In Part II of this four-part series, we’ll look at the impact of marriage on women and their mental health. Just to review, research done in the 1970s claimed that married women were more depressed than single women or married men. Is that still true today? Well, the problem with that conclusion is this: Pretty much every study done over the last 30 years shows that women are simply more likely to get depressed than men. So how we can know for sure?
Well, 30 years later we know. Using data from the largest national studies ever done, researchers found that marriage reduces depression in both men and women. Here’s the skinny:
1. In studies of those continuously married versus, those single or living together, researchers found that entry into marriage significantly reduces depressive symptoms in women (and men). The other groups? No such benefit.
2. Those who were single and stable reported increases in depression over a five-year period while the married women did not.
3. Depression doesn’t seem to be a factor in who gets married. In other words, the problem of self-selection in experimental designs doesn’t appear to screw up the results.
4. In short, we now know that a stable marriage helps women with depression. Other studies show that when we look at overall mental health, married women are emotionally healthier than singles.
What about the argument that marriage is better for men than it is for women? We know that married men are far better off than single men. Granted, men may benefit from marriage even more than women, but those differences can be accounted for by the nature of male single life: the bachelor tends to have more unhealthy habits and is less likely to have emotional social support than the bachelorette. So when he marries, he steps up to a much healthier lifestyle.
Single women on the other hand, are not significantly different in their lifestyles than their married counterparts. So where do married women suffer relative to singles? In two areas: when they are in bad marriages or when they have kids. It’s as simple as that. Women in bad marriages report having trouble sleeping, feeling OK and being more stressed than women who say they are in a satisfying marriage. This is true even when studies controlled for being depressed or having kids. In other words a good marriage may contribute a lot more to a woman’s well-being than we previously thought.
As to having kids, women with young kids have more stress than women without kids. Duh! Oh, and they feel they have no time for themselves, for self-caretaking, so they report more stress. Duh, duh!
If you’re looking to have kids, be prepared for a more stressful life and more of the responsibility especially if you plan to be a single mother. If you are married and one of those lucky few who have a house husband, you’ll have more responsibility outside the home and have the privilege of feeling guilty about being a “bad mom.” There’s no winning here ladies—Marriage won’t make your life less stressful if you have young kids. Or if you have teenagers.
Conclusion: Contrary to myth, a stable marriage actually is healing for women. It reduces depression and improves overall mental health. Does it help men even more? Yeah, but who cares? And besides, what woman didn’t know that?
In Part III we’ll look at how marriage affects your mortality rate, general health and overall well-being.
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show& best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book)” out now in paperback (at Amazon) & fine book stores with a new chapter on “Dating Games Men Play.” Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Free relationship & dating advice E-course.
