Hell

Please forgive me for posting this here. It is not really a poem, more a rambling discourse of my morbid thoughts.
It is how I try to deal with, and cope with my depression. Certainly in a less self destructive manner than I have in the past.

Great love can come at a great price. Please know I would pay this price a thousand fold again and again for you. The glimpse of heaven you gave me is worth eternity in hell.


Hell
-----
I am sure i see heaven in her eyes
but then once again we part,
and my heart is torn from me,
the torment of being separated
racks my body with anguish,
then i know instead I am really in hell.

Sometimes i look at my wrist
and wonder,
Maybe i did succeed,
maybe the scar shows my death,
not a reminder of a brittle life.
Perhaps my mind is now my prison,
Madness possessing me,
Condemning me to eternity without her.

For does this not seem
to be hell on earth?
In my bitter and twisted mind
I could not possibly have dreamt
a grander punishment.
Surely this is damnation,
Where souls are left
to rot in their putrid sin and misery.

A hell, not of flames licking at my feet,
or of knives and chains, beating and burning,
but of loss and pain and anguish,
of two hearts that know love so true and deep
only to be torn apart, ripped from the warmth,
the enveloping, folding and comforting arms
of another soul that is found once in a lifetime.

Our love, our lives.
Always apart, but drawn together.
A love that binds us completely.
Yet circumstance that pushes and prods
Eternally applying pressure, Grinding and gritting
At the very marrow of our love.
Trying to separate that which must not be apart.

I cannot continue through this hell,
this wasteland of distress in my mind.
Desolation and loneliness
Are all that can be felt.
Strangely, coldness grips my heart,
In the midst of hell\'s raging inferno.
Icy tendrils pierce me, cut me,
Tearing away the flesh of my love.

I am sure I see heaven in her eyes.
As my lifeblood flows in rivulets down my arm...
And then i know i am in hell.