A woman who read one of my essays on introversion said that when she explained her introversion to her family, her brother said, "We didn't know you were an introvert. We thought you were just a bitch."
Yeah, a lot of people don't get it. How do we help them to understand?
The first key, of course, is understanding and accepting ourselves as the introverts we are. Like anything else, if we're relaxed with it--not trying to suppress it, not defensive about it--others will be, too. That helps.
But aside from that, what I am finding is that if I simply, without discussion, manage my energy properly, I am more cheerful and relaxed during social time. And that's really all that people want from each other at social events, I think. Let's just smile and make nice and show each other that we like each other.
Whether that's your favorite way to spend time is immaterial. To some extent we all have to do it--attend parties or group outings, spend extended time with family. And it's good for us. Being introverted does not mean checking out completely. (Except sometimes. And that's OK).
So, let's consider a holiday weekend (or more) with family. Often, we push ourselves, or allow others to push us, until our energy is depleted. Yet we keep going, well past our limits. And that's when bitchy happens.
But respecting your limits and managing your energy will help you enjoy social interactions more, eliminating the risk that you'll sulk or snap.
The trick is retraining yourself and others to allow this to happen.
Retraining is an incremental process, but every time you excuse yourself from the house to take a walk, or leave when the party is just getting heated up, or drink that first cup of morning coffee in your bedroom instead of out with the gang, you retrain people to expect that of you.
Do others give you a hard time when you need quiet time? Don't wrangle over it. As long as you're not throwing a monkey wrench into any plans, you have every right to take the time you need. Let 'em huff and puff if they want. You can even just disappear sometimes. If they press for an explanation when you reappear, say "I just needed some time to clear my head, have you started baking the cookies already? What can I do to help?"
No apologies, no overexplaining. You needed it, that was sufficient. Now you're ready for whatever they want to do and in a far better state of mind than you would have been without a break.
If you must white lie, do that. When someone offers to join you on a walk, explain that you need to make a phone call. If someone volunteers to go to the store with you, explain that you have personal errands to do and it would be easier to go alone.
Others don't have to like it and you can't make them, but they will eventually shrug and accept it. And if you can do all this without indulging in feeling guilty, you can retrain yourself, too.
You can also, of course, explain your introversion. Some people will understand, some won't. But it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks about it. You know what you have to do and the more you do it, the more fun everyone has. They'll figure that out eventually.
