There are 3 options for the land, best, so, so and acceptable. I said let’s check the best first. Once we saw the best, I said we just buy this one because the best is not good as many years my auntie’s grave yard. Rose Hill has so much land, but only develops a few lots at time. If you do not buy ahead, the best just at that moment what they have.
The land is not too bad; it is on a very open area and on the hill. You can see far away the Los Angeles.
Luckily we had 28 people to attend Tom's memorial service. Tom and I do not do too many social activities. We both thought that not too many people would come to our funeral if we have one.
Fold of the American Flag was the first procedure in the service. Tom&39;s classmate and teacher made speech, his nephew Eddie and his good friend Burnedo&39;s daughter also made speech. Lorena and Junyi represent me, they made English and Chinese speech. After memorial service, at Chinese tradition, everyone must go to a restaurant for a meal before back to their own home. We had big good one in a local restaurant.
To me these entire 49 days was difficult. First it came holiday came Christmas. We were planning to go Ojai inn in California, Ojai where 150 miles from Los Angeles. It is too far to drive with my broken heart, but I booked nearby best hotel longhand in Pasadena. I booked for two days to honor Tom’s wish. I knew he would not want me to sat home cry. I took Tom"s last used items (healing pads, oxygen head and his sleeping hat that he did not wear in his last day) with me to stay in the hotel to honor his vacation wish. I gave the Ojai inn reservation to Edie and Debbie. I hope they could enjoy the beautiful inn and take Tom’s wish but Edie thought too expensive to accept. He canceled the reservation. I was so upset, later he went to a day trip.
Tom and I always enjoy good quality hotel. We went to Yosemite and we stay inside best hotel that usually most people are not willing to pay. We went to Sedona and lake arrowhead, we were always looking for good quality hotel. We were travel to Italy, Arlask and Mexico, etc.
Gloria took us (Mom and I) for Christmas Eve dinner and went to the casino together in Christmas day. It was not easy for me, luckily Gloria show me a game "Candy Crash". It was the game that helped me in the first 49 days after Tom's physical body gone. I was switch two cell and one paid continues to play. My left hand wrist seams over used. Now, I am trying to recover it.
Tom knows I could not stay by myself. Fran, Lily both only have short time help. Lu will came at weekend nights. Emily my dearest friend a senior same as my mother age, but she is a great runner, full of energy for love for life. She offered to stay with me a few days. Xiao Nan and his mother who I know through another friend were needed to study English, they move with me for two months.
With the anxiety pill, I survived to today. What is next plan, I do not know yet. I will leave it on Tom&39;s hand. He knows what is best for me.
I am not working 8 hours anymore. I could not have same schedule every day because my life routine has changed. I cannot come back home with empty nest with extra money on hand. I want to try something I like to do. Now, with Tom&39;s social security help and my saving, I believe I could survive without a problem.
I have attended a college interior design program and intend to have AA degree on this subject. Could I make a living on it? I do not know, but I know I am among the top 5 in the class.
Tom is not gone; he is with me in some format. I know he has his own agenda. When I spoke to my psychic Bernadette, she said "Tom said, I am 35 now and I have my full body. You have to learn to live on your own." Yes, I have to learn to live on my own. In the last 26 years, Tom and I did not build a palace, but we did built our small nest. We were happy to live here and happy to have each other. We were only a family of two, but we lived like a family of 8. He is father, son, husband and lover. I am mother, daughter, wife and lover. He is gone, I lost 4. Day by day it is very difficult, if you were never in this situation, you were not understood.
Life will never be same as with Tom. Time will heal everything. I must go on without him.
I love you, Tom, and proved you all achievement in your this life. I am happy to marry you, Tom.
知性的櫻兒，我當時看完此篇與你一樣粉色情感的塌陷淚如雨下。。。
生活中因為我們有愛：婚姻是承擔、是責任、是尊敬、是平淡、是理解、是一個你濃我濃的家。走在這樣婚姻裏的人是幸福的，當一個伴侶先行而去，通透澄澈的靈魂卻依然梟梟，誰不說這是婚姻的最美詩篇～～～
多謝櫻兒多情的留言和祝福，讓每一個粉色的愛情故事都相濡以沫，魂牽夢縈！
一陣風鈴叮當響，一篇留言紐約來，一語直言女漢子，一份真情雨雪螎。
啊、啊、啊...紐一MM空降寒舍把心雨的小心髒嚇得蹦蹦直跳，MM投資理財果粉迷，文字幽默好才情。看見你們在花生園玩得不亦樂乎，妒嫉、羨慕 、恨，定是沒了心雨的插足之地，哈。。。
MM觀察仔細，自己從一開博就把寫字台搬走了，平時太沒時間了，關了留言清靜了許多自然也失去與大家交流的樂趣，真的很抱歉！今天的留言為枋而開。
令人喜出望外知道，自己營養不良的文章還有MM這樣活躍網友跟讀，心雨敬謝不敏。
“雪影”也是我非常喜歡和熟悉的網友，MM慧眼有貌似她新的lD出現嗎？讓我們祝福她！
多謝MM對枋的祝福，讓我們在平凡的生命中用生生不息的筆墨寫盡美好未來。
祝紐一MM在五月的花香裏新周玩博快樂！
一直跟讀你的文章，非常欣賞。
非常讓人感動的故事。又不是專職作家，誰在乎個別文法與錯字。
再次謝謝分享。
雖然“雪影”這個ID消失了，但又貌似有新的ID出來了。我好喜歡讀你的，還有她的有靈魂的文章！
Best of wishes to Fang.
分享是一種美麗的心境，你，我，他／她的故事是我們平淡生活可以激起漣漪的心波，讓我們走得更遠，心胸更寬。
多謝大家讀文理解，寬容支持！
枋35歲認識湯姆時已是“老姑娘了”，次年結婚，婚姻維持了26年直到湯姆去了音樂的天堂這也是去年年底的事了，聰明的讀者sbs能知道枋幾歲了嗎？
與枋中文交流完全沒有問題，但習作中母語的詞不達意和有些錯字我也注意到了，為了尊重原作者，我就這麽post上來了，在此給大家造成的誤解和不便，心雨表示深深的抱歉。
多謝您讀文，希望我的注解使您有所釋然。
玫瑰，你的感覺是真實的，枋和美國先生結婚26年，思維是英語式的在先。枋為了給朋友們一個交代為什麽3個月沒有和大家交往，寫了這篇英語小文，轉發時也有些錯字。中文是從 Google 翻譯再作修改，談不上一篇文學作品,而是分享我們的理念，特別是"不聽我話的老公不是好老公, 不給我化錢的老公不是好老公" 的概念不是婚姻的唯一標準。夫妻間學會理解、包容、互讓、共識、相持，生活中總有比財富更能讓人快樂的幸福。
多謝玫瑰讀文留言，我也想起三年前剛提筆寫中文，生疏了二十年的母語都是寫成英語翻譯過來的，且至今我的計算計也沒有中文寫字軟件，常感歎：自己英語沒學好，中文卻忘了錯不多了。
文城讀者品味高雅，讓我們在分享理念的同時，提高自己的文學修養和鑒賞能力使更多新手有成長的空間。
Thank you for your blessing !