成熟與成長

編輯：Futureglory

前言：人生就是一張單程列車， 隻有向前。人到中年，曆經多事，我常常覺得自己到了40幾歲才明白許多道理，內心才一天天更新。聖經裏的雅各書，教給我如何做一個成熟的人。你如果沒有讀過，不妨讀一讀。
成熟的人的五個標誌：

1。成熟的人在逆境中保持樂觀。
2。成熟的人對人敏感，愛人如己。
3。成熟的人能製服自己的舌頭，說讓人受益的話。
4。成熟的人製造和平，不製造麻煩。
5。成熟的人能夠忍耐和禱告。



下麵這篇文章，是一個24歲的年輕人寫的， 摘自譯言網。
我24歲，住在印度喜馬拉雅山北部，作為西藏其中一位令人尊敬的佛學講師的私人聽眾。告訴了他，我有多依賴我媽媽之後，他直視我的眼睛，笑了笑，溫柔地說，“嗯，你現在要成長了”。再沒有任何七個詞更加讓我那麽震撼了。

This post is dedicated to all you people out there who are struggling with bitter sweet agony of growing up. I hope it gives you something to think about.

這篇文章謹獻給那些為成長痛並快樂著的人們，我希望它能夠讓你們有所思考。

John Mayer and the train that can never stop

John Mayer和一列永不停息的火車

If you follow me on Twitter you will probably know that I am a fan of John Mayer. John is one of those rare artists that has an innate ability to put certain life situations into words. In fact, before I started listening to Mayer I would have argued that many of these emotions, desperate mental dramas and secret inner quandaries were unable to be described in ordinary language. They are simply too experiential to be categorized.

如果你在Twitter上關注過我的話，你可能知道我是John Mayer的一個粉絲。John是那些擁有將特定生活轉為文字天賦的少有藝術家之一。實際上，在我開始關注Mayer之前，我一直都覺得許多的情緒，絕望的精神戲劇，還有神秘的內心困惑都不能夠用普通的語言進行描述。因為它們非常簡單，太具有經驗性而不可以被單純歸類。

But John manages to. John reconnects me to those mental places with his lyrics. He does it time and time again. And although I am desperately trying to avoid these emotions (because they hurt), I find myself listening to Mayer again and again because it reminds me I am not unique. These emotions are, for the most part, universal to all humans. I have to thank John for that.

但是John就達成了。John用他的歌詞讓我和那些精神場所相連。他一次又一次的這麽做了，並且盡管我拚命地想避免這種情緒（因為它們讓我心痛），但是我發現自己還是一遍遍聽著Mayer的歌聲，因為它提醒我，自己並不是獨一無二的那一個。這種情緒大在極大程度上對所有人都是普遍的。我得為此謝謝John。

One John Mayer song that is not particularly critically acclaimed or even well liked amongst his fans is called Stop This Train. It is a song that, whenever I hear it, sends me back to that terrifying place of knowing that, really, we are alone growing up in this world. But, at the same time, it connects you with a feeling of hope because you aren’t the only one in that situation.

John Mayer有一首叫做《停下這輛列車》的歌，這首歌並不特別批判地稱讚，甚至都在粉絲中不那麽受歡迎，卻是一首，無論什麽時候我聽到，都會將我拉回真正意識到自己正在這個世界上孤獨地成長的可怕境界。但是，與此同時，它也以一種希望的感覺將你連接，因為同處這一狀況的並不單單隻有你一個。

I ask everyone reading this post to watch an incredible solo performance of John singing this song here while taking a look at the lyrics here. Take five minutes out of your day to experience this song and everything it means to you because it gives this article a lot of context.

我希望每一個正在讀這篇文章的人可以看看John那首歌精彩絕倫的獨唱表演，然後讀讀歌詞。花5分鍾的時間體會一下這首歌還有它所提及的一切對你來說意味著什麽，因為歌曲給與了這篇文章很多的語境。

Crying, driving away in the dark

痛哭，在黑暗中離開

There comes a point in everyone’s life when they realize there is no turning back. In the song Mayer uses the metaphor of driving away from his parents house, crying, in the dark. We have all had that moment. It might have been when you moved out or when you realized that you could beat your dad at table tennis. For a lot of people it manifests as an extremely empty and hollow realization.

當你意識到已經沒有可以回轉的餘地時，這裏便有了那個人人生活中的觀點。在歌曲中，Mayor用到了他從父母住處駕車離開，在黑暗中痛哭的暗指。我們大家都有這般類似的體會。它可能會產生於當你搬出去住，或是你在乒乓球對決中擊敗了老爸的時候。對於許多人來說，像極度空虛和空洞的領悟一般得以證明。

The interesting thing is that some people are more equipped for this moment than others. Some people shut down and start to compensate for this lost youth in negative ways. Others embrace it and look forward to the future. Some people do both. But this moment is pivotal because it is the start of your adulthood. How you deal with this moment has a lot to do with whether you ever really grow up at all – and a lot of people don’t.

很有趣的是，為了此刻一些人比其他人做了更多的武裝。有一些人會與過去隔絕，並且開始用一種消極的方式補償自己失去的青春。另一些人呢，則會迎接這一時刻，並且期盼著幸運降臨。還有一些人則會兩種方法兼顧。但是這一時刻真的非常關鍵，因為這是你成年的起點。你如何處理這一時刻，與你能否真正成長息息相關---很多人也其實並沒有這麽做過。

How to move forward and grow up

如何前進和成長

I am not professing to have all the answers. I still struggle all the time with the idea that I am no longer at home with my mum eating her cooking and asking her for $10 to buy lunch with. I still struggle with the fact that she is going to die one day.

我並不保證會給出所有的答案。因為我現在仍舊都時常會糾結於我不在呆在家裏和媽媽一起吃她做的飯菜並要10塊錢買午餐的想法。我也仍糾結於她終將會有走向死亡的那一天這樣的事實。

But since my conversation with that Buddhist Lama I have made some headway. I am stepping out on my own more and I am starting to enjoy it. Here are some tips on how to grow up well. Tips on how to drive away in the dark knowing that you are going to make it.

我靠我自己踏出了這一步而且我開始享受成長。這裏有一些關於如何更好成長的建議。這些建議是關於在知道了自己將要達到這一離開黑暗目標的。

1. Accept it as soon as you can

1. 盡可能快地接受它

Something you are going to need to do eventually is accept that there is no going back. You will have to accept this to grow up well. You can put it off or you can stand up tall and do it now. There is never any going back to the old days. The old days are like a dead person and you cannot revive a dead person no matter how much you long for them.

一些你需要去做的事情最終要被接受，因為再也無法回頭。你將不得不為了更好地成長而接受這一事實。你可以拖延或者也可以振作起來，立即行動。對於舊時光真的無法回頭，它就像故去的人一樣，無論你多麽渴望與他們同在，也不可能把他們複活。

I encourage everyone who is struggling to grow up to accept fact that the past is gone and it is never coming back. Move forward. Its all you have.

我鼓勵每一個糾結於成長的人來接受過去的已經過去而且一去不複返這一事實。朝前走，這才是你所要做的。

2. Give up the memory reliving

2. 放棄回憶複活

If you are a healthy adult who has dealt with the growing up process well then there is nothing wrong with a little nostalgic reminiscing. But if you are buying sports cars, having affairs, trying to relive your youth or struggling with the depression of getting old then these memories can drive you mad. You need to give them up.

如果你是一個健全的成年人，很好地處理過成長過程，那麽一小點兒的懷舊情緒是沒什麽問題啦。但是如果你買一部跑車，弄出風流韻事，嚐試再度體驗你的青春，或是糾結於變老的沮喪中，這些回憶會把你整瘋。你必須放棄它們。

One of my worst traits is that I think to much. This inability to quiet my mind was one of the main reasons I was struggling to grow up. I would constantly play out the old days in my head, wishing, praying that I could go back to high school when things were simpler. But after I was gently told to “grow up” by my teacher I decided that it was time to leave these things behind and move on. And I have never been so happy.

會考慮很多我一個最糟糕的特質。這種對思想安定的無能為力是我一直糾結於成長的主要原因之一。我會在腦海中不斷地翻出舊日時光，祈禱會重回高中，那個事事簡單的時光。但是當老師溫柔地告訴我要“長大”的時候，我決定是時候將這些時光拋在腦後，往前走了。這之後，我也變得從未有過的開心。

The best way you can do this is by starting to become a little better at mediation. You don’t have to sit on a cushion and close your eyes but you do have to start becoming friends with your mind. Learn to watch your thoughts. Learn how they arise and subside without leaving any trace at all. When you do this they cease to control you.

你做這條建議最好的一個方法就是通過開始在沉思中變得稍微好一些。你不必坐在墊子上合起雙眼，但是你需要和你的思想成為朋友。學著監控你的思想，學會在毫不留下痕跡的狀況下明白思想是如何出現，又是如何平息的。當你這樣做的時候，它們便不再控製你了。

3. Find out the cause

3. 找出原因

Often the pain associated with growing up can be linked to something else. Why are you feeling like this? Why are you missing the old days? If you can find another cause you might be able to get on top of those feelings.

通常與成長有關的痛楚會與一些別的事情有關聯。為什麽你這麽想？為什麽你懷念舊日時光？如果你能夠找到其他原因，你可能便會淩駕於那些感情之上了。

For example, if you are really stressed because you think your wife is cheating on you then, undoubtedly, you are going to be longing for the old days where life was more simple. In this situation it isn’t the growing up that is causing the problem, it is some ancillary factor. Find out what is bringing these thoughts up and deal with it as soon as possible.

打個比方，如果因為你覺得妻子對自己不忠而著實壓力很大，毋庸置疑，你會渴望原來那種更簡單的生活。在這種狀況下，並不是成長而是其他的附屬因素導致了這個問題。找到產生這種想法的原因，然後盡可能快速地進行處理。

4. Don’t recreate

4. 不要重複過去。

Trying to recreate the old days by going out with your mates all the time, skirting your responsibilities to your family, etc. is not going to solve the issue. A lot of people (men in particular) deal with the issue by not dealing with it. It is tempting here to grab you by your shirt collar and shake you while yelling, “Grow the F up man!” But of course that wouldn’t help.

試著通過和你的夥伴一直廝混在一起來重造舊日時光，逃避家庭責任等等並不是在解決問題。很多人（特別是男士）通過逃避來處理問題。真想拎起你們的衣領，喊著：“夥計，快成長起來吧！”晃著你們。但是，當然這樣做並沒什麽用。

We need to have a sense of honor in these situations by accepting the fact that we aren’t dealing with the problem very well. Trying to recreate the good ole days is not useful, nor will it make you feel better. As soon as you get in the cab to go home you will be back to that empty space. Recreating is living in the past and the past is a dead person. Remember?

在這種情況下我們需要通過接受我們並沒有很好地處理這件事兒的事實獲得一種榮譽感。試著重造好的舊時光並不奏效，也不會讓你覺得好過些。當你坐在回家的汽車駕駛座上時，你就將回到那個真空地帶。重造就是活在過去，記得嗎，過去就像已故的人一樣不可挽回。

5. Find good company

5. 找到好夥伴

You are shaped in a big way by the people around you. If you are surrounded by 30 year old men who still wear their school jackets and go out drinking every night then you are going to go down with them. If, however, you hang out with people who are making progress, living and really trying to better themselves then you too will begin to move forward.

很大程度上，你周圍的人影響著你的成型。如果你常和一群30歲了，卻還仍舊穿著校服每晚喝的醉醺醺的老男人 出去鬼混，你就會逐漸受到他們的影響。如果，不是這樣的話，你和一些經常進步，而且真正去提高自己的人在一起，你就會開始也提高自身。

Finding good company is a massive part of growing up. It is a stark and bitter day when you realize that most of your buddies from high school are assholes and that you need new mates. You feel extremely alone. You have to find new people. But you will. And when you do you will be so much better off. Of course not everyone’s buddies from school are assholes. But a lot of the time they will hold you back because, as a group, you can just stay alive in the past.

尋找好夥伴是成長中一個很龐大的部分。但你意識到你大部分高中時候的好朋友都是混蛋而你此刻需要新的夥伴的時候，真的是到了很鬱鬱寡歡而且荒涼的時刻。你感覺極度地孤單，你必須要找到新的夥伴。但是你一旦這麽做了，一定比現在這樣好多了。當然了，並不是每一個人學校裏的夥伴都是垃圾， 但是絕大部分時間他們會牽絆你，因為作為一個群體，你隻能在過去的時光裏栩栩如生。

6. Understand that things change

6. 明白事事變遷

When the 16th Karmapa was on his death bed his students asked him to sum up his life’s experience and wisdom into one small teaching. After a brief pause he turned to them and simple said, “Things change”.

當學生們懇請病榻上的十六世Karmapa將其人生經曆和智慧總結在一個很小的教義中時，在一個簡短停頓之後，老人轉向他們簡簡單單地說：“世事變遷”。

These two words are the quintessence of growing up. These two simple words summarize everything that you need to know about life. Things change and when you fail to grasp that truth you suffer. Nothing lasts and nothing stays the same. Embrace that chaos and find some peace by letting go.

這四個字正是成長的精華所在，也是你需要了解人生所有事情的最好總結。世事變遷，而且你也未能領會承受折磨的真相。世事無永恒，沒有永恒。請擁抱混亂，通過放下尋找到一些寧靜。

Conslusion

結論

So you have two options. You can fight to stop the train or you can go with it. As corny and cliche as it sounds, you really have to learn how to cope because there is no going back. Your youth is gone and all you have is now and, if you are lucky, the future. Have you grown up yet?

所以，你有兩個選擇。你可以決鬥來阻止這輛列車，或者你也可以和它一道同行。它聽起來是那麽毫無新意又陳詞濫調，你真的需要學會如何對付它，因為時光一去不複返了。你的青春已經消逝，你所擁有的就是現在，如果你幸運的話，還有未來。那麽，你成長了嗎？

If you have any advice to give anyone or if you yourself have struggled with growing up please leave a comment and share your experience. It might really help someone.

如果你有一些好的建議，或者如果你自己正糾結於成長這個問題的話，請留下評論，和我們一起分享你的經曆。這真的會很有幫助。