I also support the Republican Party

Here is the link:

To jingxuxi : Why I support GOP, not Democratic Party


The Republicans clearly have the best ideas for the nation and for its future, and obviously respect the laws of the land and the Constitution to the utmost extent. But enough with the abstract commentary; let's get to some specifics. Why do I support the Republican Party?

I support the Republican Party because I do not care about the millions of uninsured people in America. It is their fault that they are poor, because in America, the only way to be poor is to be lazy. Like the Republican Party, I wish that all the impoverished, the unfortunate, the hateful disadvantaged die as quickly as possible, because I do not want to deal with them. All they do is decrease property prices.

I support the Republican Party because I am a racist who wants nothing to do with ethnic minorities. I hate Negroes, I hate brown people unless they're Cuban, I hate yellow people unless they're Vietnamese, and I do not want to reach out to them. The Republican Party recognizes that America is the sole work of the white man, and that it is right that the white man should control everything. Besides, the presence of minorities, many of whom belong in the urban poor, reduces property prices.

I support the Republican Party because I believe in an unequal society in which women are deprived of the right to choose what to do with their own bodies. I believe an a male-dominated civilization where women are no better than subhuman, where women are paid less than men for the same amount of work, just because they are women. The Republican Party shares my worldview and dehumanization of women, and for that reason I will never vote Democratic. Also, all abortion doctors should be brutally murdered or at least tortured; their presence reduces property prices.

I support the Republican Party because it recognizes that homosexuals are an abomination against God, and that Allah and Yahweh are also abominations against God. The Republicans do rightly when they substitute their own interpretations of the Holy Bible for the secular laws of the United States. Gays and lesbians should be stoned to death in accordance with the Bible's dictate, and the Republican Party agrees that we are only pawns of God, placed on the Earth to carry out his grand plans. So to with people who do not believe in fundamental Christianity; may the Republicans set up a theocratic government and expel all heathens! Diversity and tolerance decrease property prices.

I support the Republican Party because there is nothing wrong with invading a sovereign foreign nation for their petroleum. I don't care about the foot soldiers in the armed forces that will be killed in the invasion. I don't care about the families that will be ripped apart, the civilian casualties, or the political turmoil that will ensue. Like the Republican Party, all I care about is the petroleum, because having little petroleum hurts the markets, and that decreases property prices.

But I support the Republican Party most because of its loyalty to its loyal members. Democrats will pillory their fellow Democrats just for being corrupt or misusing public money or stealing or obstructing justice or having sex scandals, like they did to William Jefferson and Eric Massa. But not with Republicans! As a Republican, I can have sex scandals like Mark Foley and David Vitter, and still not be criticized from within. As a Republican, I can lose my conscience and corrupt the public trust, like Jack Abramoff, and still be loved within conservative circles. And what's more, I can still criticize Democrats for doing exactly the same bad things I do. Republicans therefore are never nervous. Nervousness reduces property prices.

I am a Republican because I'm a fundamentalist Bible-thumping misogynistic jingoistic intolerant hypocritical bastard. Won't you join me?