Typically the only adults who take anger management classes are those who are in family or marriage therapy or those who are ordered by a court of law to do so because of extreme anger problems. This is truly a shame, since every human being could benefit from learning anger management skills.
Our children are so lovable, innocent, and treasured. They bring us incredible joy with just a smile. They love us with their entire beings, and we love them with an intensity that is unique to the parent-child relationship. Yet, these same precious children can bring out the worst in us. There are times when they make us so angry that we yell, threaten, condemn, or even push, slap or hit. Afterward, we suffer. The mothers feel guilty, sad, ashamed, embarrassed, disgusted, and depleted.
The key point is: anger is as common to parenting as changing diapers. We don’t worry about the diapers, and we change them as necessary. However, few of us handle our anger well.
If you identify and understand what your automatic responses are, then you will have more power to change those actions.
- Self-Neglect, Pain, or Exhaustion
It’s common for parents to be stressed and constantly busy. They tend to their children’s needs with rarely a moment to themselves. They don’t eat tight, they don’t exercise, and they don’t get enough sleep. While unaware of what is happening, this constant caregiving and self-neglect can build into a subconscious resentment and an unmeet need for personal space. These buried emotions can be pushed to the surface. Fueled by daily parenting frustrations, they can erupt in a moment of anger.
- Lack of Motivation to NOT Get Angry
You can control your anger. You do control your anger all the time. (Like in public)
Once you acknowledge that anger is not an effective parenting response and that it can damage your relationship with your child, you will be more motivated to learn a method for controlling your outbursts.
Noise, Disorganization, Mess, and General Chaos
Six Steps to Staying Calm
1. Stop
The purpose is to catch yourself at the very start of your anger and stop your emotions from escalating our of control.
When your anger controls your words and actions, what follows will be unpleasant and ineffective. You will not teach your child what you intend to teach.
Releasing Your Anger-but Not at Your Child
Try clap your hands hard and fast.
2. Space
Now that you've stopped, you need to step away from your child.
3. Soothe
Take some time to calm and collect yourself
Breathe, TV, music, read or exercise
4. See
In order to solve the problem, you must see what is really happening. Imagine that happened to someone else. Or, on tv.
5. Specify
6. Solve
By Elizabeth Pantley the no-cry discipline solution
